


Because This is My First

by asronan



Series: Because This is Our Marriage [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Arranged Marriage, Attraction, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fencing, Happy Ending, I just want them to kiss and fuck and get married, Jaime and Brienne being soft AND hot, Jaime is in need of a lot of therapy and healing, Masturbation, Past Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister, Sexual Tension, Shamless use of italics, Slow Burn, Wedding Night, idiots to lovers, learning about each other, love heals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:46:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 52,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22359709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asronan/pseuds/asronan
Summary: Due to circumstances and many years attempting it, Tywin Lannister can finally arrange the marriage of his first son, Jaime. But there was only one woman available left in the circle of old money in King's Landing; the only daughter of Sewlyn, Brienne of Tarth.Both children obliged and trying to make it work.Modern setting. Arranged marriage.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Series: Because This is Our Marriage [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1743715
Comments: 183
Kudos: 502





	1. Met

**Author's Note:**

> I've been on a writing slump for months due to the high pressure of me finishing up my undergraduate thesis. But I deadass dreamed of this fic and I want to write it so badddd. Hoping to post this would fire up my need to write back. Fast.

**Jaime**

_She is ugly._ The words passed through his head when he saw his fiance for the first time. He _expected_ her to be ugly though. Jaime had never met her, but in their small circle of stupidly rich old families in King’s Landing, everyone knows who Brienne of Tarth was. 

And people knew who was Jaime Lannister too. Who was in a family that the tabloids loved to follow, from Tywin’s brutal business tactics and his grey politics, Tyrion’s playboy ways (until he got hitched with Tysha, of course), and Cersei’s equally glamorous and fucked up marriage to Robert Baratheon. 

Already forty, Jaime has no other choice but to comply with Tywin’s decision to marry him off to the last option he had. This was all because of Jaime willing to sacrifice his modest carrier as a photographer to take over Lannister Corp after Tyrion decided to leave so he would be able to get married (as Tywin said) a ‘poor’ woman. 

_Also_ , Jaime decided to let out the most daring secret of the romantic relationship he had with his twin sister to his father because he couldn’t take it anymore after Cersei’s treating him like a toy for almost three decades. And the only way to bury this open secret was to push Jaime to marriage and have children.

Which as he expected, made Tywin formed a ghost smile of the idea of having Jaime back in his rightful place as the real heir. The incestuous ordeal could be easily brush off after marriage and a kid.

 _Gods, she is ugly._ He thought again, watching her fidgeting in front of him, her eyes looked him up for a second and then went back inspecting her fingers. _But she does have pretty eyes._ He thought. _Blue like the open sky._

Brienne was the only child of Sewlyn Tarth, the sole holder of an island near King’s Landing, that provided great seafood businesses and strategic port. Apart from him being MIA for several years, he never saw Brienne in any social events he was forced to go to. Of course, maybe she wasn’t born yet or too young when some events he remembered going held. She has a good 12 years age gap from him. 

“That was my wife's ring. Keep it well.” The words that came out from Tywin had no warmth.

“Of course.” She answered automatically. For a big of a woman, she has no sense of at least act like she wasn’t afraid. Jaime couldn’t blame her entirely still, she did come alone the Lannis Corp to get her engagement ring during her lunchtime and to talk to Tywin and Jaime.

Jaime didn’t expect much when the day has come when he finally met her. She came walked to Tywin's office like she has a heavy rock on her back, slouching and slow. She wore too warmly during the summer season, and she was no beauty the closer she came to the open door. 

For the past hour, Tywin took the lead of the meeting, explaining to Brienne all the things she needed to know about being a Lannister. All the prenup she was told to sign and their wedding date which will be in the next two months. All these tall woman's actions were to nod like a cow, and not meeting neither him nor Tywin’s eyes, and almost no talk. 

She made it easier for Jaime to study her though. She wore a comfortable pair of jumper and jeans with a pair of white sneakers. Her brown jumper was dull and poor on her, but the jeans emphasized her exceptionally long legs. Her hair was cut short and pale blonde and it was all over the place like the wind was being mean to her. Her freckled skin was so pale, it amused him that she was still pale despite the sun shone during this season. 

Jaime pursed his lips, he hated that she was so young and naive. She easily falling into the Lannister’s fucking trap; she would be treated as a breeding mare for Tywin and indifference from the women she would later meet, her appearance would tremendously be the factor. If she was smart enough, she would get out. He almost pitied her.

After it felt like an eternity, the meeting was over when Brienne finally signed the last prenup after minutes of reading the contract, Jamie stood up from his seat and declared, “I will escort you out, _fiance_.”

As he lent his arm out from her and Brienne out of respect, took it, he began to walk out as she saying many honoraries to Tywin and bowing too. He needed a minute or two with her so he could speak. He was confident that Brienne would cancel the ordeal after he opened his mouth. And he was happy to let her go.

  
  


**Brienne**

The lift was big enough that she tried to hide in a corner while he stood tall facing closed doors. 

Brienne couldn’t believe that she was someone’s fiance. And to a Lannister at that. The engagement ring she wore suddenly felt heavy at that thought.

She never expected to get engaged or get married. She never expected someone to _want_ her to be even a daughter-in-law to either. When Sewlyn got Tywin’s request to have Brienne’s hand for Jaime, her father didn’t seem he would reject it. She understood that prospect, “This is a Lannister. You’re going to be _Jaime Lannister_ ’s wife, Brienne.” Her father emphasized the name like it was sacred and somehow, it _was_. 

Brienne was well aware that she was ugly. Unconventional don’t have honesty sense to describe her looks. Since she was a kid, she grew up facing sneered and bullying just because she was too tall, too broad-shouldered, have ugly teeth and nose, straw of yellow hair and no boobs. As the years passed, and all the tears she let out, she well aware and accepted the way she looks and didn’t wish for her life to fulfil with love and children. Yet being a sole child to an old family, she needed to try. She did and it failed, three times, until Jaime. Her father was old and the family business of decades of hard work was modest, yet no enough in this industrialized world. 

Obviously, she did her research after Tywin’s sent the news to her father. Before the announcement, Brienne couldn’t care less about who Jaime was. She wanted to cry when his pictures popped up on the search engine. She felt like a circus act, betrothed to him. He was so beautiful and she was so ugly and she knew the tabloid would make them into this ‘love is blind’ shit for the world to see. She would be a humiliation for the Lannister and her father. She would be married to anyone and it would still be a humiliation. The thought brought up an image or Renly in her head. She had imagined marrying him many times when she was a kid.

“Why did you agree on this… whole _prospect_?” He asked abruptly, vanishing her train of thoughts. His voice was smooth and almost inaudible. “What?” She replied and palmed her mouth. Her voice was sultry of the thought of Renly.

He turned to her, hand inside his slack pocket. He was more handsome up close. “You know what I mean.” He wore a red button-up, making his golden skin shinier. “Money? Fame? Planning on digging my fortune, Bri?” She opened her mouth to reply to his sudden nickname for her and his jest but shut it. _Don’t get him upset with your stupid mouth._ It was no use to play push and pull with this man. 

“I don’t have any option to even reject your father’s decision? And the prenup, it sounds… fair.” She answered honestly and backed again until her shoulder blades pressed on the wall of the lift.

“It said that your family business would be transferred under Lannister Corp. And we need an heir within the first year of the marriage.” She shrugged. “I think having your father and your expertise would help to make sure my family’s business runs smoothly. I’m not a fan of the business but I want it to grow because I know my father cares about his workers and the families they’re feeding. And the second… I um, I… one year is good enough for us to warm up an-“

“Alright.” He came closer. He was an inch shorter than her but he didn’t seem to be bothered by her height. He has beautiful green eyes, almost emeralds, it fit so well with his blond hair. He did look like a proud lion, as his family century-old sigil. It should feel awkward, almost inspecting him. Yet, it didn’t.

“You’re still so young…” The words came out as murmur. Brienne blinked at that. “I’m twenty-eight.” She answered truthfully. “And according to the rich and legacies enthusiasts, I’m in marriageable age. And I’m old.”

There was a ghostly smile lifted at the edge of his lips. “You’re still young. I bet you will still have suitors waiting.” The lift finally hit the ground floor, and he walked out, expecting her to follow. Brienne, being Brienne followed and muttered at his last declaration. “You saw me right?” She jogged until they walked side by side. “I do and I don’t deny that you’re quite ugly.” He said manner factly. The words didn’t hurt her as much she used too. At least he was honest and didn’t say she has an ‘unconventional’ look. 

He walked her until they were outside. Ugh. Brienne hated how hot it was, it didn’t help that she wore a jumper because of her work policy. He then stopped his track and faced her. The sun was kind to him, he was more handsome under natural light. “Well, are you not going to ask me why I agreed?” 

She had thoughts but none of it made sense. So she replied the most understandable one; “You’re old?”

He chuckled. _Gods, dimples too?!_ “Not as old that you’re not rejecting me.” He smiled but quickly disappeared. “Truly, fiancé, all the QnAs could make our ordeal honest.”

She didn't understand which part of being honest he meant. They practically had files of each other by then. But, she took his suggestion. “Why-” 

“I took over my brother’s position so that he could leave to married the love of his life.” He didn’t even bother to let her finish her question. Clearly wanted to let this out since the meeting. “And, I fucked my own twin sister since we were fourteen.”

“Oh.” She took a while for here to digest his truth. She did know the rumour. She was close to the Tyrells because Margaery was her coworker and friend since college, and she worked with the Starks and the family wasn’t a big fan of the Lannisters. But it was within their circle, small even for KL, every rumour, ridiculous or not, were floating around.

“So the rumours were true after all.” She said rather calmly. 

“Oh, so you heard.” He replied, almost resigned about it.

She still stood tall in front of him, not feeling particularly anything. She should be surprised and disgusted by it. However, it felt like just a statement confirmed when it was an open secret. She was just glad he was honest about it. At least Jaime Lannister decided to trust her. 

  
  


**Jaime**

When she didn’t run and still standing, Jaime was looking at her, surprised that she didn’t punch him being such an incestuous fucked up. “You can still cancel, you know.” He finally suggested. “Our engagement hasn't got to the tabloids yet. I will do whatever I can to make sure that you’re not getting on Tywin’s bad side.”

He saw the hesitation in her eyes. The sun made her eyes bluer, like sapphires. Jaime could drown in them. She opened her mouth to speak, hesitating, “Before that, I… I want to ask you a question.” He chewed his inner cheek and looked down at his Oxford and her sneakers and looked up again, giving her his permission.

“Do you still… having _this_ with your sister?” Her hand motioned a circle to emphasised it. He could’ve laughed if he wasn’t being shocked. 

His relationship with Cersei ended in a way that it almost destroyed him. He was in love and devoted and loyal to her all his life and in the end, he was thrown like a rag doll. And he was not perfect anymore in her eyes. It still stung. “It has been three years.” He admitted and waved his prosthetic hand.

She briefly looked at his hand nodded at his answer. Her plump lips pursed and he saw a tiny view of her teeth, biting the lower lip. “Then, I’m not. No. I’m not cancelling it. I will do this for my father. Getting Tywin’s proposal is… a miracle.”

It felt like he was knocked over by the wind. She was so calm. _She is naive… or crazy._ Normal people should run around screaming that the Lannister’s are a bunch of fucked ups and practised incest. No matter how desperate they were.

But he didn’t want to prolong their conversation and her obvious need to get away from him. So he said, “Alright. See you in two months for the wedding, fiancé.” She nodded at that and lend out her left hand for him to shake.

There were no bad remarks nor hesitation. Usually, people ignore that he had one fake hand or usually scattered away when they realised it. But Brienne, in front of him, calmer that the sky about them acknowledged it and treat like it was not a big deal. 

It surprised him, that only a few hours after meeting her, Jaime felt like she could be a friend to him if they didn’t meet in these circumstances. 

He took her hand and shook it. Her fingers were long and her palm was rough, but it still looked feminine against his. His mother’s ring looked almost good on her.

“See you in two months then, Mr Lannister.”

“It’s Jaime,” He said. “Just Jaime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy, also feel free to follow my Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/insignificantly-notorious


	2. Turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime was forced to meet Brienne before their wedding despite their truce. He didn't hate it. (aesthetics created by Moi)

**Jaime**

Aunt Genna came to his office. 

Jaime was busy talking to Rose Bolton about Tywin’s plan to merge Bolton’s fishing industry to the South where King’s Landing was. Jaime didn’t find the idea rakish, in fact, it was a tactic move for Tywin to slowly immersed the Lannister Corp in every type of business possible since he was a monopolist sociopath. 

It was Bolton he had to deal with that he wasn’t a fan of. Jaime found him sneaky, and creepy. It made him uncomfortable and overall protective of his secretary, Pia, when Bolton came. He looked at Pia like prey and he would always inform her early to go to lunch or home whenever Bolton set foot in the building. 

For once, Jaime was glad he was able to dismiss Bolton early. And no one can say no to Aunt Genna.

Aunt Genna came to the office looking like she came back home from Buckingham Palace after having breakfast with the Queen. She wore pink from his bonnet to her shiny flats. There was a warm smile on her face. 

“Ignore the courtesy, my boy. I’m just here to deliver something for your bride to be.” She said as she sunk into the leather sofa. Jaime scoffed at his aunt’s zealousness and sat across from her. “Well, why meet me?”

“I feel bad for her.” She frowned. Earlier in the engagement, Aunt Genna volunteered to handle the wedding; from the catering, the venue (the Lannister’s mansion, Casterly Rock), and the wedding dress. Jaime was informed that she has been meeting Brienne almost every week for updates which he was confident that she would feel uncomfortable with his aunt’s cherry and loud personality.

“I’m the one who has been seeing her when you didn’t try to.” She pouted. _Ah, here it is._ “Did you know, she works for the Starks?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know that Catelyn is one of the most important shareholders for King’s Landing historical museum and your fiancé works there as a curator?” 

“Yes,” Jaime said. “We both have information on each other. And I can read.”

“But slow.”

“Blame dyslexia.” He said and his eyes lit up with the sight of coffee that Pia brought in. They sat in silence for a minute, both gingerly sipping the caffeinated drink. 

“Why you’re not meeting her?”

He looked up from his cup. “We decided to meet again when it’s our wedding day.”

“Nonsense!”

“It made sense. We’re both trying to be civil in this forced ordeal by father.”

“Then, you should talk to be civil. Discussed which side of the bed you would sleep, what type of food you wouldn’t want to be in the fridge or something.”

“To meet her to talk about these are nonsense. She would be uncomfortable. We will be married in two weeks.”

Aunt Genna stared at him. She gave him the _‘only decent Lannister woman left is judging you,_ **_hard_ ’**look. “Believe me, aunt.” He sighed and sipped the last part of his coffee. “Meeting her before the marriage would be awkward.”

“She curated in the medieval section.” 

That slightly perked him up. “I’m not eight anymore.”

“You tried to make a club about knighthood in college.” She reminded him. “And you suggested a medieval theme game of hopscotch during last family day. _Two years ago._ ”

  
  


**Brienne**

Brienne smiled when she finally went outside of the museum to feel the sun shone on her skin. At then, Margaery’s chirping voice came from behind. “Are you _finally_ can have lunch with me today?” 

“I think so.” She replied truthfully.

“I wish so! I missed you.” She pouted and Brienne gave her a toothless smile. “Where are we going to eat?”

“There’s this new pasta place around the block and I want to try!” Brienne laughed. “You complained it was too expensive!”

“That was before I know that they put truffles oh my god! CODE RED! CODE RED!” Brienne turned to Margaery’s direction of sight and frowned.

Tormund smiled widely when he approached them. The man kept on harassing her since his bar was just the opposite of the museum gate. She should be grateful that there was a man trying to woo her for the first time in her 28 years of living, but it was so uncomfortable, also considering what she went in high school and men her dad trying to knot her to.

Tormund talked too loud and enthusiastically that drove her mind to go someplace else, only Margery’s form squeeze around her arm grounded her. His words came out like “Are you free this Friday? I can give you 5 pins of beer for free.”

It was somehow a relief when a voice she hadn’t heard for weeks came from behind her. “I’m afraid she is not. Ever.”

Jaime came to them like he was on a runway for a high-end suit brand (his suit was definitely high end, and _very_ white). 

“Mr La- Jaime?” She blinked like she didn’t believe he was here. 

“Hello, Bri. Margaery.” He gave a curt nod to Brienne’s pretty friend, then turned fully to Tormund. “And, who are you?” His tone was neutral but there was a hint of judgment in it that Tormund didn't catch.

“This big woman owes me a date night.” He smiled and pointed at Brienne. It made her flinch. Jaime stood linear on her right and held her hand. “I’m afraid you can’t do that.” He said and pulled up their hands so Tormund could see the ring she wore. “She’s my fiancé and we’re about to get married in two weeks.”

“Is it a lie?” The bulky man said after digesting the news. 

“It’s not if you read the news.” Margery stepped in and stood on Brienne’s left side. She then dragged Brienne along and Jaime. “Sorry Tormund, we have about 45 minutes left for lunch!”

**Jaime**

Margaery sat on a table beside them, enthusiastically enjoying the overpriced pasta and multitasking ears-dropping them. That left him sitting across from his fiancé, who looking anywhere but at him. While she was struggling and him waiting, the waiter finally served pasta and steak he ordered. He sighed heavily forgetting to mention for the chef to cut his steak into smaller pieces. He should’ve to wave his fake hand at them.

“Why did you come?” She finally opened her mouth and asked. She glanced at their plates and sighed heavily and muttered ‘A second’ and dragged his plate in front of her. “Aunt Genna asked me to.” He said, surprised he got the instinct to reply quickly despite the lump in his throat watching her cutting the meat for him.

Still cutting the steak, she asked again. “She has been coming almost every week. She’s a nice woman but I don’t know anything about weddings. Last month she asked me what type of lace I want and I didn’t know that lace has types!”

He almost laughed at her sudden frustration but controlled it when he felt Margaery eyeing him. The Tyrell girl was so similar to the oldest Tyrell that was surprisingly still alive and scheming. Brienne then politely pushed the plate back to him. She cut the meat into a suitable size and she barely even looked at him.

He didn't know if he should say thank you to her impulsive help. Never anyone who would do this simple gesture to him, not even Tyrion. He loved his little brother to death but he hated that Tyrion treated him like his maiming didn’t exist sometimes. 

“What’s your favourite flower?” He picked up his fork and started to dig in. The steak was chewy than his usual preferred medium cooked, however, he was famished since this morning and ate diligently that he barely heard her say ‘what’ from his question.

“Our wedding aisle, Aunt Genna plans to put flowers along the way. Roses are nice and red, it represents my family colour and orchids are elegant, especially if it has a blue tint. Tulips are beautiful too. Forget-me-nots are just too poetic to be at a wedding. Which one do you prefer? You have a favourite flower?”

“I’m- not a big fan of flowers. Certainly not roses. Especially not roses.” Her voice was strained when she mentioned roses and it made Jaime looked at her and she finally looked back. They sat by the window and the light shone on the side of her face. The sunlight emphasized her blue eyes. _Sapphires_. He thought for the second time. Brienne was not beautiful but on this day, in this light, when the sun gracefully shone upon her, she was almost was.

“Blue looks good on you, fiancé.” He suddenly blurted. She wore a blue jumper with dark blue straight cut jeans and boots. “It matches your eyes. You have astonishing eyes.”

She was shocked and Jaime didn’t blame her. _What the fuck did that came from?_ Her mouth hung open for a second and she thanked like a polite kid. “The white… it becomes you.” It sounded like a courtesy but he believed her compliment.

They continued eating in silence after that. Jaime’s didn’t have a lot of people to talk to, minus Tyrion, and Peck (which was his PA and they only talk about work mostly), he grew up stuck with Cersei and having a Lannister name was hard to gain friends that didn’t want to take advantage of it. This caused him to grow up to be doubtful of people and make terrible judgments (his relationship with Cersei). 

Yet not even an hour, he felt comfortable sitting and eating with Brienne. Silence usually calmed him after meeting with people but he liked that she was here and they didn’t need to talk to know they needed silence. The air suddenly felt warm after that thought. He could feel that his marriage with Brienne would work.

“So, flowers?” He started again after wiping his mouth with a tissue. 

“I like daisies.” She said honestly. 

“Really?” There was a glint of amused in his brilliant eyes. Such a plain flower to even called a favourite. She shrugged. “The white ones. I like the meaning behind it.”

“Do explain.”

**Brienne**

He still hasn’t left even after lunch. Jaime took the liberty to take his time strolling around KL’s History museum and by that, stuck beside Brienne. Margery was amused throughout it and reminded Brienne she had a show and tell for the students of Rock elementary school after lunch.

Which was slowly killing her because her fiance was seeing her in a cheap but well-fitted armour telling a story about Tarth’s sole female knight to the children. But, this was the best part of her job. Every year, pre-schoolers from Casterly Rock made a field trip to the museum to learn about Westeros’s medieval history and culture. Each curator would take care of each section; Sam Tarly on the medication and science section, Margery on the outfit and etiquette section, Pod on the political section (which usually found to be boring for a bunch of 5 to 9-year-olds), and Brienne on knighthood.

Her ancestor, also named Brienne, was a respectful and wonderful knight for King Jon. Brienne admired her since she could barely speak, she made Brienne strong.

**Jaime**

She looked strong in the armour. She has always been strong physically, sure, but she was a spitting image of a knight in his dreams. Jaime has been a big nerd for the medieval era, especially knighthood. To have her awkward but endearing fiance played the part, with armour on too, did something to him.

“Does that turn you on?”

“What?”

Margery stood beside him, nudging. “She is in an armour. I know she turns _me_ on.”

Jaime gave a side-eye then. He almost wanted to speak but Margery chuckled at his expression. “Do calm down Lannister. I know Brienne since college and I know she doesn't go my way.” 

Laughter echoed the area. A child was squealing when Brienne handled the fake sword and began swinging mercilessly at the other students that erupted both cries of worry and laughter in the room. And hers.

A pudgy looking coworker named Podrick came to her and helped her removed the armour. She was taller so at some point, the fake metal torso stuck and she has to bend down. Her actions accidentally showcased her abdomen at him when her clothes also stuck alongside the metal scrape as Podrick pulled outward. She has so many freckles that he was in awe at the moment until Margery excused herself to help them.

  
  


**\------------**

That night, he dreamed of her.

The sky was so bright and they were at the beach. Jaime could almost taste the salt on his tongue and felt the cold breeze whistled in his hair. In the dream, Jaime was chasing Brienne along the edge of a beach, she was in a dress that showcased her shapely legs as the wind blew. And she was laughing, as cheerful as the last time he heard. Then, she stopped running, and he got closer to her, her eyes were bright and warm. 

She extended her hand to him and before he could touch her, he woke up.

The alarm barred all through his room. Jaime groaned but instantly sat up. For the past few years, he has enjoyed a routine life- Woke up at 7, drink a glass of iced water and take a quick shower, shaved, got dressed and go to work- and this day was like any other day.

Before he got into the shower, Jaime gazed around his condo. There were boxes scattered around here and then. Brienne’s. A bookshelf was assembled near his wall ones and there was a row of cacti by the window. Her boxes of clothes were already inside his walk-in closet and even a new set of toothbrush beside his. It was blue beside his choice of red. 

He didn’t stop thinking about her when the cold water hit his shoulder. He was surprised how she grew on his for just two times that they met. Not saying that earlier he hated the engagement. Yes, he rather disclosed when his father announced and felt resigned over it. But his surprising openness to the idea of her was many due to her acceptance of his dark past and his stump. Which was rather pathetic of an excuse. 

He was not a superstitious person per se, but the view of her body and his dream of her maybe a sign that they could be _at least_ be friends during their marriage. And it didn’t help that he found her desirable. As he turned the shower for the water to hit his skin harder, he was already hard from remembering that afternoon. His arm planted on the wall of his bathroom as his only hand started to pump his cock. He did masturbate on the years that he lost Cersei, sometimes angry that he was still hard for his sister in earlier years. Then it didn’t anymore and he turned into porn like a high schooler, it was not satisfying but it was enough. Now, he imagining her, Brienne, in front of him in the showing, fucking. 

He pummeled harder, imagining her long legs around his hips. Imagine how she sounded like moaning, how it felt like when her fingers scratching his scalps and how blue her eyes would become if she was aroused, her freckles. His hand moved faster and he moaned and groaned as his cum pumped on the wall. 

Jaime slid down until his ass hit the wet floor, water raining on his face. Gods, _shit_ , he really needed to get himself together. The old lady’s granddaughter was right. Brienne did turn him on. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic's title is based on my favorite Korean drama that I recently rewatched; Because This Is My First Life~  
> And its still soooo good and pierced my soul with its life lesson. HIGHLY recommended and the premise is on a marriage of convenience. :D


	3. First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding. And the wedding night - Jaime works hard to make the night special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I put this story as explicit, I forgot how hard and soul-crushing writing smut is.

**Jaime**

None of his siblings was attending his wedding. Tyrion, he understood, and he would likely visit anyways. He was grateful that Cersei didn't come, not because he was still hung up with her, which after a significant amount of therapy, he truly didn’t, but he was afraid of what she would do to Brienne. To _him_. And, he was advised to stay a few feet away from her by his therapist.

He ordered daisies and made scattered along the aisle. The reason why she loved the flower so much made him imagined her in fairytales, but she was a knight (helped a lot by her short cosplay for the kids). Daisies, as Brienne told him earlier, represent honour and vows. Jaime looked it up when he asked Pia to ordered them for the wedding; there were other meanings for them, also different meanings for a different colour. The top meaning that it represented purity and innocence and it made him burst out laughing in his office that Pia asked him if he was alright. It was so fitting for her; innocence.

The daisies along the aisle and the look on her face when walked to reach him was a sight to see. Aunt Genna picked a modest but amplifying halter dress for her. Her broad shoulders were bare and were heavily freckled as the rest of her bare arms and neck. The tint of blue scattered like stars on her dress was a last-minute alteration that Jaime personally requested when he saw how white the dress was. When she walked to her cheeks pink and held her father’s hand tightly, he almost proud of how magnificent she looked.

Sewlyn gave her daughter's hand to him and Jaime held her tightly.

The priest introduced them, and the ceremony began;

 _"Father, Smith, Warrior, Mother, Maiden, Crone, Stranger..."_ Immediately following this, still speaking simultaneously, they recited their main vows: Jaime said;

 _"I am hers and she is mine. From this day, until the end of my days,"_ while Brienne at the same time said;

_"I am his and he is mine. From this day, until the end of my days."_

Vows exchanged and a chasted kiss later, they were husband and wife. 

**\-------**

The wedding was a quick affair. She invited only a few people and Jaime’s side was fewer. She saw Aunt Genna and Tyrells and Starks, the loud cheer of Margaery. Jaime explained to her that Tywin disowned Tyrion and he went quiet without wanting to explain for Cersei. 

When the ceremony came to an end and guests lessen, most of the Lannisters were heavily drunk. Brienne was offered champagne a few times by his family members that her cheeks went really pink and her speech went sultry. Thankful that the family didn’t follow the old ways of pushing the newlyweds to their room (which thankfully, they needed a car to go there). Brienne said goodbye to her father by giving him a big hug before he left for home. 

Aunt Genna hugged her tightly too, and then him, drowning in her putrid rose perfume. When only the two of them left, Jaime led her to a limo who was driven by Sandor to go home. They didn’t talk along the way. Both understood that they were both tired and the fact that they were husband and wife didn’t help the awkwardness either. 

The wedding went on as he expected; smooth. There was no nonsense he was afraid of happening.

But it was also draggy and Jaime wanted nothing but his bed and sleep. The idea of Brienne would be beside him from this day wouldn't be an issue. After his abrupt meet up to her workplace, Jaime was rather fond of her. He enjoyed her company and her silence.

  
  


**Brienne** ****

She snickered of thought inside her head, _home_ ; Jaime’s condo. She never physically went there but he had sent pictures and she has boxed her stuff to send there.

When they finally arrived at a tall building, Jaime led the way. Brienne found out he lived in the penthouse upstairs and there was a private lift lead them there.

Brienne was in awe for a second when she got inside. Although Tarth was an old name, her family was not as rich as the other families. Yes, they owned their island and have a big home, and Brienne never have to ask for a loan to go to college, but living in King's Landing and living in Tarth was vastly different. Everything in this city was constantly moving and the rich lived lavishly compared to Tarth. Even from her view at the window of his living room, lights outside kept on blinking and you could hear a constant car honking.

“Drink?”

“S-sure.” he gave her a glass of cognac. “For the longevity of our relationship.” He said matter of factly. She clicked to that and started to drink. “Ugh. It’s so strong.” She didn’t notice that he was staring at her until she drank fully while making a face. “What?”

“You know, I really do want us to work.” His hand motioned to the air. “I feel like we can click just fine.”

“How do you conclude that?” She said curiously. “We met only twice before we married.”

He grinned “I dreamt of you.” He said as if it was more for himself, she didn't reply to that odd profession. Then, he took his drink, swallowing only once. “We can be silent together without feeling the need to speak.”

Brienne wanted to laugh at the statement so simple coming from him. “I was quiet because I didn’t know what to talk to you. You surprised me, and I don’t think men like you would enjoy _us_ making it work.” She knew she couldn’t expect much when she married Jaime. He was a very good looking man and also born in privilege too. He was the type that could ask anything and with a click of his fingers, he would get instantly.

“You don’t assume me, wife.” He came close to her that she caught her breath. “I’m not most men. In fact, there are no men like me. I am who I am.” He took her shot glass and put it on the cabinet. “Look, I do want us to work. To be friends. I’ve been avoiding marriage all my life because I had only loved one person and you know how it went. And I trust you.”

The living room started to get heavy. “Al-alright.”

“Good.” He looked so relieved at her decision. In a stride, he went to her and took her hand in his. “Now the bedding.”

She flushed. “Wait!” She tried to escape. “You said you want to be friends.”

“And my father wants grandchildren.”

“We have a year!”

“Yes but, do you want to do it and instantly get pregnant? Do you want to wait?” That quieted her. Did she want to? She never had sex but the man in front of her seemed eager. “I don't mind waiting.” He said. “I don’t want you to hate me.”

“It’s not that… It’s just…” she blinked rapidly and looked anywhere but him. “I’ve never done this before.” It came out too jittery. She was confident that she blushed so hard by now. Jaime stared at her, there was confusion in his eyes and slowly, it became earnest. 

“You’re my first.” she gulped. “If we do this.”

“You’re my first too.” He said. Somehow, Brienne knew what he meant by that. And she knew he said it to calm her. “First decision I’ve made for myself. My first-” He gulped and moved two steps away. “My first after my sister.” She should be insulted at that, but she was more surprised that he didn’t sleep around. 

She waited for him to elaborate, but he said a different thing instead. “I’ve prepared condoms.”

 _Just let me dig a hole and die instead of facing this embarrassment._ Her face went hot. “Um, uh- I started taking pills. Your aunt suggested it.”

She waited for him to reply, but extended his hand to her instead.

She took it.

Her hand was still shaking a bit, but she also didn’t hesitate.

Biting her lip, she followed him as he made his way to the bedroom. She didn’t fight him even as her body grew even tenser. She knew what he wanted, and so was she.

**Jaime**

His room was dark, black curtains draped until the floor. The only light that came from the room was from the lamp attached to the wall facing the king-size bed. His home was expensive yet small, but enough for two. There were only two bedrooms; one which they were in and the other he made into a studio.

The hand that held onto her let go. Jaime stood before her, eyes scanning from her shoulders to her legs. “Undress.” He said and she went tenser. 

“No! I mean-“ he said abruptly seeing her pale face. “We turn away and undress. And-“ She turned away from him and he shut his mouth and did the same. He quickly got himself out from his suit, unbutton his shirt, unbuckled his belt, his pants and socks and shoes, but not his prosthetic. When he was fully naked, then he turned to her.

Her back was still on him. She was almost naked but held the dress tightly that it still uncovered from the lower part of her spine. His cock twitched at the sight of her naked back; she had miles and miles of freckles scattered on her skin and Jaime wanted to kiss them on the first second he landed his eyes on them.

“Can we turn off all the lights?” She suggested and he went rigid.

“No.”

“Please.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want this to be uncomfortable with you. I’m not a sight you want to see.”

He wondered who hurt her to have thought of hat. Yes, she wasn’t beautiful but it didn’t mean that he wasn’t attracted to her. His cock was proof.

“No.” He confided. “ _Bri_ , turn around. Look at me.”

  
  


**Brienne**

His voice screamed valour and power. She closed her eyes and turned, her hands still clenched the dress to her chest tightly. But then, she could feel him getting closer. 

“Open your eyes, Bri.” His hand went to touch her cheek and she opened her eyes to the sight of Jaime in front of her. He was tan and well-muscled, his chest hair was still golden and his eyes were bright under the dimmed light. And he was naked.

_Oh, gods. Oh gods. Oh gods._

“Don’t look so panicked.”

“I’m not panicked.”

“Yes, you are. No need to be.” His face came closer. “See me. Let go of the dress.” She refused but when his lips touched hers, she did.

His lips were warm and the taste of cognac they drank earlier played inside their mouths. Jaime kissed her carefully, slowly and then it turned harried. His arm looped around her waist and his hand went to the back of her neck and clutched her hair, kissing her deeper. Brienne’s hands went to clutched his shoulders, and ultimately let the dress fell. He groaned when her breasts pressed on his chest. 

She couldn’t breathe but she couldn’t stop kissing him back. Her breathing became erratic when she could feel his arousal pinning on her skin. When Jaime got a response moan from her, he broke up the kiss. 

He took her hand and led her to the bed, helping her into the center. “Lie down, spread your legs.”

She was starting to get even more nervous, but arguing was out of the question. She laid down in the center of the soft bed and opened her thighs. He climbed on top. His gaze was on hers, but not for long as he stared down at her.

Closing her eyes again, she waited. And then she gasped when his lips touched her chest.

Opening her eyes, she stared down at his head, seeing him kissing down her body. His lips were so soft on her skin, not what she expected

Unable to look away, she watched as he cupped one of her breasts, his hand and the prosthetic holding her in place as he flicked his tongue across the pointed tip.

Her body tensed up, but she felt this swirling ache deep inside. When he bit down, she gave a cry at the sudden burst of pain, but it felt really good as he tongued her nipple. He spent so long on one breast, driving her crazy. He moved his tongue down the valley of her breasts, moving to her next and giving that nipple the same pleasure.

She wriggled beneath him, needing the pressure to be released. Something was happening to her body. She had never felt this way before, and it was… _amazing_.

Arching up against him, she wanted something between her thighs.

When he let her breasts go, she let out a whimper.

He chuckled. “All good, wife?” He kissed down her body, his lips creating a fire, and when his fingers held her sex, and then his tongue slid between and she cried out. The sounds erupting from her shocked her.

He sucked on her clit, his tongue repeatedly flicking back and forth. The pleasure flooded her body and made her ache in all the right places that something was building inside her body.

It was amazing. She cried out as her entire body peaked, thrust over the edge, and fell into orgasm. It was unlike anything she’d ever experienced, not that she’d gotten the chance to experience a lot.

Her entire body felt on edge and at the same time, like molten lava. She was wet.

Jaime moaned his approval against her pussy. He didn’t linger there long. 

Jaime moved between her thighs. She didn’t know how it was possible for her to feel so small against him. He was big, and so was his cock that brushed her thigh.

He stared into her eyes, but his hand moved between them. The tip of him glid between her slit, pumping her clit.

She gasped.

He held her to the bed by kissing her again. The taste of herself didn’t disgust her. He’d pushed inside her while she was distracted, and she gasped in pain. That stopped him from moving for a while and let her sink it. The pain was piercing and then it was gone.

“Okay?”

She nodded, and he began to move. 

She’d never felt anything like this inside her. Her hands clutched on his bicep and his shoulder, bringing him closer to her.

He began to fuck her harder, going deeper as he slid inside. Each thrust seemed to go easier inside her. 

**\---------------**

Brienne woke up as the cold feeling of the room and the rays of sunlight crept through the drapes. The room was quiet except for stable breathings that came from her left side. She and Jaime were both nestled beneath his thick comforter. Her hand was on his chest, finger scratching his hair, the calm of his heart thrumming against her palm. She was also near with his stump, which was still concealed with the prosthetic. She knew why.

Last night was... _something_. They were both exhausted from the wedding that they went to sleep right after their coupling.

She remembered his heavy breathing and their sweat mixing when their chest came in contact with each other. She remembered Jaime groaned as his body slammed into hers. Each thrust was harder than the last. He pounded inside, and then with a groan, she felt the spill of his cum as he filled her.

When he rolled away, he took her in his arms too. “You alright?” He asked, breathy. 

She didn’t know how to react. She expected him to not even touch her for their wedding night, let alone asking if she was okay. 

“Just tired.” She managed to say. 

His grip on her tightened. And he rained kisses, _kisses_ on her face- her forehead, nose, pecks on her lips until he nuzzled his face on the area between her neck and shoulder.

She didn’t know what to feel about that. _Does lust was to that extent?_

“Go to sleep.” He mumbled into her skin and she kept thinking about it but she slept at the end.

“Morning.” The voice echoed that her train of thoughts vanished. Brienne looked up to him and saw his eyes open slowly, so green and light, and free, as if he had no problems living in this world.

And then it changed when she didn’t say anything. “Brienne?”

She blushed at the way he said her name- he emphasized on the ‘r’ that her name rolled richly off his tongue. “Morning.” She finally mumbled.

They were so close, _so naked_ under the comforter. 

They had the weekend for them and Brienne started to panic over it. She didn't know what they would do in this place for two days. For a moment, she wished it was already Monday. Already prepared for Margaery’s assault of questions than facing Jaime.

But she was here, _facing_ Jaime. 

She froze so many times it was stupid. She froze more when Jaime’s fingers touched her cheek. 

“I- I need to pee!” She sat up, clutching the sheet to her body that caused Jaime’s torso to exposed. He was golden under the little light that shone into the room. He was a beautiful man, and he knew it, eyes cheeky knowing she stared at him for a second.

“Well, okay.” He said, groggy. She looked away, eyes darting to the door of the bathroom. When she was ready to sit up, he said, “You don’t have to take the comforter too, you know.” His raspy morning voice pierced to her spine.

“Can you look away?” Her neck started to get heated. 

“Why?” He grinned. “I looked at all of you last night.”

“The room was dimmed!”

“Doesn’t mean I didn’t _look_ at you.”

She didn’t know what to say so she huffed and looked straight to the bathroom. “I need to pee.” She said again and took the comforter with her, avoiding his naked form on the bed. As she neared the door, she could her Jaime chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marriage of Convince/Arranged marriage is my favorite trope in romance and as you can say, I'm a slut for this trope. 
> 
> I'm sorry if I don't reply to any of your comments from the last chapter, I was sick and kinda lost because I'm stress over the real-life stuff that I barely write. I have the outline and chapters ready of this story already and I will write and finished this story diligently :D


	4. Stump

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne discuss the elephant in the room... and their bedding preferences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter went the other way around from what I originally planned. And I kinda like it.

**Brienne**

She took a shower too.

His house was considered small despite being expensive (she looked the property up. Understandable, because it _was_ King's Landing) but the bathroom has one of the biggest bathtubs Brienne has ever laid her eyes on. She could lay in it fully and it would still have space to fit _him_. 

She blushed and lightly slapped her cheeks. _I read too many trashy romance novels._

She turned the shower to a high temperature and tried not to think. But her mind kept on lingering about her moving from her cozy apartment near the train station to marrying a handsome heir to one of the oldest families in the country, and from the thoughts of last night of him touching her. He looked so eager and lustful to her, and... gentle. She tried to focus on washing her body, yet as her hand glided the soap along her skin, she remembered his touch. The feeling between her legs didn’t help to forget either.

Then, this morning when his hand touched her cheek. She expected disgust and instant avoidance from him the moment he opened his eyes to see her; Brienne of Tarth, whom all her life were ridiculed due to her appearance and despite her acceptance, still was mocked and nicknamed 'Brienne the Beauty' by men.

But instead, she got an easy smile, green, playful eyes and a deep voice, so groggy still, greeting her. And _expected_ her to greet back.

And the hand that touched her cheek. And that face. As if he wanted to kiss her.

Brienne slapped her face again. _Yeah, right, like he would kiss you. Get it together._

They made a truce after all. “Let’s make this work.” Sleep with him and give him a child. She should be content with that.

Hells, she should be content to even get _married_. 

People could have sex only for the sake of wanting children. People could have sex and not being in love. That was why there were terms; ‘friends with benefits’, ‘fuck buddies’, ‘mistress’, ‘cicisbeo’ exist in the first place.

The nonexistence of love didn’t mean a marriage could not work. She knew when she got into this marriage, she knew and saw how women compromised with their husbands, start having sex because they needed heirs, made an agreement that both sides could have lovers and such. She admitted, although she was new in the bed thing, she has read way too many smutty novels and in a circle of family that she was confident Jaime was kind enough to not hurt her last night. He even kissed her before, during and after the sex, which she knew some people didn’t do it.

She was kinda grateful for that. She heard stories from other women in their marriage and even Aunt Genna told her before the wedding, that some men were just cruel. Some of them were forceful, others went into the bed drunk the first time.

“Jaime is a good boy.” She said, “He has his mother’s kind heart and none of my brother’s terrible personality.” And giggled. “Just be patient with him. It takes time for him to open up.”

Well, that made two of them then. 

She should be glad that he wanted to make it work. The longer she was in the shower, the more she realised how grateful she was not marrying the first three suitors that Sewlyn suggested. Especially the second one.

When she finished showering and got dressed- a white baggy t-shirt and sweatpants, Jaime wasn’t in their room anymore, so Brienne made up her side of the bed and put back the comforter. The clicking sound of glass moved her to the kitchen downstairs where she found him.

Jaime wore a white t-shirt (with a band name on it) and sweatpants too. They were a loaf of bread and a jar of mayonnaise on the kitchen island. He was trying to open a glass of cold water when her footsteps got him noticed her coming nearer. He grinned. He even looked like a model with bed hair and a slight scruff.

Unfair. 

She walked closer to her and noticed he was still wearing his prosthetic.

 _I want us to work._ She did too.

So she asked; “Jaime, why are you not taking off your prosthetic?” Which made the jar accidentally fell off from his hand and shattered.

  
  
  


**Jaime**

His stump suddenly felt hurt at her question and he just stood and momentarily went blank that he didn’t realise that her huge figure came near him.

Father said he was disappointed. Cersei said he was not whole anymore. Tyrion gave him a sympathetic look and pretended his maiming didn’t happen. 

His therapist, Dr. Addam Marbrand, said that Jaime’s guilt and shame were built due to his very unsupportive surroundings. His antisocial tendencies tend to make him feel ashamed, because he was the perfect son of Tywin Lannister, and he was not anymore. 

“Jaime.” A soft touch on his cheek woke him. His vision became clear and the first thing he saw was her blue eyes. 

“Jaime.” Her voice was firmer and her fingers deepen on her skin 

_Breathe._

_Breathe._

_Breathe._

He blinked harder and he managed to speak; “I’m sorry. I’ll go get a broom and a cloth.” He began to move and went to the storeroom. Brienne didn’t push him. The last thing he saw on her face was concerned.

When he reached his storeroom, he pressed his back on the wall and started to breathe in and out deeply, remembering Dr. Marbrand’s training for him. “The way you breathe will make the blood flow smoother to your brain, it helps when you start to feel intense anxiety. Let’s try.” It took him months to perfect it, to control it.

He couldn’t be like this now.

So when his breathing became lighter, Jaime grabbed the broom and a cloth and went back to the kitchen and smiled smugly at Brienne who was still standing the same way as he left her. “Sorry, I couldn’t find this thing. Usually, I pay people to clean the house.” Both of them nodded in acknowledgment and began to clear the shattered glass.

They moved silently and fluidly. She began to clear the kitchen island too when his throat cleared. “I was trying to make us breakfast.” He clarified when she had already put the mayonnaise back in the fridge.

“What were you making?”

“Uh, I wasn’t thinking. What do you like?”

She took a moment. “I usually eat greek yogurt with any toppings I could find in my fridge. My apartment takes at least an hour from my workplace. I needed to rush most of the time. You?”

Come to think of it, he never had breakfast in this place. “My secretary usually prepared it for me at the office. A sandwich and a cup of black coffee. No sugar.” Her face looked younger when she smiled. “I take my coffee black too. No sugar.” The smile lingered when she looked inside the fridge. “You PA buys the groceries, yes?”

“Yes.” He confirmed. “Every Monday. He knows what I usually eat.”

“Let’s see…” She took out a carton of eggs, honey, butter and moved to open the cabinet. “I think we have enough ingredients for pancakes. What do you think?” She hugged the bag of flour on her chest.

Jaime managed to smile.

**\---------------**

They made half a dozen pancakes and two mugs of unsweetened black coffee. Both weren’t aware of how famished they were until they took the first bite of food. Luckily, they didn’t burn themselves despite both admit it was the first time they made it, thanks to Brienne’s quick actions of watching RavenTube’s videos while mixing the batter. It took them two hours and by the time they started to eat, it was near one in the afternoon.

Like the first time they ate in the restaurant, they both minded their food and ate quietly, both knowing each other’s presence but didn’t feel the need to converse. But it didn’t mean Jaime spent his time chewing and _not_ looking at her. 

Gods, he hadn’t slept so peacefully until last night. Maybe he was just horny because he hadn’t had sex with anyone in years. After last night, he was craving her, kind of. They were still new around each other and she was newer in sex, that she wasn’t as reckless with her touch while he was, and also managed to control it. He liked the smell of her; her scent was fresh and she smelled like vanilla. He liked the smell of her arousal too, happy that he could bury his head last night between her legs and having her squirmed and whimpered under him when he was inside her.

He longed for those long fingers that were busy cutting the pancakes to rake his scalp, and her neat and short nails scratching his shoulders blades till his flanks, and her longs freckled legs wrapped around tighter than last night.

_Fuck_ , his cock twitched with that image. He cleared his throat and placed his right hand rather aggressively on the table, making a small sound of the wooden surface. 

Her eyes darted to the elephant in the room but she covered it by taking her mug and sipped her coffee.

He considered. Should he let this out? He did say he wanted whatever between them to work. Did married people talk about their insecurities with each other? He knew the dating phase didn’t, as if he had one with Cersei even. He considered the self-analyzing techniques that Dr. Marbrand taught him;

_Would it affect their relationship?_ Jaime didn't think so. He had let out the worst one he had and she still agreed to marry him.

_Would she see me differently if I show the ugliest part of my physical self?_ Maybe. _Why should I care?_ Because we're married. _But did you want to make this work?_ Yes. I want to. "Then give her a chance to trust her." That was Dr. Marbrand's suggestion during their latest therapy session before the wedding. "It's nothing wrong to put your trust in someone. From what I heard you talking about her, she sounds like someone you can trust. You don't have anything to lose anymore."

_Yes, I don't have anything to lose anymore._ Brienne was not Cersei, who he had been loyal to, betrayed his trust for decades by sleeping with anyone and marrying Robert. Jaime loved his brother but Tyrion left him and moved far away from Tywin, who himself never trust anyone, even family.

He stared boringly into Brienne's eyes. Accepted that it was so pretty surrounded by her homely face. When he woke up this morning, Jaime didn’t think the same two words he played on his head when he had first met her. She was ugly but he used to see her face. 

He wondered how many wounds she had.

“My father pretends that this didn’t happen. And I can’t take off anywhere near him.” He blurted it fast. “My sister hates it and I couldn’t even take it off even when we-” He gulped and looked away, the city was busy even on a weekend. “-even when we were together.” He took his mug and drank the coffee until there was nothing left. He felt a little bit lightheaded and he turned to see her. Brienne was starring, eyes soft and kind, her fingers intertwined with each other, palms pressing on the coffee mug.

His hand went to scratch his scruff, he needed a shower. "Last night, if I took it off, I think you will-“

“Well, I don’t.” She said finally.

“You haven’t seen how bad it is.”

“You haven’t shown me yet.”

_Haven’t._

Like he would. 

Her pretty eyes never wavered on him. It was not anger like he always saw with Cersei when he even mentioned slightly about the hand. It wasn’t a disappointment like Father. It wasn’t even a sympathy like Tyrion's. It was confusing that she could be so… _objective_.

She was rather shy and her face blotchy red last night and very expressive when they touched. This Brienne however, this morning Brienne was _wife Brienne._ Not like she _wasn’t_ wife Brienne last night, but still, this Brienne who was sitting in front of him was similar like him; she wanted to make it work too.

“You will be disgusted by it.”

“My father’s childhood friend.”

“What-“

Her eyes steady. “My files. Goodwin?” It took a while for him to recognize the name. Gerold Goodwin was a childhood friend of Sewlyn Tarth. A decorated soldier and a War of the Ninepenny Kings veteran and the one after. He died when Brienne was fifteen.

He nodded.

“He was like a second father to me. When my dad was busy with his company, I would go to his house for him to babysit me. He taught me fencing.”

“You can fence?” He almost gasped.

“It has been a long time.” Her eyes shone warmly of the memories she had. “About Goodwin, during the war broke out, he decided to go because he never married and two years after, he came back without his leg. My father and I took care of him until he died. He couldn’t fence with me anymore.” They went quiet for a while.

When he finally let the information digest, Jaime sighed and untied the prosthetic from his stump. _Yes, I want to trust her. And I want us to work._ “It’s hideous.” He warmed and looked away.

He waited for the noise; for the disgust and shock. But it didn’t come. 

Instead, all he felt was a soft touch; her hand circled near the place where he was supposed to have a flesh hand.

He tensed and almost forgot how to breathe. 

“You must’ve hurt the whole night. You have blisters...” She spoke softly. “And it’s red.”

Honestly, his arousal throughout the night veiled the pain a lot until she subjected it this morning. Her fingers touched the area where his hand was surgically removed, as light as feathers gliding on his rough skin. “Do you have any ointment for the pain and blisters?”

He blinked rapidly and breathed. Breathe. _Breathe_.

He told her it was in a cabinet in the bathroom and she speeded to it and came back. She rearranged the chair she was sitting on and moved it to sit beside him.

He stared as she opened the small ointment and scooped a decent amount and began to massage his stump.

If he was crazy, Jaime could surge himself at her and kissed her senseless. And he wanted to do it as he rake her, who was massaging the sensitive areas of his stump and asked questions that he could only manage to give so little answers;

"How did it happened?"

"A car accident." He was in a car with Cersei who he pulled her from a club when he saw she was half-naked on-top of two guys named Kattleback. It was the same night he fought with Tyrion about their father's involvement to ruin Tysha. It was the worst night of his life. Everyone was both at fault and not.

“How long since-“

“Three years.” The same year Cersei saw and was disgusted by his lesser self and decided to just move with Robert to Stormlands. And probably sleep with anyone with a cock and sometimes cunt.

“Do you still feel the phantom pain?”

“In the early years but rarely now.”

“Physical therapist?”

He nodded. “I still have appointments but not as regular.” His physical therapist was named Arthur Dayne, several years older and a kind man. In fact, one of the few people he could even call kind in his life.

The woman in front is him too. _Kind_. And they were married yesterday. She was his wife. And she was kind _to him._

He didn’t deserve it, he knew it but that what kind people did to you, they just keep being kind and never stop.

**———————**

They went their separate ways after she finished massaging his stump; him washing the dishes and shower while Brienne started to unpack her things. Only the heavy presence of gratitude and the understanding of both of them needing their space that they knew they didn’t need words for now.

She took the whole day to unpacked; more time to organize her books on the bookshelves. Jaime wasn’t much of a reader himself but he knew she had varieties of books; Bold fonts covered with red color were probably thrillers, books that have awards were most of the time general fiction, and half-naked men held their girls were confirmed romance- in which she put on the lower shelf and scrambled to covered them when Jaime passed by.

Oberyn Martell decided to call him later in the evening. They spent hours on the phone, discussing Tywin's plan of building a new branch in Dorne to force the oil business he agreed with Oberyn’s brother. 

Oberyn Martell was a pain in the ass to deal with. Jaime didn’t know what to reply when he congratulated him on his marriage. “Your brother and I are still good drinking buddies.” Oberyn laughed. He even made sure that he complimented Brienne, saying that she has very nice legs. Jaime made a face, everyone knew Martell’s reputation. He didn’t need to hear from this manwhore’s mouth that his wife has nice legs. _He_ knew she does. “The dress was exquisite too, maybe Aunt Genna could style my daughters on their wedding day.” He added. Which annoyed Jaime more.

When he finished, Jaime went out to the kitchen and saw a takeout for him that Brienne ordered. He ate slowly, the phone call made him tired and he needed to meet Tywin first day in the morning on Monday to discuss making a contract for the Martells. 

Finally, finished eating, Jaime went to his room and saw Brienne finishing up folding her clothes in their walk-in closet.

He touched her shoulder as he passed by to go to the bathroom. 

**Brienne**

Gods, she was nervous. 

It was already late when she had finished unpacking her things completely. Jaime was already in bed, hopefully already asleep. 

After she washed her face, aggressively brushed her teeth, she went to bed too. The room was dark and she knew instantly that Jaime wasn’t asleep when she laid beside him.

“Brienne.”

She closed her eyes. “Yes?”

“Thank you. About the stump.”

“You’re welcome.”

He didn’t talk after that but she could feel he shifted. He was near that she felt his breathing on her neck.

“What?” Her voice strained.

“I mean it when I said I want us to work.”

She pursed her lips, nodding too fast for herself. “I want it to work too.” She said softly.

Brienne could feel Jaime came closer. “Good. I like us being truthful with each other since the beginning.” He said the same thing when they first met. “And I want you to know that I... I like _touching._ ”

She opened her eyes at that. She was glad that the room was dark and he couldn't see that she was blushing. She braced herself and turned to him. His eyes were fierce despite the low light from the outside, shone through the crack of the drapes. 

“What do you mean, Jaime?”

“I know this might sound uncomfortable between us but I haven’t slept so deeply until last night.” Jaime understood her reaction but he quickly added, “I mean, not the sex, like- a, l like sleeping knowing I could have someone beside me, skin touching skin. It made me feel guarded.”

_Oh_ , not sex. She knew that. She expected that. Of course, he didn’t mean sex, _of course._

“...Okay.” She huffed a word.

He moved closer and closer and reached for her face. “Can we snuggle?”

What should she say in this situation, really? Unless it was: “Okay.”

Brienne didn’t know her husband well yet. But when he spoke after she granted her permission, his voice echoed as if he was smiling while saying it. “Thank you.”

He snuggled to her. His arms surrounded her waist loosely and his leg between hers and the other touching her shin up and down. Brienne was shy to even move when he finally nuzzled his face in the same area as night; the area between her neck and shoulder.

If she didn't have any ounce of calmness, she would freak out when he said; “You smelled nice. Like vanilla. I like it.” In his sleepy voice. 

_Oh gods, what the fuck...?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently finished The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller which was the book I'd been putting off because I'm a coward and knew what happened.
> 
> I finished it and as expected, I cried like a bitch.


	5. Siblings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter started off soft, then not, then heavy.
> 
> Jaime’s siblings. Aunt Genna's birthday party. Blue dress. Chaos comes.  
> (TRIGGER WARNINGS: Assault, physical violence, sexual assault, dissociation).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one hefty chapter and I stalled writing this one for weeks because I need to read more journals on Jaime’s condition. Feel free to inform me if I’m wrong on the psychological aspect of this chapter. 
> 
> I did take classes and have a close family member who had the same condition as Jaime (albeit not as worst).

**Brienne **

It felt almost like a routine. They would wake up tangled to each other, said their ‘good mornings’ and then smiled shyly (for her side at least, he just gave her the sleepy one; which was handsome, and that made her smile shyly) and then he would quickly get up form the bed first to shower and get ready for work.

When he was dressed, it was her turn to shower, and after she was ready-Jaime would already left by that time- Brienne would go to the kitchen and she would see him already prepared her breakfast- it was a small pitcher so she could eat along the way to work. Jaime had told his PA, a young man named Peck to buy nuts, Oreos and other forms of toppings that were suitable to put into her greek yogurt.

His house was not as far as hers from the train station, but it would still take at least 30 minutes with the traffic and the rush hour.

And on weekends, they would do whatever chores they had to do and then either he or she would turn on the tv to watch something. They both found out that they loved space operas and but agreed that the new generation of Star Wars was bad (as Jaime said; “Fucking sucks. You could clearly see that they only make this for nostalgia.”) and both really loved that show called The Lion Lord and the Blue Knight.

When it was time for bed, it depends. Brienne liked to read before bed, not caring that the light in their room was dimmed. On the first night, she did it on the first Monday after their wedding. She left work which was quite late on that day. She knew she was given a pass because she recently got married. Even the attack of questions she expected from Margaery was not as extreme as she imagined.

“He treated you right?” Brienne knew what her friend meant by that. Although Jaime was one of the most recognizable faces in King's Landing, and one of the most ‘sought after bachelor’ in his prime age of 20s to 30s, he was not the type who was in the spotlight that much unlike his siblings. He had never had a rumor of him seeing someone-a woman or a man- all throughout his life, now that she knew why.

Brienne smiled softly at her friend. “He’s kind.”

Then, after work before bed on that same day, he asked, “What are you reading?” It was quite _an experience _ for her because that night, she was reading an erotica Greek Mythology novel and she was smiling like an idiot (and also crunching her face from too much smut). “It’s about Hades and Persephone.”

“Ah, the only Greek god who doesn’t cheat. My brother told the story. They were meant to be, right?”

“There are many versions of every myth but in this case, the fates bound them together.” Then, she kept talking about it. How in this, Hades kidnapped his bride to bring her to the underworld, and how angry Demeter was and how trapped Persephone felt- both on the surface and in the underworld.

She talked and discussed Jaime’s small inputs about the myth. It probably has been a minute that Brienne yawned.

“Do you want to sleep already?” There was almost laughter in his voice. Brienne shook her head. “One more chapter.”  _ Or two. Or three. _

“Bri… can I?” They would be snuggling for two nights straight if included this night.

“Sure.” She lowered herself until she laid on the bed, and turned to him, body rigid but ready for him to snuggle close. It should be awkward. It  _ was _last night but then Brienne realised that snuggling can be platonic and not romantic. 

She thought about this intimacy with Jaime during work after the first night. So her conclusion was; Margaery liked touching too and when she crashed into Brienne’s room in college, her friend would snuggle and even gave her a goodnight kiss. Even kids like to cuddle. So, it was not a problem. She _learned_ to not take his words to her heart. About the _‘not sex, but touching’_. She was learning to be grateful to be married to Jaime. And the sex, she could get past it. Maybe Jaime regretted touching her in the first place or him knowing her being a virgin, the need to take it was important so that they could do it again later; when the time comes and the pressure of needing children to arise, they would.

Her father, Sewlyn was right about one thing, in which he said to her when she went to college and worked far away from Tarth; she adapts quickly.

“Can you extend your hand?” Brienne blinked at that but holding the book with her right, she extended her left.“Like this?”

He hummed in agreement and came closer until his head rested on her arm and his arms wrapped around her middle. “Your fingers?”

“What?”

“Can you brush my hair? I sleep better.”

_Holy hell, why does this turn to like soft scenes in romance novels?_

“Please?” That was it for her. She gave him a scoff, but she did it anyway. Her mind crossed back to Margaery again, she too sometimes requested Brienne to play her hair during nights when she self-pedicured.

“You’re just like a cat.” Brienne ran her fingers through his hair in repeated motions. He hummed as if he agreed, and closed his eyes.

“If I was a cat, you would be my favorite owner.”

“ _Master_ , you mean.”

“I’m the cat. So it makes you _my_ butler.”

She laughed softly. “Go to sleep, Jaime.”

“Good night, Bri. Enjoy the book.”

They slept like that for almost two weeks.

** Jaime **

Tyrion called.

“Brother.” Tyrion’s voice sounded like he just finished a bottle of wine: sultry and overly joyous.

Jaime grunted and rubbed his eyes. “Tyrion, you called at what time?” He looked at his phone. 3 AM. “It’s late.”

“And you pick up rightttttt away.” He giggled. Yes, definitely drunk. “How’re your first two weeks? Is my sister-in-law beside you?” Jaime turned to his right, Brienne was sleeping soundlessly, her forehead kissed the edge of his shoulder lightly. She was reading again and Jaime went to sleep first and as if it was the most normal thing to do, he would nuzzle to her and his head would be on her arm and she would slowly brush his hair with her fingers while never wavering her focus in reading. He liked it because he slept better.

Like a cat.

“She’s sleeping.” He instantly walked out of their room.

“Wake me up for her!” He screamed through the phone.

“Fuck no.” Jaime hissed playfully, trying to hide his laughter. Tyrion hadn’t called him for quite a while and he missed his little brother. “Why are you drunk in the middle of the afternoon?” He was living in Essos with his wife and two kids. When Tywin found out he was marrying Tysha without his consent, his little brother, who was known to like to whoring around and drink hard liquor, already prepared to leave. They lost contact for a year until he reached out to Jaime via a package of expensive wine from Essos.

“My Tysha opened another branch for our wine factory and we were celebrating.” His brother’s usual heavy voice sounded lighter for the past two years too.  _Hells_ , even before the marriage, when Tyrion told him he found the one woman who would not judge his looks nor his money, who was with him for him, Jaime was already happy for Tyrion (despite his was an idiot and agreed with Tywin of Tysha's social ladder at first). Growing up in the hollow mansion in the Casterly Rock has shaped all the Lannister children to be bitter and sad. Tyrion got the worst of all. Bullied and nearly died by the hands of their sister and hated by their father for the only crime that he was born, Tyrion only could rely on Jaime most of the time. Most of the time, Jaime tried to help but his little brother knew he was torn between him and Cersei. So he managed a lot of things alone. Tyrion was smart and analytical, he could go far. 

Far enough that he left to live in Essos.

It all started the night when Jaime lost his hand. Tysha, which Jaime knew Tywin’s plan to do to her, ratted out to Tyrion about it after knowing the worst truth and it angered Tyrion that he let out Cersei’s constant cheatings on Jaime. And he, the stupidest of the three, went to the place and saw the only woman he had ever loved in action. Then, the fight, the hittings, and the car hit a barrier and the maiming.

“Aunt Genna told you?”

Jaime sighed. Another problem. “Yeah, she invited you too?”

“I don't know how that old woman got my number but she was nice enough to me. If I have my favorite Lannister list, you would be the first and she's second.”

Surprise stuck him. “You’re coming home?”

“Not coming home.  _ Visiting _ .”

_Oh_ . “You confirmed coming? Like, you already booked a plane ticket? Where will you stay?”

“Already. A hotel near Riverrun. Don’t worry about me, I’ve got myself covered.”

Jaime gulped and walked further into the leaving room. His eyes scanning the city below him. A small part of him wished that Tyrion would already arrive and wait at his door to surprise him. But his playful, smart little brother was miles away and finally happy. 

“Is Tysha and the kids coming?”

That guffawed Tyrion. “Letting my family near all those socios? Nope, only me.”

_My family. Am I not family too?_ Jaime admitted he deserved Tyrion’s anger after he sided with Tywin over Tysha’s issue.

“Tyrion, I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too. For leaving. But you know it was the best thing I could do. Father was ready to hurt one woman who loved me for who I am. Funny really, thinking about it; how that old _twat_ never wanted me but refused and almost destroyed that one person that _wants_ me. It was not like I was going to be the heir.”

“Father and his pride.” 

“And extremely legacy obsessive despite being a giant monopolist sociopath.” Tyrion agreed. 

They went quiet for a moment.

“Do you think Cersei will come?” Jaime asked. He feared her. He did. After all those sessions with Marbrand, Jaime truly didn’t know how much she used him.

“Are you alright with it? 

“I’ve been seeing Dr. Marbrand for a while now.”

“Truly? That's good, brother.”

“But, I don’t know if I want to ever see her face.“ It has been three years since he last saw Cersei. He blocked her number and any possible communications he had from her, which he would change it yearly. Not thinking and seeing Cersei’s face was, at first,  _ weird_. His sister had been his constant priority for decades and now, it was not anymore. It was like he was finally able to breathe non-toxic air for the first time. Dr. Marbrand noted that Jaime suffered from codependency and it would take a while to get used to it. It was scary and it felt too much at first but Jaime really didn’t want this breath of fresh air to be gone. So, cutting off Cersei was the first thing he did and the most prioritized to do after that therapy session. It was not as hard as other cases he read. He was thankful for Cersei to be disgusted by his hand and him finding out her cheating and she left him and broke him entirely.

“Let’s hope she will not come. If she does, she truly doesn’t have any shame. It’s not like Genna even likes her.”

“I hope so.”

“I mean, hey, if she does come, at least Brienne will be there right? You like her enough to marry. That’s what I was told.” That made Jaime chuckled. “Fucking Sandor told you?”

“ _Duh_.  Is Brienne treating you right?”

“She does,” Jaime said sincerely. “Bri has been gentle and kind. She even asked me to take off my prosthetic around the house because she knew how uncomfortable it was for me. Sometimes we even cooked breakfast together.”

“Bri?” He could picture Tyrion’s eyebrows lifted. “You should call me Ty by now.”

“Fuck off Tyrion.”

His drunk brother laughed. “I’m really glad you’re married. That you’re on your own. Free from her.”  _You have your own thoughts and your own life, you control your own body;_ that was the words that Tyrion meant but never spoken.

Jaime heard a commotion in the background. “Is my nephew crying?”

“Yes. He needs me.” Tyrion dramatically sighed. “I should go. I’ll send pictures of the kids later.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Jaime. I will see you soon.”

He went back to the room happy. His heart warmed when he saw his wife coming to his bed space. His need to be closed rubbed on her. It had only been two weeks but they would then find each other in their sleep.

Jaime went to the bed and snuggled closer to her. Brienne grunted in her sleep but let Jaime be in her arms.

** ——————— **

Aunt Genna was having her 65th birthday at her house in Riverrun. All the Lannisters were invited. 

It was Friday night and Jaime already tidied up and wore proper clothes for the early days of fall. He got ready while waiting for Brienne to come home. “Why don't you go first? I don’t think I can catch up today, I just got back. I’ll take a taxi.” Brienne suggested when he called to inform her that he was waiting.

“No. I’ll wait for you at home. I have something for you.”

“Um, Okay.” He could hear her boots clucking on the road as he was fixing his hair.

“Have you eaten, Jaime?”

“The birthday party will probably have food.”

“I bought leftovers from my office. I feel like we’re not going to eat until it's very late. Chinese, your favourite.”

He smiled at his reflection. “Alright, wife. See you at home.” He walked to her side of the closet and put the paper bag on her pile of clothes.

Jaime saw the dress when he was with Tywin talking business with the Freys while overlooking the new mall they had built with Lannister’s loan. The dress was dark blue and was made of silk from Essos and he could picture her long legs would look absolutely stunning because of the slit of dress. The back of the dress was bare and he liked to see her in it. He wanted to surprise her with the dress and wanted to see her wearing it at the birthday party. He excused himself from the group and bought it on that spot, spent minutes calculating her size in his head and trying to deliver the information to the retailer.

It has been two weeks since they fucked and Jaime became overly needy of her touch since. He didn't know how to approach the sex talk after he requested the snuggles. He craved being inside her and woke up everyday with an erection, worse if he woke up tangled to her. That was the reason why he would get up instantly to go to the bathroom in the guise of getting ready for work.

He didn’t know Brienne herself was aware but seeing her honest face not reacting nor blushing, he guessed she didn’t.

The doorbell suddenly rang, wondering why Brienne even bothered. Yet it wasn’t the first time she forgot her keys. “Well, you came back earlier than-” he was smiling until he didn’t.

** Brienne  **

“When are you going to come home and visit me?” She could clearly picture her dad pouting. Sewlyn liked to call her randomly, despite the fact that they would only talk for a few seconds. “When both me and Jaime are free.”

“You should come during the Fall festivals. There will be a lot of goat meat and beer. I don’t know if Jaime likes those things but you both should come let him experience it.”

“I’ll think about it. Jaime's a busy man.”

“You sound happy, child. He treats you right?”

“He does.” She said and they said their goodbyes. She was blocks away from the penthouse when an unknown number called. She pressed red until it called again.

“Brienne!”

“Who’s this?”

“Fuck! Hey, it's Tyrion. Your brother-in-law. Is Jaime with you?”

“No. He’s at home. I’m on my way though. I'll be up in a minute.”

“Fuck! **_Fuck_**.” Tyrion cussed but was not directed to her. He sounded distressed. “Tyrion, are you okay?”

“Can you run? Cersei's not at the party. Robert came alone. And I called Jaime’s phone but he didn’t pick up. I’m on my way-”

Brienne’s breathing hitched and she ran.

** Jaime **

Cersei let herself in.

“What do you want?” He backed up until his back met the wall.  _Breathe_.

She smiled at him, beautiful. Her hand reached up to his lapel. “It has been a long time brother. You don’t miss me?” Her lips were so close on his ear, that when she pecked him near his earlobe, his breathing became erratic.

He looked into her similar green eyes. Jaime thought she was beautiful all his life but now, she was rotten to her core to him. “You know I don’t.” He declared.

_How did she know where I live? Did father tell her?_ _How did she get past the guards?_

Cersei sighed and walked around the house as if it was hers. She went to grab a bottle of wine that was placed on the island for him to bring to Aunt Genna’s.

“Get out, Cersei.”

She wore a blood-red dress that hugged her pert curves perfectly. Her hair hung free and her makeup was perfect. She opened the bottle and drank the wine like water. Insulted, Cersei then angrily broke the wine bottle by slamming in on the island. Jaime flinched at the sound of the glass shattered and the sound of wine dripping that he looked away. “I came here to you after three years and you want me to leave?” 

_You don’t have to explain_ _._ Dr. Marbrand's voice reminded him.  _ You don’t have the obligation to. _ “Get out before I call the cops.”

She laughed. “You would think they believe you?” She came closer to him again. “A woman, me, and attacking you?” Jaimie wanted to go under. His whole body went rigid and he couldn’t feel his arms and legs. He felt like his heart stopped when Cersei's hand went to touch his cock. 

He tried to remind himself of Marbrand’s breathing method.

“Go away, Cersei.”

_Please. Go away._

“Jaime, fuck me. Come on baby, I make sure this dress is practical. I missed you inside me.” She cooed and her hands were all over him; his chest, his hair, and went again to his cock.

“My wife is coming home soon. You better leave.”

“Oh, you’re hiding behind your wife now? Funny, you did hide behind me too.” Before her lips touched his, Jaime gathered the strength he had to push her away. He backed up to the wall again to avoid himself from falling.

“Get. Out.” He warned, they were anger rattled in his voice.

“Does her cunt so tight for you to act like this to me?” She came close to him again but not touching. Her green eyes light with questions and surprise. It was the first time he managed to say no to her.

He should be mentally prepared to face her. He _expected_ her at his wedding. He had talked about this to Tyrion; about her being at the party. But this was _his_ home, and she couldn’t be here. This was his _safe space_. This was his place with Brienne. Jaime’s head couldn’t even think at this moment. It was as if his life support failed him and he couldn’t even picture Dr. Marbrand beside him, coaching him the breathing tactics.

He wanted to feel calm, instead, he was scared and angry. He was afraid he would burst. Cersei’s voice echoed but Jaime couldn’t hear until the last few sentences. “Did she poisoned you to for her to fuck you? Are you blind, brother? She looks like a fucking cow.” 

That angered him greatly. “Don’t you fucking dare talk about my wife like that!” He yelled. _No_ , he maybe just said it calmly. He wasn’t sure.

Yet, it didn’t change how Cersei reacted.

The slapped turned his head and he hit the wall. It hurt and throbbed but his cheek felt jarring. The rings and her nails added what Jaime felt was blood in his mouth. He tried to breathe.

Breathe.

_Breathe_.

**_Breathe. _ **

“Listen here, Jaime.” She grabbed his faceby his chin and her nails dug sharply on his throbbing cheek. “Just because we are not fucking doesn’t mean you can talk back to me. Remember that you are nothing without me. We are destined together.”

He wanted to puke. He wanted to hide. He wanted to go inside.  He wanted Brienne.

Something flew to Cersei.

He didn’t know what happened next. Cersei let him go and he sagged to the floor. His mind went blank and it felt like he was falling. But as his eyes blinked trying to focus, all he saw was his Brienne’s concerned and caring eyes.

**Brienne**

She threw the cup of coffee she held at Cersei, it wetted her hair and the pretty dress. Before she could react, Brienne grabbed her.

“Stay away from him.” Brienne was grateful that she was tall for once, so she could shadow Cersei. She was also glad that she has an ugly face because the beautiful woman cringed when she turned to her.

“You are hideous.”

“I know.” She dragged Cersei. Held her firmly to the lift until they reached the grown floor. Cersei fought but Brienne was strong. She dragged the woman until the front door and said, “Stay away from Jaime. I don’t know what you’ve done but he trusted me enough to know your relationship and I know how it ends.” And closed the door to her face.

“Who let her go upstairs?” She asked the security guards and managed to control her voice as much as she could.

One young guard looked at her confused. “She said she’s a sister of Jaime. And they do look the same.” They did look the same, she thought. Both beautiful but _so_ different. All she managed to say was. “Do not let her in again.”

When she went back up, Jaime was still sitting on the floor. “Jaime.” She held his face. He didn’t faint but his body and mind were definitely elsewhere.

“Jaime.” She pressed. He blinked and looked at her. “Brienne?” Oh, she wanted to cry. He looked terrified. “Yes. I’m here.”

** ——————— **

Tyrion came minutes later, coming into the already open front door, huffing and announcing; “The psycho left after I asked Sandor to drag her away.” and when he saw Brienne and Jaime still on the floor, Tyrion scrunched on the floor too. “ _ Jaime _ .” 

Tyrion hugged him. Jaime choked a sound and reacted from the touch. “Tyrion.” His voice came from deep within him, almost he breathed after he died for a short moment. He hugged Tyrion back tightly. They hugged for a long moment while Brienne observed from afar. Jaime's rapid breathing turned slow minutes pass from the way his shoulders moved.

“Tyrion, she-she.” Jaime’s voice was linear and almost soulless. But his sullen eyes now shone bright, energetic. He started to untie his bow. “Let me out of this shirt. She was too near.” He started to take off his coat, his tie. Both Tyrion and Brienne tried to stop him, both panicked because the way Jaime talked was _so calm_ but the words screamed chaos. “She was _too near_. She _touched me._ I tried to stop her but I couldn’-” His voice was so strained and _little_.

“Jaime! It’s alright.” She held his shoulders firm. She held his gaze long, worried and desperate to help him. The left side of his face already has a small bruise with the imprint of Cersei’s hand. “I’m sorry, Brienne. I feel disgusting.” He pulled the buttons of his shirt, hand running through his hair in disbelief. “I’m disgusting.” He repeated calmly.

“Her perfume reeks on me. Let me out of this shirt. I can’t.” he begged, hand clenched on her arm. “ _I can’t_.”

**\---------**

Tyrion helped him bathe and put him into the most comfortable pajama he could find in the closet. He added an extra layer of a cardigan for Jaime too. Brienne prepared the bed and the sleeping pill that Tyrion suggested. 

Jaime’s breakdown exhausted him and he instantly went to sleep as his head landed on his pillow. Both of them left the room and Tyrion called Jaime’s therapist, Dr. Addam Marbrand.

** \-------- **

Tyrion had to leave and promised to come back later. “I’m sorry that we had to meet this way.” 

Both of them were exhausted, and Tyrion looked like he would need a whole day of sleep to even function. “It’s fine,” Brienne assured. She had to look down to talk to him. None of the Lannister even bother mentioned Tyrion was a dwarf. It made Brienne feel like a _giant_ giant, and she had felt this way since high school. “When I saw him and Cersei. She has her hand on his throat and the bruise...”

Tyrion actually shuddered. “Welcome to the family, Brienne Lannister,” he said, defeated. “Where all the three children of Tywin are a bunch of fucked ups.”

She didn’t reply to that statement. “I’ll try the best I can to help him.”

Tyrion looked wary. “You don’t need to feel responsible to be beside him. It’s his demons and he needs to learn to tame it.”

Brienne bit her lower lip but she agreed. “I know but he needs all the support he could get.”

Tyrion licked his lips and turned his head at the door for a moment and then looked up to her again. “I admit that I should be with him after the accident happened.” Brienne only knew one accident that Jaime mentioned a few weeks ago. “But, I, myself was in a very bad place. I found my dad trying to fucked over my now wife’s business and paid a gangster to threaten her. Threatened to _rape_ her. I was mad at Jaime because he knew about it- not the rape part, but still- and thought ‘it was the best’ when I confronted him because he loves his family despite how shitty everyone treated him. As if I need to listen to someone who fucked his own sister and has shitty codependency issues.  Oh, he didn’t tell you that?”

“About your wife? No. But Cersei? He told me when we first met.” Tyrion laughed at that. Brienne just shrugged.  


Tyrion continued anyways. “Well, I was so mad and told him that he was so far in Cersei’s ass that he couldn’t tell that that bitch cheated on him with multiple people while his dumbass stayed faithful. And he went to the place where Cersei frequent and saw her busying fucking _twins_ and they fought on the way home and that fucking accident happened and he lost his hand. Then, he went to a completely shitty place after Cersei left and I was angry and left him too to fend for himself.” He paused. “And now, after three years, here we are.”

**———**

They discussed what Dr. Marbrand has provided them to take care of Jaime after his breakdown. Tyrion will later send papers and journals about Jaime’s condition that was approved by Dr. Marbrand the next day when he fully rested.

They said their goodbyes and even hugged, like soldiers coming out alive from a war, experienced the same horror that was Cersei.

** Jaime **

He saw Brienne sleeping beside him when he first opened his eyes. And the papers.

His eyes scanned his surroundings. The lights from the outside showed that it was early morning. He cannot remember what happened last night. Or the last two nights.

The only scenes he remembered were Cersei coming inside and Brienne’s clear eyes. And he thought he did see Tyrion too. His body seems to remember the imprint of Tyrion’s small body pressed to him. Maybe he did come.

Jaime looked around the room again. He saw a glass of water on the side drawer and pick up and drank it clean. He then touched his face. He didn’t shave for two days before they planned to go to Aunt Genna’s birthday party and his scruff almost was a stubble. He estimated maybe he blackout for at least a whole day and a half.

He turned back to Brienne who was asleep clutching the papers.

He took a while to read the big bold fonts of the stack. He only finally identified the words _‘Dissociation Amnesia’_ and one on _‘Treatment with Psychotherapy’_. There was even on PTSD one which was decorated with a bunch of highlight marks and post-it notes on it.

All of the papers have Jaime’s conditions.

He woke up Brienne.

She jolted almost immediately. “Jaime! You’re awake! Do you need anything? Oh, you finished your water. I’ll go get some more.” She crawled to his side of the bed to take the glass and walked out and in quickly. She carefully put the glass on his hand.

“How long since I blacked out?” He asked and his voice was gruff like he had a cold. And it hurt to speak that caused him to drink the water until the glass was empty again.

“You’ve been sleeping for two days straight.” He took the information calmly. It was probably a bad episode. He hadn’t slept this long for years and that was because the first long episode was also because of Cersei. It was really ironic to consider his sister was his trigger, after thinking she was his life.

“Did Tyrion come? I felt like I saw him.” Maybe he was so desperate for comfort that his mind created Tyrion.

“Yes, he did. He said he will come back later when you wake up. Should I call him?” Jaime shook his head. “Later.” And he went to lay down again. Brienne followed him after putting the papers on the cabinet beside the bed.

Jaime came closer and snuggled to her. His forehead resting near her lips and his nose touching her throat. His arm pulled her close and his fingers clutched the shirt on her shoulder blade. He breathed in her familiar vanilla scent.

Her fingers went automatically to brush his hair. Jaime sighed in calmness. “Thank you.”

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. “I was late. I only knew when Tyrion called me telling that Cer- she wasn’t at the party when her husband was.”

“I can’t remember what happened but I remember you. It’s alright. You came anyway.” He looked up to her eyes. So clear but watery, trying to hold back tears. Jaime never had someone crying for him, it almost warmed his heart but most of all shocked him.

“You take our ‘want this to work’ to heart, don't you? You can’t, you know? I will always be a disappointment.” He hoped she knew _after_ episode Jaime was an _asshole_ Jaime and liked to burst. Dr. Marbrand and he agreed that no one should know about his condition but he knew he had been talking about Brienne to Addam all the time that his therapist would at least hint his condition. Tyrion probably called Addam and requested journals surface level disorders Jaime suffered so Brienne could ' _handle_ ' him.

“Do you want to leave me now you see the real me?”

“Of course I won’t.” She looked at him pained. “I don’t know how bad your condition is. But Dr. Marbrand said you’re getting better.”

“He can lie. Maybe I’m getting worse.”

“He’s your therapist. And he can’t lie like that. It’s unethical.”

“You’re so honorable.” He chuckled. “You’re going to get trap with me and you’ll despise me.”

“I agreed to marry you after you said you have an incestuous relationship with your sister, and you think you having a breakdown because that woman has the nerve to come here and  _ hurt you _ would make me want to leave?”

“Tyrion did.”

“Yeah because you did hurt him and he had his own issues too. You broke his heart Jaime, and he has the right to take care of himself too. Yes, he told me about the accident and how you lost your hand.”

“Oh.” Fuck.

“Yes, ‘ _oh_ ’. I’m glad you decided to meet a therapist and learned to heal, all decided by yourself, you’re progressing Jaime.”

That was a _compliment_? When Tywin heard about his son went to help, he only gave him a side glance. But he was a boomer and it was a taboo for them still. He even lightly mentioned therapy once to Aunt Genna’s and she asked him is he was sick and needed to go to a hospital.

“I’m not a damsel in distress for you to save me.”

“I’m not saving you. I’m just here to support you to heal.”

“It will never heal. It would be a black hole inside of me.”

“If you not going to heal. Then, you still will get better. And the black hole will turn into a scar. And I will be here to witness it.” Why did it sound so good to hear that reassurance? Why did he crave to hear it for years? And why this woman who knew his dark past still want him? Flaws and all.

“You don’t have to be responsible for me just because we’re married.” He stated. Brienne just huffed and reply; “Well I want to. Why did you marry me in the first place, then?”

He didn’t need to think hard. “Because you’re my last option. And you came from a good family. And when I met you, you seem so neutral and objective and never wavered. And I like you enough to marry you.” He paused and stared at her. “And I think we might work.”

“And how is our marriage so far for the two weeks we been together?” She asked, her fingers were still brushing his hair, but she faced away.

“Working.” He answered. “Comfortable.” He added.  _Safe. Calm. Affectionate but unpassionate. Kind_.

“Working. Comfortable.” She agreed. “Sooner or later, you will know my struggles too. I’m glad I married you. You have been kind to me, Jaime, and I too, like you enough to marry you.” She smiled- so soft and kind- that kind of smiled that lit up your face.

Kind. That word again.

Jaime has never been kind all his life. And she just said he was. Jaime has always been an asshole, an idiot, spoiled, useless, blindly devoted, even  _ douche canoe _ . Never kind.

“Brienne…" he said simply.

Her gaze fluttered over his hair and face to fasten on his mouth. That was his undoing.

Jaime leaned toward her, raised his face and pressed his lips to hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this, smut will come and therapy too.
> 
> The book Brienne was reading is Receiver of Many by Rachel Alexander and it IS erotica of Hades and Persephone and it's actually good and well-researched.
> 
> I recently finished reading Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo. And the book was sure it fucked up and engaging to read. But now my heart only wants to read soft books because that book... is a lot.


	6. Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Jaime and Brienne started to touch more. Where Dr. Addam is the most chill therapist ever. Where Jaime stood up for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut~ and therapy.
> 
> When I wrote this, Jaime is my head is Jaime who is older, Jaime left alone by his family to fend himself, who decided to take a step to be better for himself and a Jaime who is healing. Healing is different to many people, but I feel like Jaime will be a little bit morose despite he's a giant cocky bitch.

**Jaime**

He pecked her lips and waited. 

By he _meant_ waited was to go to her chin, then to that nook between her lips. Her breath was hot, his mouth moist as he trailed it an inch higher. It was Brienne who cut the distance between them. 

Jaime groaned and thanked the gods.

He went for it; turned his mouth to the side and sealed their lips together, going from chaste to hungry in one second flat. Brienne was still new and didn’t know which way to move but she learned quickly to follow his lead. He went one direction and she went the other, their tongues clashing instinctively. They kissed and they kissed. Mouth hot and wet and both breathing hard. But it wasn’t enough.

 _Fuck_. He screamed inside when her hands went up to grab his hair as he rose above her, never losing the lock he had on her lips. Jaime didn’t know where he got the energy but he was so swift that Brienne stopped moving where he had spread her legs wide and settled his hips and body between them. Jaime kissed her like he never wanted to stop. He _did not want_ to stop but he was being reckless and impulsive they Brienne tried to speak.

“Jai-“ she tried to speak between the kisses. “Jaime, are you sure about this?” He pulled back. “Yes!” He said hastily. “Are you?”

“But- you just woke up and you need to eat!”

“I don’t want to eat food! I want to eat you!” That made her blushed so red she babbled. “Bu- but- you said you like touching.”

"Yes! But I like sex too.”

“But-“ She stopped talking when Jaime settled his groin against her. The rigid, hard, long erection nestled right between her legs as he went down to his forearms. “I want you. This is your proof.”

**Brienne**

“Are you sure?” She asked again. Jaime has been through so much mentally for the past two days and she really didn’t want to rattle him.

Despite she was blushing and literally felt small inside, she wanted him too. But still, was he okay?

Jaime rocked his hips, making her gasped. Rubbing the seam of her body through the thin material of both of their pants and Brienne instinct lifted her butt to get more of him. They kissed again; roughly now, tongues dueling in her mouth.

This was a terrible idea, and she wasn’t going to stop it. She wasn’t ever going to tell him to stop. It didn’t make sense, and she didn’t even care.

Tearing her mouth away from his, Brienne sucked in a breath when he gave a rough roll of his lower body, a pump, a jerk, that said he wanted in. And she wanted him in.

“Touch me, Brienne.” 

And she did.

**—----—**

She didn’t know who undressed who first; he was already shirtless and she couldn’t help touching his biceps and his chest as he diverged south, kissing a spot on her collarbone that made her shudder. Then he moved lower. Brienne pulled his hair almost painfully when he swiped his tongue over a pebbled nipple before sucking it into his mouth. All the while, his hand was gently squeezing her other breast, and then his fingers not-so-gently pinching the nipple. Brienne let out a ragged sigh as he lifted his head away, and began to lavish the same attention on her other breast.

“Hmm, such sweet, sensitive little breasts,” he said huskily. “Do you like that?” She bit her lip and squeezed her legs together, trying to shift against the pillows. She barely nodded when his hand glided down, and pulled off her pants, struggling for a second but managed to. He went down until his fingers slid right into her curls and then the core of her, making her cry out in surprise.

He gave an approving growl. “You’re so wet for me.”

She tipped her head back to look at him as his other finger slid up inside her. Her cheeks felt scorched. She held her breath. “Jaime.”

Gods!

“Brienne, look at me,” he said in a low, insistent voice as he moved his fingers inside her, making her breathing hitch and her head tossed on the pillow. She gazed up at him, her chest heaving. To her embarrassment, his eyes went down to look at her core.

Then he went lower to be between her legs.

**Jaime**

He was trying to not cum early by thinking of Aunt Genna’s face. Both of them wore the same high-quality couple pajama that she bought as a wedding present; hers in dark blue and his burgundy red. 

She wore no bra. Or panties.

_Fuck_.

He happily buried his face between her thighs and feasted on the sweetness there. And he missed the taste of her despite only eating her once. It was true that he was hungry but he was hungry to be like this too. And gods, she was delicious.

When she tried to twist away, he took a firm grasp of her soft thighs and held her in place for his voracious mouth. Her legs trembled, her fingers gripped his hair and soon she was panting his name in helpless appeal, but he wouldn’t give it to her. His tongue went deeper into her core that his name from her mouth was like a melody.

He heard her gasp again and then her hands were traveling restlessly over his back. “Please Jaime,” she whispered.

He slid back up the bed at that. She was eager this time, almost as eager as he was when he settled over her. Brienne grabbed his face and kissed him. He couldn’t help but moaned when his mouth touched hers and she tasted herself. He was so hard and it was aching when he felt her hand went from his shoulder to his navel and fingers brushing his hardness from his pants. When she managed to undress the last piece of clothing of his, she was eager to touch him but Jaime stopped her. “Not now, love. I want to be inside you.” 

He kissed her forehead and again her lips. He positioned himself. “Brienne.” he breathed. Then he thrust inside her and they both gasped. “Are you... ?”

“I’m okay,” she hastened to assure him. “Please don’t stop.”

“I’m not going to stop.”

His restraint was gone. And he thrust deep. Brienne was so tight, so responsive, he had to grit his jaw against the glorious sensation so he would last. Being inside her was perfect and her core snugged his cock so tight and warm. 

Brienne wrapped her legs around him as they finally found their rhythm. Jaime took her mouth again in a surprisingly tender kiss. He cannot be sure it was him or her performing a chorus of moans, gasps, pants, and whimpers surrounding them when she felt so good under and around him. 

Jaime let his full weight settle on top of her, wrapping one arm under her shoulder and the other around her thigh, and drives himself as deep as he can, throbbing desperately at the feel of her squeezing around him. Brienne was soft yet firm, strong and delicate, and her legs tight around his waist and fingers digging into his shoulder blade and his flank provided an exquisite euphoria of lust.

She clung to him, she made approving, encouraging sounds and—glory of glories—she took it all and rewarded him by coming on his cock with an enthusiasm that triggered his own. He shouted. _Fucking fuck._

**\------**

He looked at her boringly, both still breathing hard. Brienne’s hand went to touch the side of his face where Cersei slapped him. The bruise was still purple and he winced for her touch as if he forgot to even have that bruise. She wanted to back away but he stopped her by kissing her palm and went down to kiss her lips.

•••

“I can’t remember when what I had with Cersei turned sexual.” He confessed after.

He wasn’t sure how much later it was when she shifted and turned her head to kiss his shoulder. He stroked a hand down her side, taking comfort from her nearness, her body draped on his. He kept his eyes closed to prolong the blissful stupor. He didn’t think he’d ever felt quite this content before in all his forty years.

Brienne didn’t stop brushing his hair. She didn’t ask for any elaboration. He was grateful because he didn’t have anything to elaborate on. 

“My father suggested I go to Tarth for the Fall Festival. Do you want to go with me?” They talked about anything and nothing until they fell asleep.

•••

Brienne was still sleeping on his chest when Tyrion called.

“Jaime?” Tyrion sounded surprised more than he was concerned. “Is Brienne beside you? Or is she already out to work?”

“She’s still sleeping. She took a half-day off for me.” Tyrion acknowledged and informed Jaime that he personally requested a session with Marbrand this evening (it was 11:45 am by then) which Jaime thanked him because he really needed to let it out. 

“I’ll come to pick you up and accompany you?”

“Please, Tyrion. _Yes_.” Jaime’s voice went an octave higher that Brienne moved slightly. 

“I’ll pick you up then. Want to eat at Greyjoy's? Special lobster menu?”

He agreed and turned off his phone. And, although reluctantly, he woke up Brienne.

_She's beautiful._ That was the first thought he had when her blue eyes opened to see him. He was startled a little when she smiled, revealing her crooked teeth, it was endearing. And she woke up from his chest. Both naked. From last night of lovemaking.

_Lovemaking?_

“Morning, Jaime.” Even his name sounded sexy coming from her mouth. It sounded _safe_ too, like she would guard his name all their lives. 

“Good morning.” He replied nervously. _Ah, fuck it._ He lowered his head and kissed her on her lips.

Now she was the one who looked nervous, her cheeks were almost the same red when he said he would rather eat her than food. 

“Tyrion called me and he said he booked an appointment for me with Dr. Marbrand.” That she perked a little. She almost sat up but realising both of them were covered under the same sheet, clutched it and then sat up. “That’s good.” 

It was amusing how shy she turned even after this dawn when he was inside her and how they talked after. It was as if she only woke up from a dream and he was still stuck in it, not wanting to wake up.

Jaime closed his eyes. “Brienne, about what we did, do you like it?”

**Brienne**

“I do.” She replied. It was just- “it’s just me. I don’t know how to react- after.”

“You react just fine after we did.”

“The room was dimmed and the darkness helped elevate my awkwardness.” She clarified. How did people do this? How did people who are regular at sleeping around react to ‘after’?

It was something she didn’t expect him to want her so soon. And she was on a pill, so she won't get pregnant soon that’s for sure. And she knows her duties as his wife and the daughter-in-law of a Lannister. It was not like she should be upset about Jaime, of all, not wanting to see her face when fucking. Or even marriage. This was a marriage of convenience; for both of them. Lannister and Tarth will have heirs and Jaime’s ugly rumor with his sister disappeared and Brienne got married. _For hell's sake._

Jaime’s hand went up to touch her face. “What are you thinking, wife?” He sat up too and nuzzled on her neck. It was his usual gesture but heightened as he was shirtless and their skin touched. “Talk to me Brienne, like this dawn, talk to me.”

 _I don’t know what to talk about._ What did they didn’t talk about at this point? 

Brienne could feel his lips and the harshness of his scuff on her skin.

“After your session?” She suggested and let herself free from his hold and went form the bed with the sheet and all. Noticing Jaime naked, she only looked at his face. “I need to go and it’s late. Can we do that Jaime?”

“Alright.” She started to move but he grabbed her arm and then held her face again and this time, he kissed her forehead. “After my session.”

**Jaime**

The purpose of the session was for Addam to see if he was alright. And it was supposed to lure Jaime to talk about what happened that night. But it seemed Jaime would freely talk about Brienne than about his sister. It was _not like_ Addam did not know anything about his messed up relationship. The guy knew in _so many_ details that Jaime would vomit at the sight of his files.

Jaime admitted to Addam that he couldn’t remember what had happened with him and Cersei on that frightful night. And as always, his therapist suggested psychotherapy, but this time he declined. He didn’t need the memories of Cersei near him anymore. And he knew Brienne was there at the end and she was there when he opened his eyes. It was enough for him.

“She took one look at your hand and touched it?” Even Addam was surprised.

“Yeah, I’m surprised too.”

“That’s good, right? Someone looks at you normally?”

“She doesn’t, I think. She just acknowledged that I lost my hand and I have to do things differently but she treats me like a human being.”

Then Jaime talked about the sex this morning. He didn’t feel regretful nor anything, but was it _wrong_ to fuck after what he been through? Addam has an answer for that; “Different people have different coping mechanisms. Maybe you’re the type who wants to take control of your sex life. And it’s not wrong.”

“But, it happened _now_. I didn’t take control for the past years. Why now?” Addam shifted the way his seat and motioned closer to him.

“You’re married. And knowing you belong to someone, by law and oath, your mind also thinks that she belongs to you too. And maybe, in her own way, Brienne is trying to work this marriage too. Maybe letting you touch her, snuggled to her and from what I heard from you and the way she talked to me nights ago, she sounded like a person who is shy and not used to touching. And she _lets_ you touch her. That’s a big step for her as well.” Jaime digested the information calmly. It made sense, in a way.

Then they really talk _about_ sex. “Both consented, yes?” Jaime nodded. 

“Mind if I ask, how did you feel about it? Before, during and after.”

Jaime clutched his hand around his stump. After Brienne's normalcy of the sight of it, Jaime rarely wore it. “It felt like the heat of the moment but she kept asking me if I was okay about it. I feel like she just wanted to make sure because she hadn’t touched each other since our wedding night and she didn’t want me to freak out.”

Addam agreed. “How did it feel then? When she made sure you consented?”

“I feel... I feel _safe_? I feel respected.” 

He had an immense breakdown in the early years when he first made an appointment with Addam. When Addam tried to psychotherapy him, the darkest part of memories emerged of Cersei on top of him. He couldn’t remember how both of them, fourteen, ended up becoming sexual but he did remember that he opened his eyes, crying to Addam and the therapist trying to calm him by _hugging_ him. It was like a spear stabbed his heart. Jaime loved her, devoted his life to her but he admitted even to Brienne, he couldn’t remember his first time with Cersei’s, how this _love_ led to a spiral of an abyss and blind devotion to her.

Knowing the love he thought was beautiful was actually rotten to the core. Knowing how one person Jaime loved used him and threw him when he was not needed.

“And I like doing it with her. Brienne, I mean. She was newer than me but she was so... gentle. And we talked after and I admitted about the first time I had with Cersei and she never asked for more. I felt like she knew that I don’t have anything to elaborate on. I like being with her.” 

Adam nodded and scribbled something on his clipboard. This doctor was the same as any shrink Jaime met but somehow, he stuck with him the longest. 

“Now about the journals. When you saw all the journals of her trying to understand your condition, how did you feel?”

“At first, I felt exposed. I felt like I cheated her to marry me. And then she said she is my wife and she should take care of me and I... I don't know how to feel about it. No one has ever taken care of me after my mom died and I feel like a child.”

And _the sex._.. Dammit, he needed a new hobby.

“And I wanted more from her too. I wanted her to tell me I do a good job and I want her to touch my hair all the time. I want to kiss her all the time.”

“You touched starved.”

“You could say that.” He had told Addam that even he and Cersei did fuck all the time but he was forbidden to lay beside her after. They never had moments where they just did nothing but enjoy each other’s company as he did with Brienne.

“Jaime,” Addam shifted uncomfortably. “Do you ever think that maybe you like her a bit?”

“I do like her that’s why I married her.” He said truthfully.

“ _Not that._ I mean, for all the years I have sessions with you, Brienne is the first woman you mentioned outside of your traumas and she is as I recalled you said; kind, gentle, trustworthy, and you like her companion. You enjoyed your sexual life with her and from what I can tell you are comfortable with her. And you just said that you like her.”

That ran him speechless. “Do you think that maybe you might choose to love her?”

Love? “Choose to?” He titled his head thinking. Addam shrugged. “It’s your calling. You wanted to ‘make this work’ correct? How do you think all those stable, happily married couples, despite arranged, had to make it work? They probably have love too. Of course, love comes in different forms, as the Greeks said. But you understand in your context, right?”

——-----

After his session, Tyrion suggested cooking dinner at his house. They called Brienne on the way and she volunteered to buy the ingredients. They had time so Tyrion dragged Jaime to a bar owned by his longtime friend, Bronn, to have a beer. They talk and Tyrion drank like a fountain while Jaime had glasses of water until he felt bloated. Bronn was an asshole, but an entertaining one. They didn’t realise the time passed by until Tyrion screamed that he wanted to pee. Brienne must have waited.

By the time they arrived, Sandor, the driver suddenly breaks that Tyrion flew to the car's floor. Jaime and Tyrion looked out at the entrance of his penthouse. There was a beautiful woman waiting by the door of the building, unable to get in.

Tyrion puffing his shoulders and opened the door. He was tipsy and ready to be rude. “Fuck off you psycho piece of shit or I call the cops!” he sneered but Cersei pushed him away, which was easy since he was basically drunk, and walked to Jaime, who put his hand inside his coat pocket to control himself.

“Jaime, we need to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk to you.” He walked past her but she grabbed his arm. He would’ve freaked out if Tyrion wasn’t beside him, being the anchor of his mental state.

“We _need_ to talk.”

“No. I want to go home to my wife.” His voice was stable but the fear was deep in his heart. 

“Listen to that, bitch! Let’s go.” Tyrion’s victory voice was childish as he grabbed his hand and pulled him into the building. That still didn’t stop Cersei.

“I can’t believe you turned into a fucking coward Jaime! Hiding behind that fucking cow and this dwarf!”

That made him stopped walking.

His voice was low, professional even. “First of all, _sister,_ you left me after you saw my stump.” He strode to her that she backed up a few steps. Jaime shoved his stump to her face. Cersei’s disgusted reaction was no surprise. “You _raped_ me and you said our first time was amazing that I had to go to psychotherapy to fucking remember it and how disgusting it was. I devoted all my life to you but you treated me like a toy. You cheated on me and hit me and caused my car to fall into the goddamn ravine!

“And I spent three fucking years recovering from you. You abused me, used me.” He didn’t touch her even then. He only looked at her eyes so deep, with so much anger and relief. “You don’t think I don’t know why suddenly you came here? Like you said all those years; that we are mirrors right? You are only here because I belong to someone else. And _I care_ about the person and you can’t take it.”

He could feel Tyrion tighten his grip on his hand. “You don’t have the _right_ to demand anything from me now. Don't have the right to come into _my space_ and into _my home_. You don't have the right to even be in the same room as me and Brienne. Go away before I truly snap and before you are sorry.” He breathed. “And don’t even speak about my wife again. Especially in front of me. She has done more to me in these months of meeting her than you ever did all our lives.” She was surprised. _Oh,_ she was. But she wasn’t embarrassed or regretted it then. Her surprise was for her face because was compromised in front of the sibling she hated; Jaime chose Tyrion over _her_. After decades of being a bridge between them. Her eyes turned to anger and she pursed her lips.

Jaime spoke low that only Tyrion and Sandor could hear him. But his voice was clear and demanding. 

And he felt good.

•••

“Tyrion? I’m sorry but can we not have dinner tonight? I just feel like-” When Jaime pressed the lift button, he finally could breathe properly. He didn't feel like shit like he expected. He just felt like he wanted to surround himself with his wife's warmth while she was reading her book.

Tyrion _beamed_. “Yes! Yes, it’s alright. Fucking hells Jaime. I’ll come tomorrow morning with wine.” Jaime knelt to hug him so tight. Tyrion smelled like summer and wine, and he missed him. And he loved him. “I’m so proud of you, Jaime.”

It was the words that he didn’t expect to want to hear from Tyrion.

—-----

He opened the door to his sight of his wife sleeping on the couch- head tilted back and phone in her hand, waiting. And his groin rattled.

Brienne showered and although she wore nothing revealing, yet the shirt was sheer and Jaime saw her nipples poking through. And that damn shorts- until her knees but her legs were damn _long_ and Jaime longed for it to be around his hips and his head between them.

She abruptly woke up when Jaime took off his coat and threw it on the floor. “Jaime.” She smiled. “Where is Tyrion?”

“He will be come back tomorrow.”

She sat up straighter, confused. “What about dinner?” She asked with that groggy voice.

This was his undoing.

He strode to her fast, he put his knee beside her thigh and arms on the sofa head between her neck, trapping her. “I’ll be honest with you, wife.” He said. “I’m fucking horny.” 

Her mouth slightly parted and she blinked rapidly. He came closer to her face, eye as scanning all over her and pause at her lips. “I can’t pretend I don’t lust for you.” His fingers traced her cheek and she closed her eyes. “I know you want me too.” 

Her eyes shone so brightly to her when she opened them. Her body was shivering and the heat surrounding them was turning heavy. “You know it will be awkward if we start,” She paused, lips quivering. “I could barely look at you after last time, what makes you think it would be easier?”

“I told you, I _want_ us to work. I want us as friends but I also want you as my wife. I want to fuck you and I want you to enjoy every moment of me touching you because I do and this- I just can’t-“ he cupped her face, slowly his body covered her, he ground his erection on her stomach that she quietly trying to swallow her gasp. “I crave you. I’ve been celibate for years and it doesn’t bother me but when I was inside you, I turned insane. I want more of it. I want to taste your cunt. I want you on top of me, under me, on the wall, on the table- _fuck,_ I don’t care. I just want you.” The silence of them ignoring this has been burdensome for him for weeks and he couldn’t take it anymore. “We can discuss the awkwardness later. I’m here and you’re here. Tell me if you’ll have me.” 

He stared boringly into her eyes, it felt like an eternity for her to answer. He was hot and so fucking heavy but he waited for her decision because he desperately wanted this to work. She nodded and whispered ‘Yes’, he felt like his heart exploded as he groaned and kissed her.

 _Fuck, finally_. He missed her plump lips between his. Jaime turned his mouth to a side and sealed their lips tighten, going from chaste to hunger in a second. He went in another direction and she went the other, their tongues chasing instinctively. Dipping, dueling. They kissed and kissed. Brienne’s tongue brushed his over and over again, and it wasn’t enough. 

Her hands had gone to his head, keeping him there as he rose above her, never losing the lock he had on her lips. He was swift that she didn’t realise that he had stood and knelt and spread her legs wide and settled between them. Jaime kissed her like he never wanted to stop, his hand too went to her hair and clutched tight.

**Brienne**

She couldn't think.

As he was raining kissing on her cheeks and jaw, Brienne’s breathing became heavy and her vision blurred. She never felt desired and his confession was shocking. After this morning, she didn’t expect more.

She sighed and leaned back on the sofa as his warm mouth lowered, slowly his hand unbuttoned her shirt and took off her pants, mouth kissing from her collarbones to the valley of her chest and to her navel, wet and hot. She liked it very much. 

“Pretty,” he said when he reached the dark blond hair on her cunt. Taking her knees, he hooked them over his shoulders, opening her to him further. “You smell magnificent.” He said huskily. Then, with a deep groan, his mouth was there; licking and sucking at her slit, making her catch her breath and whimpered as he took his time with her, teasing her pearl and bringing her to her peak. 

“ _Jaime_.” Brienne’s back arched as she brought her hips up to get closer to his wonderful mouth. When she cried out, her fingers tighten on his scalp, he growled and gently sucked her through the aftershocks. Then when she was completely boneless, he straightened up and pulled her to the floor with him in his arms, where he held her tightly against him, now his back pressed on the sofa, his breathing ragged on her ears. 

“Wrap your legs around me, wife.” His thumb brushed against her cheek and he kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose, her mouth. He then took off her shirt and she was completely naked on top of him. “Touch me.” His words broke off.

She was still shaking in the aftermath of him eating her but she managed to pull off his dress shirt smoothly. She then tried to unbuckle his pants but paused from her action when his mouth latched on her nipple, sucking it first and then licking it, while his hand went on to the other and squeezed them, his palm fit perfectly. “Jaime.”

“I can’t get enough of you.” He said and did the same treatment with his mouth with the other nipple. When she finally, _finally_ unhooked his pants and his cock joined out, red and needy, she fastened her movement gently and took his cock in her hand. He gasped and shivered as she stroked his length, eyes focused on his face. 

“Fuck.” He whispered. “Ride me. Please.”

He guided as she held his cock below her cunt and slowly sank down. Both cried out at the sensation. It burst inside her like never before. She was filled and full from his cock inside her that she felt lightheaded; gripped him tightly in the wet, hot heat.  
  
Slowly, she moved and he did too. Then building speed. Their skin became slick with sweat as Jaime lifted his hips to pounce her deep, each movement caused long moans escaping from her lips. They were so close, holding each other, his hand in her hair and his arm held her tightly around her waist. Brienne’s fingers scraped his scalp and his back and their movements became faster and hotter. 

They kissed roughly, and Brienne took lead as she increased the pace.

Jaime fell apart.

**Jaime**

They laid on the floor afterward. Both were still breathing hard. 

Jaime turned to look into her blue eyes. It was like fairy tales that his mom read to him when he was a kid- Brienne was the knight of his dreams seeing, how she somehow saved him and managed to make him forget about the pain and loss and heartbreak of his life when she was near, how his heart leaped when she smiled.

“We should furbish the ‘make it work’ thing. I suggest adding sex to it.”

Brienne playfully slapped his chest a that. “Jaime, I’m hungry.”

“So, you agree?” He grinned at her. She blushed and Jaime kissed her. “I’ll cook dinner.” His nose nuzzled on hers. “I caused the ruckus and came home late. And we have RavenTube to help.”

“Oh, you know your mistakes?” She giggled.

“Hey, give me credit.” She clicked her tongue and stood up. “Come on, Jaime. We will cook together.”

She held out her hand and all he could think of when she was looking down on him, naked and glorious was; 

_I love her._

He mentally slapped himself and took her hand before she realised anything.

Fucking _Doctor_ Adam Marbrand.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I realised how much I kinda get frustrated more when I write smut but when I go and reread my writings, I always read the smut first sdfghjk
> 
> Also, I started to read The Bromance Book Club and I can't stop giggling. Andddd I watched Little Women recently, I hate the fact that Jo March speaks about all my struggles and existence. GOSH.


	7. More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olenna came for a visit. Tyrion headed back to his family. In which Jaime and Brienne decided they want more. And pastas...so many pastas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a Tarth chapter but my brain was like “Cohesion...SIS.” And that was why this chapter was delayed because I’m Jared and I can’t write.

**Brienne**

Jaime has been acting weird. By mean weird, he was needier than she used him to be.

After their coupling on that day when he got back from his therapist, they were _normal_. Jaime dragged her to shower together and he cleaned her back and her hair (they didn’t do anything) and then they went to eat- Jaime decided to learn how to cook the Wagyu beef that she bought for Tyrion (which was super expensive) and they ate. And _talk_ like they usually do.

Honestly, Brienne was thankful for that. She couldn’t take it if they would act all awkward like she was afraid of earlier.

Yet, normal also was yearning. _Wanting_.

After the sex agreement, they kept doing it. Jaime would come home and he would be on her. He would kiss any part of her body that was near to him- her neck, her ear, her collarbone, and even her lips and occasionally her navel and her mound. 

_Especially_ after their agreement, their usual night snuggles were more… raunchier than she ever imagined she would get. Jaime would, like always, snuggled, but he would kiss her goodnight, on her lips. And that was not the weirdest part either. 

Brienne truly felt like she was in that cheesy, crazy smutty novels that you were at some point would scream “TMI! Enough!” because of it being too smutty that is the expected feeling of hot and heavy just turned weird and too much that you couldn’t handle. Especially on the aspect of her feelings.

Their snuggles sometimes turned to spooning if either of them moved. Which was not an issue until she was the little spoon. 

One night, Brienne woke up because Jaime's hand was under her shirt, cupping her breast. She stopped moving so he couldn’t rouse to wakefulness and tried to wiggle herself out. She was blushing very hard and slightly shaking when Jaime’s voice came behind her ear. “Bri, I want you.” He sounded groggy but he thrust his hips to her back, giving her the proof of his need on her rear and her lower spine. She gasped when his hand cupping her breast went down to be between her legs. “Bri, turn around.”

She wasn’t completely turned when Jaime already grabbed her and kissed her senseless. Grabbing her leg to put on top of his and him thrust his hips deeper on her middle, fingers needing to be between her seam and then be inside her, igniting the sudden want that had been burning in her.

They fucked like that; laying staring at each other in their bed, only their pants were off and both breathed heavily on each other's skin. Kissing slowly and the room dimmed.

And they kept on doing it again and again. As weeks went by, she knew what Jaime liked in bed; and she discovered hers too. Jaime liked morning sex; he would wake her up with kisses on her skin and buried his face on her neck so she could feel this burning scratches of his scruff which he found out it was what she liked. His hand would roam everywhere on her while she did the same, making him groan when she grabbed his length.

Gods, she got used to it. This has been happening for three weeks and they seemed like they couldn't stop the need to touch each other.

She loved it.

She couldn’t help but feel so enlightened.

This need worsened now that her feelings slowing sipping in.

Two days before they would be heading to Tarth, Jaime came to the museum where she worked. “Bri, come outside. I’m here.”

She was a bit flabbergasted. “Now? I still have five minutes to lunch.”

“Just come out. I already talked to your boss.”

Brienne went quiet thinking how Jaime even had the connection to talk to Catelyn Stark. She was contemplating while Jaime was still waiting on the other side of the phone when she turned to Margaery and Olenna. The oldest Tyrell decided to come for a visit to the museum and waiting for Brienne since they were near the Knight section.

“I’m sorry, Olenna. Jaime called, and said he wants to meet me.”

“Jaime? The Lannister brat?” 

“Yes. He’s outside.” There was something inside her that wanted to defend him but then she saw Olenna’s smile.

She took her leave and went out from the front door, realising that there was a group of four people flocking near the entrance gates.

Jaime was one of those people.

Wearing an immaculate silver suit, he turned around with a bag of frappuccinos in his hand as he heard her heavy leather Oxford stomping on the road. Brienne recognised Pia and Peck behind him and even Sandor. Each of them held some sort of coffee and bags in their hands and around their wrists.

“Hey.”

Brienne didn't know what to say but she came closer. He had never met her at work, the last time was before their wedding. Jaime had that smile; charming and bright, not the sneering and the secretive one she saw when he woke up after his breakdown. He seemed much more alive and happy.

“What are you doing here?” Her voice came out a little bit defensive. His smile wavered for a second, but then he smiled brightly again as she stopped in front of him. Brienne knew she was blushing like crazy, worse since it was cold outside. “I brought lunch.” He pulled up the bag in his hand and announced it. 

“That’s a lot of?” She eyed the bags in Sandor’s hands. “Pasta?”

“Lunch?” He pushed a drink to her.

She took the coffee from his hand. “Your favourite. Black coffee. No sugar.”

“Thanks.” That came out as a mumble. 

Brienne moved to Sandor to help him with the food. She then turned back to Jaime. “That’s a lot of pasta.” When she saw another bag in Pia’s hands.

“Do you have any place for us to settle Mrs. Lannister?” That came from Peck, who was already sweating in his thick jumper.

Brienne was confused for a second and then it hit her. _Crap._ She was grateful that she didn’t speak before her mind set this time.

“You guys want to eat here?” _Too?_ She did think that the food was too much for the workers in the museum.

“Yes,” Pia seemed excited. “Mr. Lannister suggested to surprise you.” Clearly she was surprised. “It’s it nice?” 

She turned to Jaime, who was staring at her expecting. His cheeks were red because he stood in the cold too long. 

Of course, it was nice. But her stupid reading-too-much-romance-novels heart told her it was also _romantic_.

She nodded, hoping her blushes would disappear right now. “There’s an open garden in the middle of the building, near the Great Kings area where I’m curating.”

“Great!” Jaime said and he lent his hand to her. “Let’s eat I’m starving.” 

She took it.

**-————**

She couldn’t help but feel like she wanted more than this, and it felt like she was drowning. 

She was supposed to feel enough. She was supposed to feel grateful for their arrangement. Not wanting more. 

After Jaime stumbled upon Olenna, who saw the scene, he kept on grumbling like a child, which was amusing to Brienne.

Once all of them settled by the wooden tables on the garden to eat- Jaime’s assistants and Sandor sat with Samwell; Margaery, Podrick and Olenna on another one, and Jaime and Brienne by the other-, even before sitting down, Olenna already interfered with Jaime’s need to eat.

She kept on calling for him; “Boy! Fetch me water for the pantry. I want a new one. Freezing cold.”

“Podrick is nearest to you.” Podrick almost choked hearing his name while eating like a pig. His voice was louder since his and Brienne’s table was the farthest, which has a big leaf of a plant as a roof. “And, I don’t work here. I don’t know where the pantry is.”

“Use the map.” Olenna insisted. “I need water. I don’t drink coffee. Now.”

“Olenna,” Brienne stood up. “Maybe I-“

“I want that boy to do it.” She stabbed the spaghetti she chose from the variety Jaime bought. “This pasta is too stale. And _I_ had to share. I should’ve chosen the pistachio.” She commented and glared at their direction because that particular pasta was Jaime’s.

Brienne expected Jaime to argue again but he stood up loudly and stomped his way out from the garden. “Podrick?” He lifted his eyebrow. The youngest curator stood up too and led the way. 

When the two left, Brienne saw Margaery, Pia and Peck chuckled. Even Sandor lifted a smile. She couldn’t help but smile also and took her knife to cut his pasta.

Jaime and Podrick came back with a handful of water bottles and two yogurts that he gracefully placed for Olenna. “In case you would ask me to go again because you have indigestion.” And the other one for Brienne without saying anything. 

He heaved as he sat down. “That old woman is always trying to make my life miserable.” He grumbled as he was readied to dug his food. He stopped at first when he saw what happened to his pasta.

“I- I cut them to shorter pieces because it's easier for you to eat,” Brienne explained. She knew that he had mastered his left hand but making any task easier didn’t hurt.

He smiled at her and said his thanks and they continued eating.

For the first few minutes, all she could hear was chattering from other tables while they both ate quietly. Jaime was eating vigorously even.

“Are you that hungry?”

He swallowed before he spoke. “Very. I was late to the office and I had to attend an immediate meeting with my father. I have more after lunch. I didn’t get the chance to even sip my coffee until now.”

She didn’t pester him more. She too, almost late to work that morning.

This morning, she woke up first and smiled and gave him their usual good mornings, and he just _looked_ at her. Like she was a puzzle for him to solve. Brienne thought she had done something to offend him but before she could ask, Jaime wrapped his arms around her and kissed her so furiously and her brain took a while to process. This morning, their coupling was slow and they touched each other softly until the last alarm on her phone buzzing and realizing she was late.

Brienne quietly ate her food until Jaime spoke; “How’s packing for Saturday?” 

She smiled. “Almost done.” They both were going to Tarth for the Fall Festival. Brienne has missed Tarth more as the time neared.

“You haven’t been home for a while?” He asked when he saw how her face beamed at the mentioned of the island. She was thankful that he wanted to go too, but she didn’t tell him that. The idea of showing the island to someone she cared about was new and exciting.

“A year. I haven’t settled there since I went to college here in KL.” It was like that, they went normal again.

——————-

“I’ll see you tonight. I still haven’t packed anything.” He said, “Should I buy something for your dad? Scotch? Wine? Nice scarf?”

“He's already glad you’ll come. He had already requested one big lamb for you to eat.”

He shuddered at that. Brienne was aware he eats a little than a man his age should.

“See you tonight.” She waved at him as he descended to the car, which he was the last one to get in.

Before she could turn, Jaime came back to her, almost as if he was skipping. “I forgot to say goodbye to you.” His eyes dilated and he finally said; “See you.” And he went forward to kiss her lips.

It happened so fast that she couldn’t move until Jaime grinned as he descending back to his car back and they drove off. 

Then. She could breathe again.

It didn’t take long when a strong pat on her back threw the air out of her lungs again. “Oh, look who's lovesick.” Margaery cupped Brienne's face and squished her. She grinned like an evil witch. It was almost comical because she needed to tiptoe.

“I’m not.” She grumbled and got herself free. “Jaime is very... needy.”

“He’s very needy indeed.” Interrupted Olenna who came to them with hands on her back. “The way you two spending time in your cocoon of romance during lunch break made me sick to my stomach that I requested Podrick for chamomile tea and you don’t have stock!”

“Grandma, we barely have a working water dispenser. What do you expect?”

“Sheesh.” Olenna chided. “I’m not going to talk about your pantry. But Brienne does Jaime-“

“Can we don’t...talk about my marriage?” Brienne politely suggested and took two steps back, trying anything to make sure the Tyrells didn’t realising that she was blushing again. 

“Why not? And all I’m asking, as woman to woman, as an _old_ woman who was too in an arranged marriage, does he treat you right?”

“He’s alright. He’s kind to me.”

“You mean in bed?” She blushed so hard that Margaery picked it up and tried to hide her giggle behind Olenna. 

“Y-yes and everyday life.”

“That’s good. It’s alright for you to start to love him.”

“But I _don’t_. Love him.” 

“If you don’t now, you will later. Or _he_ will. Despite the arrangement, if the two of you could make it work, outside and inside the bed, you’re one of the lucky ones.” Olenna said and gestured to the two ladies to walk back to the museum. “It’s like me and my late husband. Now I have so many sons and grandchildren enough to make me go crazy!” The old woman smiled at her.

Brienne couldn’t help but assess her thoughts. She and Jaime just liked each other enough to tolerate one’s presence. And love... was risky and she never had the experience in a relationship. And her appearance wasn’t great either. She knew deep down, she would never know what romantic love felt like. Jaime was an open opportunity for companionship. She shouldn’t have asked more.

Gods, but she wanted to.

The people around her meant well, but the real part in her mind knew if she even started to love Jaime, despite denying- which she did already- they would end up hurting this unlikely companionship they built. 

If not because of this marriage, Jaime wouldn’t bat an eye at her, let alone talk to her. Their relationship was a matter of circumstances and desperation on each side. 

Although they both had been very civilized and willing to communicate, there was so much more they needed to learn about each other. It was almost two months of their marriage, Brienne didn’t have enough courage to tell him about her past, about why she never trusted anyone unless it was her father. Of how desperately she wanted to trust Jaime, to out her insecurities and expected him to hug and kiss her at the end.

Brienne wasn’t stupid to not realising it either. In these two months, they never go out in public. Even today, as Jaime came to her and ate with her and kissed her, they were surrounded by people who knew their situation. And him from one of the most influential families in KL and hers in Stormlands, the people had their opinions of them. Most of it on him being way out of her league and the unfairness of her privilege to even get him.

What made Jaime any different than Renly, Ron and other men that she liked and was broken by it?

If Jaime was the one who confessed despite it being a long shot, she knew she would cower. Because she was far too insecure.

She hated the fact she grew out without a speck intimacy, need-ness, sexual experiences from the other gender. Because now, as she felt it with Jaime, she craved for more.

It was weird for her to feel like she needed more from Jaime too. She was aware that her husband was a giver. Despite not talking about sex, Brienne knew that Jaime didn’t want her to make feel this indifference in their relationship. Besides, he promised her that they would not be awkward after. 

But Jaime, being a giver, was also kept on giving. And she didn't know how to... _accept_ it and digest it as an adult would. How to not letting her feelings get in the way of reality.

“Brienne, come quickly. I’ve been waiting enough for you to curate me in your department.” Brienne has stopped walking until Olenna’s voice woke her up. She managed to smile and went back in with the Tyrells.

She needed to stop wanting. 

  
  


**Jaime**

It was his second lunch for today and he didn’t care.

“How’s it coming, Jaime?”

Jaime dropped the spoon into his coffee after subconsciously mixing the drink. He looked up to his brother. 

“What?”

It was only the last hour that he saw his wife’s face, and Jaime agreed to meet Tyrion before his little brother was to head back to Essos. They went to this fancy, millennial cafe that has an empty carbonara that costed about 50 dragons. Jaime was full, so he ordered coffee. It was his second for the day.

Tyrion cut his salmon and chewed loudly to annoy him. “You’re packing to Tarth of course. What the hell is up with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You walked like you were skipping, and you have this grin on your face and you _whistled_ when we heading here. And you’re daydreaming.”

“I’m fine,” He lied. “I met Bri for lunch and Olenna was there. Being horrible to me in front of her.” Tyrion could always see right through him, and Jaime was already in a confusing position already without his brother’s sarcasm. Something significant had happened between him and Brienne that night in their living room. Yes, about their agreement of having sex, and but there are other _things_ that had been different between them ever since. It was not a loud change, although they didn’t speak about it, they both seemed to agree that the sexual activities were part of the marriage they had to, sooner or later, compromised. And he was horny for two weeks of not touching her and she misunderstood his need to touch. Thank the Seven, they talked that one out.

However, Addam had planted the seed in his mind about his feelings for Brienne. It felt like he had come closer and closer to crossing the final bridge. But was at the end?

And Saturday morning they would go to Tarth to visit and Jaime would experience her place and get to know her deeper. And he was _eager_ for it. One reason because he heard Tarth was beautiful and he _Roogled_ it and the sea surrounded it was as blue as her eyes. Second, they both would be officially out as a couple for the first time since their wedding. And he liked that he has a wife and it was Brienne.

Tyrion suddenly laughed at him. Not a ha-ha laugh, but a ‘Holy fuck!’ cackle, as if he had suddenly figured out the punch line to a joke he heard hours ago. “Holy shit,” Tyrion said with a snort.

Jaime took a sip at his coffee. “What?”

“I can’t believe it. I missed the signs, but holy shit.” Tyrion laughed again.

“Are you going to let me in on this little epiphany?”

“Yep,” Tyrion said and grinned, crossing his arms. “You’re in love.”

A hot feeling rose up in him. “No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. You are- _no_ , don’t look at me like that- I know the look, I have one for Tysha too. I know you both started to get sexual—” He said that last one with a horrible drunk voice. “You can’t hide it for me and _bad_ at it-I saw a hickey on her neck the day I went to visit and you were constantly trying to touch her. I wish you good luck to Tarth, I bet you both will find a hard time trying to fuck while her dad is there.”

“Fuck off Tyrion,” He slapped his empty mug on the saucer. 

Tyrion did a little dance while he chewed. “You’re besotted. _Scandalised_. Head over heels. Heart pierced by Cupid’s arrow. Stupid over one woman. Horny.” 

At least there were two that were true. “Fine, I am besotted and I _am_ horny. But why wouldn’t I be? She is gentle. And have you seen my wife? It’s like living with an Amazon warrior. The strong ones, powerful ones.”

Tyrion crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow “Yes, your wife has a very nice athletic body. No need for the analogy.”

“Nice? Nice? She was a star athlete in Fencing in her middle school. She took swimming and judo in college, and have you seen abs on women?” Jaime ran his hand up and down on his pathetic but lean stomach.

“Uh—”

“I had abs once and you know how hard it is to maintain them? And then her pretty eyes and her long legs! And oh my Gods, Tyrion, do you know what she did this morning as I was waking up? She played with my _hair_!!! You know what I’m talking about, right? The soft smiles and the light touches on your scalp? I felt like heat rushing through me like lightning. She’s trying to kill me!”

Tyrion’s cackled sounded like a rooster. Thankfully that the restaurant was almost empty as the lunch hour ticking away. 

“So tell her already! You're married and it's normal to be besotted with your wife. Tell her that you’re so needy of her that you want her around you all the time.”

That made him looked down at his empty cup “I can’t. She will freak out.”

“You haven’t tried Jaime. I thought you communicate well with your wife? Thought you striving for this marriage-“

“I do, but, is it too soon?”

“Is it? Too soon doesn’t suit when you’re already tied the knot and promised your crazy capitalist father to give him an heir within a year, Jaime.”

Jaime's only reply was to play with his empty cup, making the ceramic sound by turning the cup left and right. 

“Yeah, don’t answer me, brother. You were still skipping like Goldilocks with your stupid blond head when we were heading here. _Blushing_. For the longest time I have known you, this is the first time I had seen you blushing!”

That made Jaime pressed his palm on his cheek. “I’m not blushing.” he chided. “It’s cold.”

Tyrion was still laughing when he continued to cut his salmon. 

**—————**

Jaime hugged his brother until he couldn’t breathe. “Holy Mother! I'll be back sooner than you hope.”

“Promise me you’ll do. And please post my nephew's pictures.”

“Yes, yes. Gods, Jaime I can’t breathe.” He let go of Tyrion but still kneeling. Jaime looked at him carefully for one last time, trying to remember every wrinkle and laughter lines on his face. Jaime could feel his tears started to build. Tyrion too.

He took Tyrion’s small but thick hands framed his face. “Take care of yourself, Jaime. And your wife. She’s a keeper. And promise me something, Jaime.”

“I’ll do anything I can for you.”

His thumbs delicately brushing Jaime’s cheeks. “Don’t be afraid of your love. You always have the heart in the family. Be loud and bold because your heart is that type. You can’t hide your want for love.”

Jaime swallowed his saliva, digesting his word while the very heart Tyrion mentioned trying not to bleed with his brother leaving him again. He knew what he had to do, but he wasn’t sure Brienne would.

In the end, Jaime only could nod. “Promise me that you will come back and visit me and Brienne.”

Tyrion’s curly hair bounced as he nodded. “I will. Promise you as much as our family shit gold every year. And I’m sorry that we grew up the way we did.”

“Me too. But, I’m not sorry about having you as my brother. I love you, Tyrion.”

Tyrion had to tiptoed for him to kiss Jaime’s forehead. “I love you too, Jaime.” before he left.

  
  
**Brienne**

Tywin didn’t let go of Jaime until it was very late at night. 

By that time Jaime got back, he immediately went to shower, and Brienne was already 20 minutes in on her new book about the history of the Targaryen family; which was recently on sale in the nearest bookstores. Written by author and fashion critic Daenerys Targaryen, the book was about her ancestors and how they conquered Westeros. It was on top of the Kings Landing’s best selling list for two weeks by the time she bought it.

Jaime probably knew about the book too since he scoffed and muttered “Screw Aerys and his predator arse.” he went onto their bed and placed his head on Brienne’s lap for her to play with his hair so he could sleep better.

Brienne focused on her reading still even after she asked Jaime about Tyrion.

“He promised to come to visit sooner and he said I should take care of you better.” She grinned at that. “You do take care of me.”

“And is you of me.” She continued reading until her hand in his hair was now on his lips. Jaime kissed her fingers. “You have really pretty hands. My mother’s rings look beautiful on you.” His kisses turned more erotic when he licked her ring finger. Then sucking it. 

Brienne had to stop reading. 

“The men in my family don't wear their wedding rings, and they never bothered to buy one.” He stated. “I want one for me.”

“Jaime, you don’t have to.”

“I want to.” He sat up. With her hand still in his, Jaime placed her palm on his chest, near his heart. “Tyrion said that I shouldn’t be afraid of what I feel. What I feel towards you. I know it's barely two months but I want us to move forward, trying at least, to stop pretending.”

Brienne could feel her fear slowly build inside her. She looked at him for a long moment, thinking that this was not real, denying. They needed to have this conversation. She was glad he brought this up.

“Jaime, when I married you, spending time with you, you treat me with respect, this was all and more that I could hope for. I was taught that I couldn’t ask for more from my husband, especially with my nonexistent beauty and the fact I’m a disappointed heir. I’m so used to being rejected and-“ She looked at him so deeply, she was so used to this that she couldn’t shed any tears. “Jaime, I have never had a relationship before and I’m scared.”

Yet, it was hard to deny her feelings where people around her noticed. Even encouraged her to go for it. Her wants and Jaime was here, telling her that they could work more than arrangement, more than just lust and more to their duty to their families.

To want something for so long and finally got it, was _horrifying_ more than it was accelerating.

Jaime just nodded. “I’m afraid too, Bri.” Those defiant eyes Brienne couldn’t stop looking at whenever she had the chance bored into hers. She had no idea how this was going to go, yet her breathing was cut short when he spoke next.

“You like me,” Jaime said like it was a statement, and she wanted to blush, but she arched an eyebrow instead. “That’s the reason why I married you, Jaime. Because I like you enough.”

“Not, enough. You _like_ me.” He pushed forward despite that. “You probably won’t want to admit this out loud, but you like me. I know it, so don’t lie to me, and I _like_ you. The way we are comfortable around each other, the way our bodies are compatible during sex, the way you cared for me. So, Brienne Lannister, you asked me to go to Tarth with you for this very family-centric festival, to see your childhood memory, to be with Sewlyn, ultimately your life, but we’re still pretending, and I want us to stop doing that, okay?”

Brienne couldn’t think straight. “My father asked me to invite you to Tarth.”

“But you were so happy when I say yes. You _hoped_.”

She stammered. This was the weirdest thing they had ever discussed but it felt so normal. “Why do you think that I like you. Like that?”

He gave her his famous grin, yet it was a genuine one, full of earnest. “You have to. The morning before my therapy. This morning, it wasn’t fucking. This afternoon. I couldn’t stop thinking about our kiss. And-“ He shook his head. “Even if it weren’t all that, it’s the things you do. The dinner yesterday, messaged you did on my stump whenever I feel sore, the way you took care of me when I had my breakdown and the way you wanted to learn about my condition. You like to cut my food so I could eat easily. You must have started liking me at some point during the last two months. I’m not stupid, and I like you too and I want to be with you more and more with each passing day.”

Why did it felt like she was a detective who found a criminal and relentlessly investigated him?

“No, you’re not stupid. You like me then?”

“Yes. So…I want to stop pretending and start…something _real_. More than just what we have now.”

“Are you certain?” Maybe Tyrion influenced him like Olenna and basically everyone around her did. 

“Brienne,” He sounded absolute as he gripped her hand tighter on his chest. “I learned to assess my feelings for years and I’m certain about this. I promised you if you give me your heart, I’ll take care of it. I thought I was done with the possibility of love. But then you came. I want to choose to love you if you’ll have me.”

As lame and insecure it was, she desperately wanted to say yes. She wanted the right to claim him. She wanted the casual feeling of her announcing him as her husband. Yet.

“After Tarth.” She said.

“I-what?”

Brienne smiled at him and pushed his hair back from his forehead. “Okay. But after Tarth. I want to choose to learn to love you after our trip.” Hesitantly, he returned her smiled, Brienne’s heart was soaring.

“Reasonable. Realistic. I’ll have all the time to plan our dates.”

She agreed. “We both did agree and said so many times we wanted this to work. We could try and see if there is something there. I’m being bold and saying I feel like there _is_ something there. I thought you’d put up a big fight and deny liking me.”

“Why would I?”

“Jaime,” She sighed. Her hand gestured at her entire form. “I was considered a sprinter in these modern times until I met you. I don't have the type of appearance that anyone preferred to be their girlfriend nor crush. Let alone be the wife. I bet you, you wouldn’t take a second glance at me if we weren’t engaged in the first place.”

“I would, because I wouldn't take my eyes off someone this tall and blond.” He insisted. “And, thanks to the Seven we did engage because now I couldn’t stop wanting you.” He came closer and pressed his forehead on hers. It was as if he finally breathed deeply and at peace. She breathed the same way too.

Her fear and thoughts about this was almost lacking the impact she was expected. This moment felt like she was in the meadows of Tarth; enough.

Jaime opened his eyes and grinned. “So... should we kiss to seal the deal?”

“Fool.” Brienne smiled but she didn’t protest. 

They kissed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DNF-Ed a lot of books. And basically just waiting for interviews for job. I’m very sad person at this point.


	8. Tarth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne went to Tarth for the Fall Festival. Sewlyn is uber proud of the island's delicacies. Brienne learned to open up more. Jaime realised his feelings for his wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I remember I made Jaime a former photographer.

**Brienne**

They gaze at the small dot in front of them after Jaime woke up from his nap. The afternoon air of fall was delightful when they were at sea, and Brienne hasn’t stepped on Tarth for almost a year.

Today was officially the Fall Festival on the island. It happened during the late evening of the month on the 15th and both of them decided to go back to on the day itself since Brienne couldn’t take a day off and Jaime was pressured by Tywin to sign a deal with a man named Bolton before he left, which she spent a week seeing him grumbling on the phone, trying to suggest his father for better partner. Tywin didn't care.

Jaime grunted beside her that she turned and chuckled. The wind was strong that his hair flew all over his face. “You should cut it.” Brienne pushed his hair back and stilled her hand. “Isn’t it inappropriate for corporate?” His hair was growing until it reached his eyes and the sides were almost longer than his lobes. Jaime just smiled. Brienne looked at him longer, didn’t know what she expected from him but not on what his face told at the moment. He grew his stubble and it made him look very soft, surrounded by the Tarth sea.

It was really annoying that he was still so handsome and pretty.

Yesterday when they were packing, Jaime was looking forward to Tarth _more_ than her. It was only a two days visit since both of them needed to be back to work on Monday. But he was still insisting on bringing more than one set of clothes and swimsuits. “You told me that there’s a lagoon inside a cave. I’m very excited about that. And, I know it's impossible, but maybe we would stay longer. Who knows,” 

“I can’t skip. I promised my boss.”

“Well, a Lannister name would come in handy when we needed.” He gave her that stupid grin that she would shut up and ignored him. Jaime even reminded her to bring the matching pajamas that aunt Genna gave them as a wedding gift. They tucked cozily in their luggage, which Brienne strictly said, “One luggage. It’s big and we can share.”

The dot became an island as the ferry neared, Jaime’s smiles went wider. Still pushing his hair back, Brienne just started back and forth at the island and her husband, who was now taking pictures with a camera. 

Brienne forgot that he was a decent photographer before he was the CEO of the Lannister Corp. He was freer in this type of environment, in which nature shone him more that he looked like a God with his long blond hair and piercing eyes.

“Ah, that my father in law!” Jaime announced and snapped a few pictures. 

Brienne lost her focus from him to the big man standing on the dock, waving. She almost felt like she wanted to jump into the sea and swim to reach her father. She could hear the camera flashing but she went instantly to the port when the ferry docked and leaped to Sewlyn.

“I missed you too.” Sewlyn laughed. “And my back hurts!” That got Brienne back to her feet and she laughed. 

Jaime came later dragging their luggage, still smiling wildly as his eyes roaming on the sky and the hills of the island. He really looked like a tourist. Brienne wanted to laugh at his joy being here; he was like a child in a theme park.

“Ah, Jaime.”

“Sewlyn.” Jaime nodded at him curtly but Sewlyn opened his arms and gave Jaime a big bear hug that froze him. Brienne immediately got worried witnessing it but she didn't move and smiled instead when she saw Jaime leaned into the hug. 

“Second time,” Sewlyn said, indicated the amount of time he saw Jaime, first at their wedding. “And you take care of my daughter well, I see. She never weights that much.” Brienne stabbed Sewlyn’s side with her elbow.

”We did a lot of cooking and eating. So that’s probably the reason.” Jaime replied friendly. “This is beautiful.” He added eyes scanning everywhere. 

“Well, you’re looking at Tarth.” There was pride in Sewlyn’s voice. “I bet you will not want to leave after today.”

”We will see. But I don’t mind spending my life here with my kids.”

”Kids?!” Sewlyn turned to her. “Oh, no dad-

“No, no Selwyn. It’s just a figure of speech.” Jaime was blushing which made her blushing. He needed to learn to not blurt out things that made people freak out.

Sewlyn was in a good mood that he only laughed at the couple’s fast response. “You two acted like teenagers.” He said and took the luggage from Jaime’s hand. “I wonder my grandchildren would be like with two of you as parents. Both with blushes and all. C’mon the food is waiting!”

Brienne’s glared at Jaime that he was genuinely tense. “What?”

”Fool.”

Which made him laughed and the cupped her face to kiss her cheek. Jaime raced her to the truck which her dad already started the engine.

She noticed that she heard clicking near them when he kissed her. 

**Jaime**

If Tyrion was a festival, it would be this. Jaime thought when Sewlyn ushered them into the row of booths and announced them to the group of people; who was drinking, feasting, and smiling way too much, especially when they arrived. They said their hellos and continued what they were doing as the three of them passed by. 

They went straight to the festival form the port, which was on top of a field that they could stare at the sea. It was already late in the afternoon when they arrived and they had a few hours left to enjoy the pumpkin spice pie with squid, wildflower teas, ‘the best seafood in Westeros with extra creamy chowder’ that Sewlyn bossed about in the car.

Sewlyn already walked his way farther, letting them get familiar with their surroundings and the atmosphere together. Jaime was tired but looking forward to this. He has time in the office one day and did his research on Tarth.

The Fall Festival in Tarth was just a festival celebrating the harvest and during this time, the fishing business usually booming as fishes migrated to the island. It was a festival to thank the Sevens for good food and togetherness that was made official by Queen Evenstar almost 500 years ago, Brienne’s ancestor. Her ancestor was also named Brienne and according to history via RavenNet, the Evenstar Queen had an unconfirmed association with a Lannister. When Jaime found that out, he wanted to ask Tyrion or Tywin, but he might seem ridiculous since he also found out that Queen Evenstar was a knight and she sounded very cool.

The evening air was a lot colder here than King’s Landing despite. Jaime could still feel the wind kissing his face and twirling his hair. Despite this, for the first time in his life, the crowd of people in front of him grounded him and he felt homey.

However, Brienne was rigid beside him. “You okay?” He looked back to his tall, proud yet shy wife. She was tense and almost like a mannequin wearing a thick scarf and a coat so he couldn’t sense her breathing. Their hands were still clutched onto each other. Jaime squeezed hers.

“Bri.” He moved in front of her. Then he heard it. Clicks.

_Are you fucking kidding me?_

This was the first time they were seen together in public. Jaime wasn't nervous, also maybe because he grew up in the spotlight his entire life and he would gladly tell the entire world that he married this woman beside him; who was kind and strong and gentle. Still, he understood how Brienne felt like. He had read articles about their marriage and following their ‘private outcome’ or as the gossip sites claimed; _‘Maintaining pure blood out of desperation’_. Even though their wedding was private, the paparazzi still managed to get pictures with them in their wedding attire. Followed by the first day they went back to work after their wedding; which the comment section had made their assumptions.

He read how the gossip writers described them. How they describe _him_ : The most well-sought bachelor finally shelf off in his forties. And how _young_ his wife was. And how lucky _she_ settled down; with Lannister money and be with Jaime. He read how the world perceived Brienne. How awful and cruel the world was to her. It was a downright miracle she came out still so kind-hearted.

He made sure to let the news world not fuck with him or said bad things about Brienne the moment when Pia showed him the top comment on a wedding about Brienne’s wedding dress how the commentator said she looked like a swamp monster.

He stared at Brienne who was still nervous standing around these people, and how the clicking sound of cameras made Jaime’s blood boil.

“Brienne.” When the only reply she gave was her head turn to him and her eyes focusing into his. Jaime pulled her by the nape and kissed her softly.

She finally responded when Jaime deepened their kiss. There was a whistle from someone passing by and Brienne’s hand went to his chest and tried to push him but he relented. Their kisses were soft despite deep. Jaime licked her lower lip and she opened her mouth slightly and he tasted her. A sighed from her made him shiver.

“Someone’s must leaked about us coming here.” He mumbled after they broke their kiss and thought of who. Their faces were still closed together and Jaime still gripped her nape. His nose bumped on her cheekbone as he spoke near her lips.

On Brienne’s side, it seemed impossible, but on his..., he got his answer instantly by imagining his face. “Tywin.”

She blinked. “Wh- why would your father?”

  
“Publicity. ‘Jaime and Brienne: the ‘It _’_ couple’. Being in corporate and having a good marriage is admirable. It’s like in politics.”

It seemed she was blushing already. He knew what was inside her head at the moment and he didn’t like it.

She started to cower again and he wouldn’t let her. “If you think I’m ashamed of you, I’m not. Alright? I told you. I like you. So stop trying to push me away.” His lips ghosted on hers.

“I would tell the whole world that my wife is kind and gentle and extraordinary.” He didn’t wait for her reply and held her hand again and started to pull her to the farthest booth when he saw Sewlyn drinking his beer and clapped on someone’s shoulder.

“Any suggestions on which to go first or we just gonna follow your dad?”

She was still dazed apparently but she managed to reply: “We should try the wildflower tea.” And that was enough for him to feel giddier and forgot about the clicking noises.

\--------

They went home after drinking many cups of weird teas and sheep milk. Jaime was surprised he enjoyed the weird pie that has squid in it. 

Both Jaime and Brienne were full but Sewlyn still insisted on cooking the dinner. “Special for today. Steak with fish sauce,” he said that made Jaime turn to Brienne for more information but she just shrugged. And no one could refuse red meat during this cold season.

The Evenstar (the house) was placed in the highest land on the island. Instead of it being a mansion or has so many statues at the parking lot like The Lannisters’ mansions in both KL and Casterly, the Tarth’s house was like it came out in old western folklore that Tyrion used to read to Jaime. It was built with wood and it still stood strong. And it was homey. 

As they went inside, it was nearly 6 PM. Sewlyn told them that he prepared a guest room for Jaime. Brienne stood tall and very confused about it while Jaime quickly rejected it. “I wanted to sleep with her. I- I mean, in the same room.”

“Not afraid of this big old man, eh?” Brienne started to move away from the two men, maybe was embarrassed by the scene. Maybe this was what she missed as a teen. When dads get super overprotective of the daughter when he finds out they have boyfriends. For him too, maybe the fear he should feel when he was younger being a guy, going to prom, facing his girl’s protective father. Instead, he was blinded, never even went to prom, wasted his youth to one woman who destroyed him and left by a brother who was tired of his stupidity.

Yet, at least now, he has his girl.

“I sleep better when she is beside me,” he said truthfully as his head followed Brienne who was walking into the kitchen. Sewlyn chuckled. “Her bed is too small, you sure?”

He heard the back door open and closed. “Yes.” 

Sewlyn grabbed Jaime’s shoulder squeezed. A friendly warning. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” He said definitely. Sewlyn looked at him with warmth. It surprised him, even Tywin never looked at him like that. 

“Well, come here.” Sewlyn dragged Jaime and volunteered to carry their one luggage. “But Bri-”

“Later,” the old man said, looking at the kitchen. “Give her time. Come upstairs with me. One luggage?”

He looked at the kitchen again and obliged. “Brienne said I can’t bring more than two bags.”

Sewlyn smiled as he ascended to the stairs. “That’s my little girl to you. Always so pragmatic.”

Jaime followed.

\-----------

Jaime went downstairs when he saw Brienne outside by her bedroom window. Sewlyn had cleaned her room and it did look like a teen lived there. The walls were painted sea blue and the bed was steel but recklessly painted white (probably by Brienne herself). It wouldn't fit both of them unless they snuggle. Jaime had no problem with that.

Her Sabre sword hung above the bed like an heirloom. “Cool, isn’t?” Sewlyn said when he saw Jaime gaping at the sword. He remembered her in an amour during the show and tell when he first visited the museum.

”She must’ve looked good in a uniform.”  
  
”Hey, that’s my daughter you talked about.” Jaime turned to his father-in-law. “Sorry. I couldn’t help to be amazed by her sometimes.”

“That’s good to hear.” Sewlyn patted his back. “Look at the window,” he said. Jaime saw Brienne sitting on a meadow at the backyard of the house.

”Everytime she comes home, she will first go there and sit for maybe a minute or an hour.”

“Can I go to her?” 

“I would like you to.”

She was still there by the time Sewlyn gave him permission to went outside. Jaime couldn’t help but take her pictures as he approached.

His wife was a calming view. 

Something about Brienne was softer on the Isle. Jaime couldn’t explain if he was forced too. Maybe it was the way the air tousled her hair and the bright sunlight diffused her paleness, making her look ethereal, or maybe the daisies and wildflowers surrounding her made her look like an old painting. 

She was beautiful.

“May I?” When she nodded, he took his place beside her. It was windier when your center of gravity lowered.

They both in their own world for maybe seconds or minutes or an hour, looking beyond the blue sea and the trees until Brienne spoke. “I used to play here with Galladon.” 

Jaime took her hand in his and brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles. “He was always the brave one and supposed to grow old and be the heir of Tarth. He was so young.”

Galladon died when Brienne was ten, he 13. He drowned when he decided to take a swim during high current on that frightful summer. Brienne had no family left except her father. Her mother died when she was five due to she was giving birth to Brienne’s twin sisters, who both died after her. When Jaime read that information given by Tywin before their marriage, he couldn’t help but understand the emptiness. Joanna died when he was eight when she gave birth to Tyrion. Leaving him his family's hatred for his little brother and lost the only true love that the famed family had.

“My mother died when I was eight. And she left me in her love for Tyrion and the coldness from Tywin.” Her hand in his held him tight. 

He looked at their hands intertwined. Their rings shone helped by the sun around their fingers. Jaime bought his yesterday, better than asking Tywin if they ever had one for the men’s. Jaime could only manage to find a golden muted gold; the simplest design so he could match his mother’s golden ring with a big emerald diamond as the statement around Brienne’s finger. Her pale and big hands made the diamond muted from its original need for the glamour, and her long fingers brought out the golden shine that the ring had. The ring was beautiful on her like it was meant to be hers.

“Brienne, you are _my_ family.” He put her hand on his chest, like two nights ago. “I will take care of you,” he said. “I will make you happy-”

  
  


**Brienne**

“Jaime, I don’t need you to always make me happy.” He put her hand on his chest, like two nights ago, almost like a habit when he was about to say something deep within him.

He looked so _soft_.

“I’m just glad I met you and married you. You made my day feel like it's Spring. Even the flowers here are still blooming!” She motioned her hand on the flowers around them. “And I’m sorry about that at the festival. I freaked out.”

“I understand.”

“I had a rough time growing up like this.” She started.

“Can you trust me enough to tell you who hurt you?”

“I do trust you.” She sighed. She brought her forehead to his. “I just... before you. I was engaged three times.” That made his hand go up to the side of her face. “Who were them?” She looked into his eyes. It was surprising that she could see a hint of jealousy in them.

“The first one when I was eight, my father and his were military buddies and it sounded reasonable for me to end up with his child. But he died during an epidemic in his country. The second-“ she gulped and tried to look away. That was the most painful. “I hate roses because of him.” He didn’t ask to elaborate and seems to understand how only this was hard for her to tell. 

“The third was for money. He was older than my dad.” Jaime cringed at that. “But he was a respectful man.”

“What happened to him?”

“He told me that I should be a good wife and just stay quiet and bear his children and act like a woman. I broke his collarbone and punched his face.”

Jaime chuckled. “That’s my girl.”

Gods, her insecurities would doom her. How can someone so beautiful look at her like that; full of compassion and warmth? Even with love?

Jaime wasn’t even plain. Brienne could settle for plain. Jaime was handsome and beautiful all at once and born into the golden spoon of the Lannister legacy. Everyone wanted to either sleep with him or be him (Oh, Brienne read the articles, which many also about her being _lucky_ and many other things she had heard enough already. When the urge to find them again for the second time, all the articles she has read previously even vanished).

“Be here with me, Bri.” He said softly. “I want to see you. I want to know you as you know me. Will you let me do that? Slowly as much as you need me to?”

_Of course_ she wanted him to. She wanted him more and more. But the problem was the people around them. Brienne knew she should stop caring about what other people think of her. She should get used to it since all her life was a giant insult. But the people’s perspective on _them_ ; on Jaime being with her was the scary part. 

Jaime didn’t care about it but _she_ did. She cared _more_ especially after the kiss at the festival. And their handholding entire time and he said hello to the people of Tarth and when he proudly showcased their rings to them. It made this particular thought wavered. 

“Yes,” Her voice was so slow that a shout from the house almost quieted hers. Sewlyn called them to get ready for dinner. Jaime brushed his lips to her. “I know you're scared but I’ll do my best for you to open completely to me. After Tarth.” They made their promise. “But I’m still willing to start now. The kiss at the festival was my start.”

He then stood up and lent out his hand. Brienne stared at him for a moment after his statement. _You should try_ \- Olenna told her and even her father. Getting married to him was trying, sleeping with him was trying. Taking care of him was trying. Getting to love him too. She was afraid but she would not lose anything if she tried. 

_Try. And if it consumed you, then stop._

She took his hand. And they never parted even they were inside.

\---------

The next day, their morning was both awkward and hot since both of them forgot that they were sleeping in a house that her dad slept in the next room. 

Jaime woke up with a boner and since they were closer had to snuggle tighter to sleep, Jaime was desperately aroused. Like their usual mornings, he would wake her up with kisses and as her eyes would gradually open, his hand would slither until it reached the destination he craved, which was between her legs. 

“Jaime.” Her soft moan echoed in the room.

“Good morning.” 

He dipped a finger between her legs, and she bucked, grinding down to his palm. He groaned as he sank into the slick heat pouring out of her. She arched against the finger moving down her seam, the flesh pulsing around him. Her grip on his hand tightened, not wanting him to stop. He found her entrance and circled back up, her body shuddering a halted moan as he brushed over the hooded bud at the top.

Brienne turned her head to kiss him but the footsteps heard and Sewlyn's announcement “Guys!” came closer and Brienne froze and Jaime fell from the bed.

Right on time before Sewlyn opened the door.

“See I told you the bed won’t fit both of you. You fell last night?”

“Uh... yes?” Jaime said and tried to sit up and covered his boner. Luckily for him, the blanket fell with him too.

“Sorry to bother you both earlier but I’ll be making breakfast downstairs and you should get ready if you want to go to the lagoon.”

Brienne said her thanks and Sewlyn smiled at them as he closed the door. Brienne hurriedly got up from the bed. “We forgot to lock the door last night.” Oh gods, her bile rose up and she wanted to puke on the idea that Sewlyn probably knew what they were up to. Her moaning was loud enough.

“Did you just pushed me?” 

“Well, I _had_ too.” She said and went into their luggage for her swimsuit.

“I think I should go to the bathroom first.” Jaime blocked her way to the door. She looked at him with her questioning eyes and blushed when he gestured his groin. “I'm still hard.” He pointed on his cock bulging in his pants.

She considered for a moment. Maybe it was the sudden need to touch him or the sudden bravery since he was always the one who started it. He met her eyes when she didn’t speak. “I want to try something,” she says in a rush, the words spilling from her lips as soon as the urge made presence into her mind. Amusement flashed in his eyes. Her vagueness gave him the answer that his eyes turned a darker shade of green.

“Brienne-”

“Sit by the bed,” Brienne instructed. She pushed him by his chest so he walked backward. She then gripped his shoulders and pushed him down so he sat on the edge of the bed. His eyebrows furrowed in anticipation until she knelt in front of him, and then his face transformed into one of shocked arousal, his eyes wide that he bit his lower lip.

He called her again. “Brienne-”

“You go down on me all the time,” she interrupted breathlessly. “I-I w-want to know what it’s like.” She swallowed heavily. “Unless you-”

“Fuck _yes,_ Brienne. I want you to.” He cupped her face. “But Sewlyn-” She placed a kiss against his palm before hooking her fingers into the waistband of his pants, dragging them down his legs. He was always going commando recently and the feel of him in her hand is nothing new. But _this_ was. She never did this before and he knew that. 

“ _Fuck_!” Jaime groaned as Brienne licked his cock from base to tip that she had to palm his mouth. Jaime took that as an invitation to licked and sucked her fingers. It was a whole new situation, a lot hotter than she could have imagined. 

When she swirled her tongue around the head, Jaime pressed her hand on his mouth tougher so he could muffle his groans and whimpers. She went by instinct, what little she has, and by the sounds Jaime was _trying_ to make, and the way his body reacted; him gasping and whimpering. Their eyes met and she knew he tried to keep his eyes open to watch her, but they squeezed shut despite himself, his head flying back, loud moans escaping from his throat, shielded by her hand, loud vibrations ran into her veins.

She could tell that he was close by now, and then tap on her shoulder indicated he didn't want to come inside her mouth but she wanted him to. 

Brienne squeezed her hand around the base of his cock and wrung him dry, her cheeks hollowing out as she sucked thoroughly. His orgasm wracked through as she continued with her torture, swirling her tongue as his seed filled her mouth. She swallowed when Jaime went limp with one final gasp, falling on the mattress behind him. She released him with a wet sound and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, then looked up at him, grinning. That got a reaction from him. Jaime sat back up and pulled her to him. 

She barely straddled him when his mouth latched on her, kissed her deep and furiously. His tongue went into her mouth and tasted her thoroughly that she moaned. She wondered if he would retract when he could taste himself in her mouth but then she remembered that she personally liked it when he kissed her mouth after making her come with his tongue, so he might have liked this too.

“I would’ve fucked you so hard until you couldn’t move if we don’t have places to go and your dad downstairs.” He spoke near her ear with that deep and aroused voice and his lips trailed on her skin, kissing her jaw until her neck and bit her there. Her muffled laughter stopped when the sensation of his teeth made her shuddered.

She grabbed his head so they could kiss again, enjoying the feel of him under her and close. This morning, when the Tarth air was cold and almost could prick into your bones, all Brienne could feel was warmth and _loved_. 

The man that she was happily kissing was the reason.  
  


**Jaime**

They walked along the beach to get to the secret cave that she was enthusiastically leading him. “Three more minutes, Jaime!”

“You said it the same thing ten minutes ago!” He faked a groan. Brienne only looked back at him to simpered and marched ahead albeit slowly for Jaime to catch up. 

This was almost like the dream he had of her. Where she was in front of him walking on a beach. Instead of a summer dress, she wore a one-piece blue swimsuit and short pants, a towel on her shoulder. She looked like a fucking goddess and Jaime just wanted to take her clothes off.

Especially after this morning when he desperately wanted to shout his arousal but couldn't and how he found it terribly hot when she had to shut him up with her hand while she was giving him the best blowjob he ever had. There was always something new in Brienne and he would gladly spend the rest of his life discovering it.  
  


**\---------**

He gasped when he saw the hidden lagoon. They had to walk until the edge of the beach to get into the cave. Brienne had told him only people from Tarth knew this place and it was private. He was grateful that knowing the paparazzi would not come and ruin his day.

They were fairly early and it was too cold for anyone who had the brain to not go there. Yet, Brienne saw how he was looking forward to this. Jaime got ready to jump into the water when Brienne put a towel on the rocky surface. 

“First person to get into the water wins!” He declared before running off to the water. He heard Brienne’s laughter behind him, snatched away by the wind.

She followed him when he went deeper into the sea. The light shone above helped him navigate the area. To be in the water reminded him of Casterly Rock where there used to be a cliff and sea near the mansion before Tywin signed back agreement to use it as his helicopter landing. So Jaime has to kiss the cliff goodbye.

He went back up to the surface. Jaime barely could remove the water from his face when she splashed more on him. His eyes bulged and smiled “Oh, you’re going to attack me for winning?” 

“You’re not playing fair.” She splashed him again but he managed to avoid it. “Attacking an old man? That’s a low blow even for you, wife.” Jaime started to attack too and it hit her face.

Brienne gave him a wide-eyed look as if to say _Me?_ Jaime wouldn’t have it and as he began to swim towards her to get his vengeance, she turned and swam away. But he managed to grab her and spun her around to face him.

“Jaime!” she cried, full of laughter, as he lifted her and tossed her away, sending a wave of water against the lagoon.

She turned on him with a scowl and splashed water into his face. After wiping the water from his eyes, they swam in lazy circles until they were too cold several times. They climbed onto a low bank and then up the stones to where they left their things so they could dry themselves. As they settled onto the towel Brienne had packed, Jaime looked at her, a feeling of such intense joy in his chest that he had to bite back any declarations that he thought Brienne wasn’t quite ready for.

Instead, he asked. “How private is this place?”

She dried her hair with the towel. “Not as much but there are not many people since it's too cold. You're the crazy one to insist on coming here.”

“Well I’m a hot-blooded and you’re crazy too since you are going off with it.” Jaime grabbed her by the nape and kissed her, loving the way she smiled against his mouth.

“How private is this place again?” He whispered.

“Very.” 

“That’s good to hear.” And began to kiss her again. 

They kissed became erotic as Jaime laid her on the towel. It took too long for both of them to undress since the dampness of their swimsuit clung to their skin but when both of them finally free, they didn’t stop touching. 

He entered two fingers between her legs, and she bucked, grinding down to his palm. He explored her, her slight wetness, the sound she made. Brienne came with a curse. And she never cursed out loud but as it turned out if anyone could inspire her it would be him and his fingers. Her own hands explored him, fingers digging in his scalp as his mouth busied sucking her nipple, the other grabbed his cock and slowly palm it that made him moan.

“Jaime, _please_.” 

He didn't need any more reason. When he moved the tip to brush against her center, she mewled and pressed her fingers harder into his shoulder blades. He shuddered at the heat pouring down to her entrance when he pushed it in. _So wet._ He fit himself over her body. Jaime then kissed her jaw and her lips. He needed to bury himself within her, coated with her wetness. It was like he was starving for her.

When he entered, he almost closed his eyes as they rolled back in pleasure at her words and movements, feeling her iota herself forward, surrounding him. Jaime grasped her thigh to steady her and moved forward again, hearing her gasp as he slowly penetrated her. Her nails dug deeper on his back.

Jaime then let it out and with a swift thrust, was inside her again. It made her groan loud. He could feel the warmth of her hands moving down his back, her teeth on his shoulder and the sharp cry she made when he was deeper.

He kept his eyes open, face to face with her, watching her gasped, feeling her shuddered in his arms as her channel stretched to hold him. She looked good under him; tits, stomach, every muscle in her spasm from his touch. Her face was filled with emotions that only he could see. Jaime held her hip steady so he could guide their lovemaking. His movements became slow and stilled when her eyes opened to his again.

Jaime then gripped her hand above her head and laid his head on her shoulder as he formed their rhythm, his breath coming out in hard pants against her neck with each sharp thrust. "Jaime..." She answered with punctuated cries, which changed to a long low moan as he took her faster, gliding through her.

He groaned in her ear from the wetness of her walls and how warm the insides of her. Brienne moaned louder every thrust and it made Jaime proud of himself because he made her come. Their rhythm was unchanged as he moved his head from her shoulder to face her, foreheads touched as heat compilated around them. Jaime kissed her lips as he thrust rougher and deeper. Brienne whimpered in his mouth as he could feel her nails dug his on his lower back; hands slid to his ass and squeezed them, wanting him to fuck her deeper.  
  


\---------

Their breathing was damp from their surroundings. He came inside her not too long ago but he was still inside her, both of them trying to catch their breaths again and both refused to let each other go.

He couldn’t help but stare at his lovely wife under him; her face flushed and the black of her pupils almost covered her blues. Her hair sprawling like a halo on her head and her legs still around his waist despite being limp. Their intertwined hands still remain above her.

Jaime went to kiss her again. This time was sweet and soft. Trying to tell her the feeling building inside him. As the kiss went longer, Jaime went to cup her face but it was the wrong hand that he himself stopped.

He had not worn his prosthetic to Tarth because he didn’t feel the need to. He didn’t care how people would perceive him except the woman who was now smiling at him.

Brienne responded to his sudden stop by taking his stump to her cheek and kissed it. 

Jaime almost forgot how to breathe.

This was definite.

He was in love with his wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unemployment is the most frustrating and depressing thing I faced since I left high school. And I can't even do anything about it either.


	9. Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne went on their first date... and they started a modern sword fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn't supposed to exist but my brain said 'Cohesion!!!' so I had to write it. I had to round up and made this story to have 11 chapters instead of 10 because of this... 
> 
> (Also; a lot of fencing references!!!)

**Brienne**

She held his hand more tightly as they entered the crowd of people in KL City Square. 

Brienne was a bit fatigued from the school exhibition that came to visit the museum today but she was excited too since Jaime told her they were going for a date after work.

“Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise but you will like it.” He gave her his infamous smirk. 

He told her about it after their morning coupling. He blocked her way to the bathroom by settling on top of her, elbows on the mattress, her head between them. When she pushed him to give more information, he refused by kissing her into oblivion that she didn’t ask again.

This was their first date after they headed back from Tarth. The first after they were seen in public too. Margery (even Podrick) has sent her links to articles and even bought fashion magazines for her to read as soon as she stepped into work. 

Brienne hesitated at first but she knew her coworkers never wanted to do harm and clicked the first link that Margary sent her in WhatsRaven; _Lannister newlyweds having_ _romantic_ _fun in Tarth._ She was iffy on the word that was underlined for emphasis or being sarcastic. She then read through the article and it was… _gushing_ over her and Jaime. They even talked about Brienne’s thrift dusty-blue coat calling it ‘ _A refreshing winter look_ ’ and even had Daenerys Targaryen- a famous KL’s fashion editor’s comment on her outfit. Margaery informed her many people to search where they could find her coat after that. 

Apart of the blatant gushiness and even compliments of her, there were lines that about indirectly talked about her luck marrying into Lannister- _Brienne of Tarth’s lovely marriage to the long-time most sort of bachelor of King’s Landing_ ; _a rumor of Jaime being Tarth’s final engagement may be a great love story coming to life_ ; _Jaime Lannister’s surprising marriage to a tiny fortuned family..._

These paired with pictures of them. Most of the articles and magazines have the same picture where Jaime kissed her at the festival, one had a picture of them on the ferry that confirmed her suspicion of someone following them. She was a bit baffled that none of the articles talked about how jarring they looked like kissing like that- with Jaime tiptoed and she had to bent a little. And in some angles, it looked like Jaime was _eating_ her face. Luckily, there was no picture of them on the beach or the lagoon, that would make her miserable and would not look at anyone’s faces anytime soon.

The crowds reduced as they walked nearer to a building in the middle of the city square. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to seeing the building’s sign as neon lights surrounded them blinded her. But when she did, she was familiar with the place even though she never set foot in it.

**King’s Landing Fencing Centre**

A public centre that birth KL’s famous fencing Olympians; Duncan the Tall and Barristan Selmy, it was every kids’ dream to come here to fence once in their life. This was the only centre that had enough equipment to have a proper fencing practice before the Olympics. Brienne wanted to come and look around this place ever since she set foot in KL for college, but she never had the chance and she was afraid if someone came to her to ask her to join a membership or something that would get her closer to being an Olympian herself. It was not like her tall frame and look wouldn't get a look or few. This centre also was always full of fencers too, as _it should_. Maybe it was a weekday, but she saw no one come in and out of the centre. She felt a little calmer at that thought, maybe her chance to snoop around was this night.

“I hope I don’t offend you. I saw your Sabre in your room. I thought a part of you missed it.” Jaime’s hand squeezed hers. 

“I do.” She was still gawking at the sign. “Thank you, Jaime.”

“I booked the whole center for us.”

She turned to him. “ _Jaime_.”

“It’s a school night.” He shrugged. “Not a lot of people will use it. And it’s our first date and it's supposed to be private.”

“You know right people do go dates in public places?”

“Well, do you want to have the same dates as them or beating my ass in fencing and go get ice cream later?”

“We’re going to fence?” Her eyes bulged and her heart was beating as if she was minutes away from a fence competition. 

Jaime’s expression turned alarmed, she immediately knew what he was thinking. “Jaime, you did nothing wrong.” She interjected before he misunderstood further. “I just- I haven't fence since I was in middle school. I’m rusty.”

“I thought I already screwed up our first date for a minute there.” He nodded and breathed in. Brienne reassured him by taking her hand in hers and kissed his knuckles. It was the first affectionate gesture she ever made, _in public_.

She wanted to freak out because Jaime was blushing but he managed to smile and tugged her to go inside. Clearing his throat, he said, “I never told anyone this, but in college, I formed a club dedicated to learning about knighthood.” He faced forward and his voice was stable. Maybe she imagined him blushing, it _was_ cold.

“Really?” She tried to make a conversation.

“Most of the time was us fighting with an Epee sword because as much the rich paid for their legacies to get in, fencing was too boring to be considered a popular college sport.” She was aware of that. Fencing was an expensive sport with little entertainment, unlike soccer or football.

“Are you telling me this thinking you learned to clash with people with an Epee meaning you can fence?” Her eyebrows furrowed but a small smile tugged on her lips.

“No. But I’m telling you I am pretty athletic and would try to defeat you.”

**\--------------**

She looked around after he informed her to get ready.

The center was large and airy. There were mirrors on the walls for practicing stances. There was even a bean bag hanging for boxing too. The walls were built so that their footsteps were almost muted as if it was soundproof (she found out later, it wasn’t). Jaime had prepared everything for her- breeches, plastron, mask and bib- and they even had a practice-Piste in the middle of the room, shorter by half than the usual piste that would be used for Olympics.

“I haven’t played this for the longest time.” She announced more to herself as her hand held the Sabre after more than a decade. 

Amongst all three fencing principles, Sabre was one of the oldest ways of fencing; the second-heaviest sword after Epee. Because of her height, she was supposed to learn Epee since it was the slowest and Brienne could use that principle to learn to balance. Yet, as soon she held a Sabre and learned that it was the fastest one, Brienne couldn’t help but to want to learn it.

Holding the sword now, feeling the surprising weight of steel in her hand and seeing Jaime’s confidence holding one in his left hand while getting ready, Brienne reminded of uncle Goodwin and how she missed his calm voice and jolly laugh and his warm, wrinkled hands, correcting her stance and the way she held the Sabre.

She almost missed being in the fencing team in middle school. On how much she took pride in this sport and how _good_ she was. But she couldn’t do it after Goodwin died. Her eyes darted at the bleachers and he wouldn’t be there like he always would.

She could imagine Goodwin in this room at this moment. He would grumble and claimed that learning to fence in the open air in Tarth was better. She would agree because if they were in the open air in Tarth and she was holding a sword after more than a decade, she could barely put herself inside the gears before she would call it quits.

She was almost in tears by her thoughts until Jaime’s loud footsteps finally stepped on Piste. Jaime looked almost regal in the gears. He recently cut hair (he was forced to by Tywin after he came back from Tarth) and his trimmed but well-kept beard made him look like every inch of a knight; but instead of steel of armour, it was plastron and breeches.

“Jaime, are you really sure about-” 

“Bri, I’ll be honored to get my ass kicked by you.”

She smiled viciously at him, eyes focused at his Sabre. “I’ll not go lightly on you.”

He took his stance behind the guard line and put on the mask. “Come on, come on, my sweetling.” He mocked jokingly with that stupid Northern accent he liked to use when he was excited or jittery. 

“Can I have this dance?” And he parried.

Brienne managed to fall-short and slashed on his torso. His mask beeped red.

One point for her.

“A rookie mistake. I request another round.”

“We have more rounds until time’s up. And you cheated! We didn’t even greet yet until you attacked me.” Brienne stated rather aggressively. 

“Wife, you won this round and I do feel the honor of getting my ass beat, I didn’t say that I wouldn’t cheat.” He came closer to her and motioned her to take off her mask.

“About the greeting? Here.” He stepped forward and kissed her lips. She _paused_. “Don’t get too carried away in beating my pretty ass. This is still a date and I would kiss you whenever I have the chance.”

She was already carried away that she blushed. She grumbled at her thoughts and got ready again.

“Lannister.” She took an attack position.

“Yes, Mrs. Lannister?” He smirked. 

Brienne parried.

**\--------------**

Jaime was competitive _._ Although it was obvious he couldn’t fence, he learned rather quickly. He cataloged her movements, even though she felt she was new in this sport too. But, the longer they fence, the more her muscles remember how to play. She parried, and riposte, and he followed.

_Oh_ , he cheated, many times he just straight up attacking her before they greet. He spent a lot of his attacks with his Sabre pointed recklessly ahead, studying her reactions as she riposte. He did point her several times but mostly on her legs. When he did that, she beat him and slashed correctly at his torso or his mask.

He had learned to used his left hand pretty well; his grip on the epee was strong, _sure_ and the way he swayed the sword was confident. Brienne was trying to not used her full potential to duel with him, but after few rounds, Jaime proved that he was capable enough to fight her in her full strength. The way he moved was light and used his upper body more compared to Brienne who used her lower body to move. He was agile while she was dexterous. If he could play well, Jaime could as well become her competitor. To have him as her opponent made her blood _singing_.

“Are you really sure this is the first time you fence?” She asked, out of breath. This was their tenth round and Jaime won _none_.

“Why? I’m _that_ bad?” His voice stuttered over his mask.

She tried not to smile. “You are but you have potential there.”

“Maybe we should change the rules. And maybe Sabre is not for me.”

“Should we?” They both agreed and Jaime went off from the stage to tale two Epees and threw one at her. The sudden heaviness of the sword was unexpected.

“So, what rule should we change?” They could change the rules to only let the Epee touch the torso for points, or they could just take off the mask and make their movement lighter than rigid. 

She took her stance again, sword readied. 

Before she could wear her mask again, Jaime suggested. “Should we just... sword fight?”

“Really?” Her head tilted at that. That sounded fun and it was a _date_.

“Are you game, wife? Or you’re too scared for a proper sword fight?” It was _not_ a competition.

“Husband, I did some sword fighting this morning for the show and tell. I still think I can beat you.”

**Jaime**

He had no reason to bring her here but was to see her fight like a warrior and he could spend looking at her glowing like a goddess. He was in a perpetual state of bliss whenever she beat him.

The way she moved was enthralling and turned him on that Jaime went away to take the Epees for them so he could calm himself down and not attack her other than using steel swords. 

Realizing his deep feelings for her has made him want more of her. Seeing all the sites he read after their trip to Tarth and about them writing on Brienne was drilling him more to tell everyone that he was happy having her as his wife and that he loved her, _and_ he happily fucking her every night. There were so many instances that he just wanted to let it out but took a step back on the idea of how she would react. He knew she liked him- with her reactions of him being between her legs and inside her, it was impossible for her _not_ to like him with all the sounds she made. And how she touched him _after_. Brienne wasn’t the type to easily get comfortable with people and Jaime was aware he was the selected few.

Every time he saw her face recently, all the words he wanted to speak to her splashed in his head; 

_When I touch you, I crave you, I want more. I want more kisses and moans between us. I want children with you. I want my kids to have a mother who is kind like you. I want more. I want you fully as my wife. I want your love._

“Jaime, you ready?” 

“You know I do, wife.” He grinned and jumped on the Piste. “No masks.” He changed the rule. “Good old sword fight?”

“Agreed.” She said and threw her mask on the floor.

“Ready, my love?” She tensed for a moment. He wished that blushing on her face was from him and not their fencing.

They began.

The Epees were the right choice for a safe duel. The swords kissed and sprang apart and kissed again. He remembered every stupid fight he had done with a sword during his college days and what he watched on TV, while Brienne used her fencing knowledge to deflect his attacks. 

High, low, overhand, he rained down steel upon her. Left, right, backslash, swinging so hard that the sound of steel clang around the room as the two Epees came together, upswing, side slash, overhand, always attacking, moving into her, step and slide, strike and step, step and strike, hacking, slashing, faster, faster, _faster_.

Both were breathless, Jaime put her hand in the air for them to pause. “You’re too good,” he acknowledged. “And I’m so turned on.”

Maybe she thought the words would waver her focus (he did want to) but she wrinkled her nose. “You cheater. It doesn’t work.”

“I _am_ turned on.” He said rather in a serious tone. But then he smiled. “But I do appreciate a good fight before fucking.”

Grunting, Brienne came at him, Epee whirling, and suddenly it was Jaime struggling to defend himself. She slashed like she held Sabre instead, and managed to rake across his brow, “Ow!” he yelped. Brienne scoffed and attacked again.

_She is strong and it’s so fucking hot._

Jaime moved too fast and slipped. As he felt himself falling, he twisted the mischance into a diving lunge. His Epee scraped a bit into her upper thigh. But of course, it did nothing. 

Brienne caught his wrist and slammed his hand on top of his head. She had to straddle him when he moved to try to fight. Still in her hand, she pointed her Epee at his throat. 

“Yield?” She said, breathless. 

He looked at her- messy wet hair and blush all over her face and neck. She looked back at him with the same expression he had. One knew what he wanted, the other still didn’t.

“I yield.” Jaime said and then he pushed her Epee away from his neck, basically threw it away, grabbing her hair with a fist and pulling her down to him, kissing her hard on the mouth.

**Brienne**

She gasped, feeling all of his hard body against hers, the feeling of his other arm wrapped firmly around her waist, keeping her weight on top of him. He was warm and _hard_. 

He broke their kiss and looked at her hungrily. 

“I want you.” He said breathlessly. And then he buried his face on her neck, leaving light kisses on her skin. “ _I want you,_ ” he said again. “Tell me you want me too. _Right now._ ”

She didn’t need to think for the answer. “I do.”

They didn’t need to speak after that. Both trying to take off each other’s fencing gear and clothes. Jaime managed to palm his hand on her exposed cunt as she took off his shirt after his plastron. She shrieked when his fingers went into her folds.

“Gods, you are wet.” His fingers moved so that he touched her on the right spot. She moaned in their kiss and moved her hips as his hand did. 

“Ja- I need you inside me!” She ground harder on his hand, also feeling his bulge under her.

She wanted him inside her _now_ , and for the first time in their coupling, she wanted _more._ She took the lead.

Brienne took his hand away from her cunt and placed it on top of his head with his stump. Her free hand unlaced his breeches and sprang his hard cock free.

As he was vulnerable and eager under her, she leaned forward, face closed to his and parted her legs wider, entirely conscious of how wet she was between her legs, and how his tip was close. She would remember how his eyes shone like fire the moment she sunk down on him, both groaned loud at the feeling inside her that her grip of his wrists loosened and his left hand came up and grasped at her back again.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he moaned. “This is perfect. You’re so fucking perfect _fuck-_ “ 

“You’re so big. So good,” she whispered, pulling him to sit up. She held him on the nape, a hand behind his neck and another going behind his shoulders as she experimentally rolled her hips and he gasped, holding him closer.

He clasped at her ass, his hips arching upwards, but he was not trying to get the upper hand. “Fuck yes, Brienne. Ride me.”

He let her lead this time, letting her find the rhythm she liked and let her use him. It sent a rush of blood downwards, where they were joined- where it was aching in between her legs and where he was hard inside her and she was clenching around him.

She canted her hips downwards once, twice, listening to his dirty words of him wanted her to come with him. He moved forward, hand clenched on her skin between her shoulder blades.

When she sunk down this time, his mouth went to suck her hard nipple. He sucked and then bit her as his cock hit the right spot inside her that she screamed. She sunk down on him again and harder. Her came made her move slower, her legs were shaking from the fencing and this moment. All she wanted now was to rest in his arms and forget about the world and the public opinion on them, their duties to their family and the fact that she was scared of loving him even though she already did.

Then she looked down and saw his face and for a moment and all she could see the _love_ for him. It was like it didn’t matter. Because his head was tilted upwards as if he wanted her to lean down and kiss him. She did, holding him up so she could bring him closer and he did the same by not letting her go. His mouth was red and he was leaning into her hands and still fucking her when she was still shaking like they were made to fit together. Both of them were turning into a mess of melody of curses and moans. She felt like she was in a romance book she read and as the main character, who was lusted and loved by a man that she never imagined to want her.

They were only two people in this fencing centre, naked on a Piste, their fencing gears gone, the salty taste of sweat from their exercise and fucking. He was right _there_ with her, inside her, kissing her, touching her like he couldn’t get enough, alive and strong under her fingers and she felt the joy and rush that she had when she held the Sabre.

She loved him.

And it scared her.

So, she expressed by kissing him all over; down and trails kiss over his cheekbones, over his forehead, and over his temple as she started to continue riding him, as he whispered words telling her that she was everything he ever imagined and more. 

He came trembling inside her- gasping before he arched back up again as she rolled her hips downwards again and spilled inside her, screaming her name loud enough that she felt like people could hear as they passed by the door of the center.

“Gods,” he moaned. 

Looking down at him, she felt her heart swelled as she stared at his red, kiss-swollen mouth and his fiery _bright_ eyes, her hand carding through his hair as he leaned against it and groaned in approval. He nuzzled his nose on her and he closed his eyes for a moment. “So, about ice cream?” 

“I want Dulce de leche. And you’ll pay for it.”

He chuckled slightly, voice hoarse. “Of course, my love.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The virus is still spreading. Harder for me to find a job haha *stares in English Major graduate*


	10. Ravished

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like the chapter title but before that, a lot of drama and wrong timing declarations.
> 
> OR in which Jaime and Brienne are going to Oleanna's party but Jaime had a meeting before and Brienne has to try on a specific dress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is 7K chapter. And a lot of scenes in this were not on my initial list. But, it happens.
> 
> The longest chapter for this fic (That was why I put off writing it so much).

**Brienne**

Brienne woke up by the sound of Jaime’s phone ringing violently. Her husband was still deep in his dream but his arms around her tightened as she moved slightly to take his phone to stop the alarm.

It was a Saturday and it was odd that he even made an alarm. When she managed to pick up his phone, her eyes opened slightly and saw the word; _Monopolist Psychopath_ on the screen. 

She woke him up. 

“Turn it off,” he blurted in his groggy voice, “sleep with me longer.” 

“It’s your father.”

“Wha-“

She showed him the screen and he grunted. Then she touched his phone and placed it on his ear.

“Father,” Jaime grumbled. As she was the one holding the phone to him, Jaime snuggled closer on her neck. Tywin’s voice was hush and low but she managed to hear, _‘Now_ , _‘party’_ which Jaime replied “I know.” and _‘I don’t care’_ when Jaime only uttered, “But it’s the weekend.”

“Continue sleeping,” Jaime said when the phone call ended and closed his eyes. Brienne stared at him for an answer. 

When she didn’t reciprocate his snuggle, Jaime relented. “Tywin wants me to come to the office. Some representatives from Essos came to visit and wanted to talk about a new merger with them.” His beard tickled her skin. She couldn’t help but squirm. “This has been biting my ass for weeks.”

“That’s good isn't it?” She tried to wiggle herself out of his grip.

“Bri, it’s _Saturday_.” He pouted.

“Can you say no to your father?”

“Of course not.” His nuzzled on her skin deepen. “But I like to piss him off.”

She let him have his short nap by snuggling on her. She couldn’t move but she realised how used both of them were touching so intimately. Jaime's hand already crept on her back and went under her shirt, fingers softly gazing circled on her skin between her shoulder blades. While her finger was already in his hair, making him purr like a giant cat.

When she thought Jaime had fallen back asleep, her husband mumbled. “ _Ah,_ Oleanna’s having a party tonight.” 

“Tonight? I thought it was next Saturday.”

“Change of plans. Apparently many old money came to KL for meetings this weekend, better opportunities for them if they come to that old lady’s party.” With that Brienne went to pick up her phone.

Her friend texted her at 3 AM in the morning, which probably the time she went out partying with her brother who came to visit KL from Stormlands; 

**MarMar:**

**‘[A SUDDEN NEWS MY BABY]**

Grandma. Party. Tonight (no next week. Targaryens, Freys, Tullys, and even Martell came to visit so-) Formal. All the people are gonna be there. RENLY too.

Brienne hasn’t heard the name for years. She texted her back despite knowing Mar probably sleeping;

**Me:** I’m married now.

She apparently was not sleeping. She texted barely a minute later.

**MarMar:** Ohhh, _taken_ I see. Nothing. I love drama. I hope Jaime will get jealous when Rey even breathes 5 meters near you. And I love seeing my brother being dramatic for a reason.

Jaime, jealous? _Jaime?_ Brienne almost scoffed at that.

**MarMar:** ALSO!!! I heard that Robert is not coming so I feel like I’m giving that good news. Work in the Free Cities. Maybe Cersei will not too. I heard she and her brother ended up pretty horribly last time they met.

Brienne didn't say anything specific about Cersei to Margaery. Yet, as her friend was from an influential family, she has her sources. She informed Brienne that she heard words from people that someone saw all the three Lannister siblings fighting in front of Jaime’s apartment. That fight led to Tyrion falling and Cersei left alone outside of the building. It was partially true. Jaime told her bits of the scene, that he warned Cersei it was the last time he would see her. Brienne went silent when Mar mentioned it. 

But Margaery, being Margaery, pushed her for details but as much she hated Cersei for hurting Jaime, she knew family conflict stayed within the family. She was his family now and she has to take care of and protect him first.

When Brienne didn’t reply on that part, she texted her again;

**MarMar:** **!!!!ALSO!!!!** I got the dress. Keen eyes, my friend. So, come to my place before the party so I could make over you 👀👀👀

She typed as she announced to herself. “I don’t have a dress.” She hasn’t bought one since she was in high school.

“Bought one for you already.” That came from Jaime. “Ugh, I can’t sleep back. Father ruined it for me.” He groaned and tightened his arms around her.

“What?”

“I sent a dress to your friend Margaret.” He looked up to her. There was no joke nor malice on his face. “You bought me a dress?”

“Yes.” He looked boringly at her. “It’s blue and it’s silk and you will look like a goddess in it. I do hope I get your measurements right though,” He laid his head on her chest, “I’m really confident that I did get your measurements right.” That one was more to a mumble to himself. “Gods, I’m so sleepy.”

It was so normal and she was still in awe how much this normalcy between her and Jaime has become in their daily lives. After their first date at the Fencing Centre, they went on another _and_ another. 

Second to an arcade near the farther side of KL, where she and Jaime played most of the games there and both were very good at it. Jaime won a big size teddy bear for her; which was put on their couch in the living room. The third to a movie to a book adaptation that Brienne read and obsessed over in high school. Jaime insisted her read it for him before they watched the adaptation. He was so impatient with the night rituals of her reading the book that he asked Pia how to download the audiobook and listened to it during lunch so he knew what she would be reading beforehand. 

They went on more dates, having more breakfast time together on weekends and dinners at home, and learned about each other more deeply. 

She loved him _more_ deeply.

“Jaime, it’s Margaery.” Was all that she managed to say. “Not Margaret.”

Jaime’s chest heaved, laughing. His head on her chest moved up until his forehead touched hers. He kissed softly on her mouth. “Good morning.” And he kissed her again.

This has been their normal for months; the good morning kiss. She was initially terrified at that notion. She knew it sounded romantic, hells, she read this thing in romance many times, Yet the idea of her doing her was _preposterous_.

Then, Jaime kissed her and she was flying.

She kissed him back and that gave her his groggy smile. “Good morning,” she still was shy about it though.

“So, what are you having in mind for breakfast?” he asked. His arms on either side of her head. His eyes were brilliant green and lighter than she had seen in months. 

“Yo-”

“Please don’t say yogurt again, I almost had diarrhea from last week.”

“Well, it was not my fault you ate an expired yogurt.”

“Hey, I thought it was still good. It didn’t smell bad.”

She clicked her tongue. “So, what do _you_ have in mind?” She then brushed his hair like the way he liked. They still had ingredients for pancakes, and they also had sausages and bacon in the fridge. Maybe they could do fried chicken and waffles-

Her thoughts stopped when she saw Jaime’s face lit up in mischief. 

_Oh._

She asked a very wrong question.

 _Right_ in his case.

“What do _I_ have in mind for breakfast, love?” Brienne blushed. He nuzzled his beard on her jaw. “Hmm… I would like to eat something that would make the woman under me scream. Something delicious and would energize me throughout the day.” He kissed her eyelids, her nose, her lips then her chin and went lower, kissing her skin through her shirt and her exposed navel. He kissed her mound through her pants.

Brienne started to breathe hard. “Jaime-”

His eyes lit up between her legs. “Do you want me, love?” His breaths were so near to her core that she shivered.

_Of course. I want. I want it. I love you._

“Yes.” She said. “I want you.”

He made her scream.

**Jaime**

_I should quit and become a freelance photographer again_ , he thought. _Yes, I should move to Tarth and live off as a tourist photographer. Maybe a wedding photographer too. Maybe I should open a shop? With a wine shop beside it so Tyrion could move to Tarth and do business too?_ He tried to focus by drinking a glass of cold water.

_I hate it here._

Jaime has been stuck in this meeting for three hours. If the view in front of him was nice like Brienne, he would be fine with it. But Tywin’s half-bald head was shiny and the Connington's’ ruddy coloured hair and beards really made him want to go to the bar for three glasses of bourbon. 

Even though it was late afternoon, one of the Conningtons in front of him (maybe the younger one, he didn’t care) suggested having a meeting, not in Lans Corp, but in a fucking bar.

He was reluctant to go obviously, making sure he and Brienne had a big breakfast before leaving. But he could _not_ go either. He was anxious for this particular meet up for a month, and the Conningtons decided to meet them in a _bloody_ bar. It was hard to get in touch with Conningtons that lived in the Free Cities, let alone meeting them so Jaime kept his mouth shut.

Jaime has never been in this place, yet he was aware it was an attraction for tourists coming to KL. The place was built to have the alluring feeling; the walls were painted burgundy red, architected with wood craftsmanship from the tables and even bar when they walked passed by to the private room they were now in. He bet Tyrion would love this place if he didn’t go here already (Jaime doubted it).

It was the three hours time period when the Conningtons finally, _fucking finally_ signed the contract that the Lannister Corp presented to them on the land buying near the Free Cities. 

Jaime excused himself, announcing that he needed a fresh drink and walking out from the private room to the bar. 

He ordered cold lemon water (much to the bartender gave him a weird look) and drank all the water in one gulp. Then his phone bings. It was a number that he didn’t save but there was a huge username ‘MARMAR’ with roses on each side, and a picture attached to the message.

**MarMar:** 👀👀👀 Hehe…👀👀👀

Attached under her message was a picture of Brienne, who was looking at a mirror that seemed to be inside a huge closet. Oblivious of Margaery's photo snap. Jaime gulped as he zoomed entirely to her. 

Brienne was wearing the dress that he bought her for Aunt Genna’s sadly-didn’t-come birthday party and as he pictured, was _godly_ on her.

It wasn’t a full photo (Margaery sucked at taking pictures, Jaime judged), he knew he got her measurement right. The skirt was like ocean waves and wavy, not hitting the floor. He couldn’t wait to see her.

And her exposed back. 

Jaime wanted to lick it.

He texted; _‘Give her heels.’_ back before a voice called his name.

“Mr. Lannister.” He turned off his phone.

“Ronnet,” he recalled. The younger Connington, “have you lost your way? It _is_ a large bar.”

Ronnet ordered a whiskey. “I wished to have the chance to meet the man associated with the maiden not-so-fair.” When his drink arrived, he gave a toast to Jaime. His beard shone in the light as if it was on fire. Jaime could smell cigarettes on his breath. “Is it fun fiddling with the media during your holiday on Tarth? I heard you two went skinny dipping in the sea at night.”

Jaime scoffed. “What do you mean?” He wondered how that part of them enjoying the holiday had been changed to fit the narrative of gossip sites. “We went to the festival and as much of a shameless I am, my wife loves her privacy and I would like that for her too.”

“. . . the sight of Brienne naked might have made the bear flee in terror.” Connington laughed.

Jaime did not. “You speak as if you know her.”

“I was engaged to her.”

That took him by surprise. “Her father made a match for her . . .”

“Thrice,” Ronnet said. “I was the second. My father’s notion. I had heard she was fucking ugly, and I told him so, but he said all women were the same once you turned off the lights. He said that our family may be old but we never have the money and influence as Tarth has. For any such, it would be a good gamble. “

Jaime wanted more cold water. “How is it that you did not wed?” Jaime asked him.

“Well, I went to Tarth and saw her. I had six years on her, yet she could look me in the eye. She was a pig in silk, and without tits. When she tried to talk she almost choked on her own tongue. I threw her a rose and told her it was all that she would ever have from me.” Ronnet glanced into the row of drinks behind the bar. “A bear would be less hairy than that freak, I’ll—”

Jaime’s prosthetic cracked him across the mouth so hard the man went tumbling down, his whiskey glass shattered. “You are speaking to my wife. Call her by her name. Call her Brienne.”

And he wasn’t done in fucking this fucker up.

He charged again.

**Brienne**

She had been questioning her reflection for five minutes, both shocked and nervous at how she looked. Now it was worse as they descended to the stair.

“Mar, are we really doing this?” She mumbled to her friend who was excited when they finally reached the door where the party held.

“Yes, Brienne!” Margaery squeezed Brienne’s shoulders from behind. She gasped, and Brienne didn’t know how many times she did. “You look like a sept angel!”

“Truly? I feel bigger in this.”

“Then be proud of it. Jaime truly has a taste in choosing clothes for you.” 

She blushed at that. Brienne of Tarth (now Lannister) in a _dress_. A _nice_ one at that. It was a halter dress, with a flowy skirt and exposed back. She was uncomfortable at first. But Jaime bought her this dress and it _fitted_ her. And for the time in her life wearing a dress, she didn’t hate it.

Well, until Margery commented that this dress was too modest and decided to alter it for the last minute; which she cut off the slit of the skirt higher so Brienne could move _easier_ and also showcased her leg. And the heels. _Gods._ It was simple black heels; like the one women were obligated to wear in a corporate setting. It wasn’t a 5-inch heel, only adding another two-inch for Brienne’s 6’2, but _still_. 

Yet she couldn’t say no after seeing how Margery’s face lit up. 

The door opened and there was barely enough room in Tyrell’s foyer to roam. “Look! Daenerys Targaryen.” Margaery pointed her chin to a petite woman with white hair. She was wearing a black dress that made her look like a queen. Brienne’s eyes roamed again and she saw Genna Lannister, who was happily eating strawberry tart and waved at Brienne when she looked back. She mouthed; _‘This is so good!!’_ that made Brienne smile. Then her eyes landed on her boss, Catelyn Stark who was busily discussing something with her children; Sansa and Arya Stark. The first looked like she was happy to be here while the later gave her mom a sour expression.

She recognised the Tullys, Bryden was there and he was a great Olympic fencer back in the ’70s, she saw few faces she recognised who was from Stormlands. 

Margaery led her and both greeted the guest they knew. They briefly talked to Catelyn about the upcoming conference they had to go to. Then Brienne scrunched down to talk to Arya Stark who stared at her in awe until she finally blurted about how she recently joined the fencing team in her school and she saw Brienne’s fight ‘step by step on how to fence’ in a VHS tape. 

Then to Daenerys whom she genuinely gasped seeing Brienne’s dress. She even asked where she bought it but Brienne only replied that Jaime bought for her. That caused Daenerys to have a cheeky smile and said: “I will put that input in my article.”

People kept on coming and kept on their conversation. Champagnes and cakes served, but there was no sign of the only person she wanted to see.

Then she saw a man approach her.

“Brienne Tarth.”

She didn’t know why she stammered. “Renly.”

“It’s nice seeing you here.” She blushed. “Haven’t seen you since ah-“

“My last year of middle school.” She said. When he saved her from humiliation. Where he was her first love.

**Jaime**

“For once in your life, do you ever think of the consequences?” Even though Tywin’s voice was low, it was stern. And angry.

“He insulted my wife.” Jaime said. His left held massaging his right wrist. It hurt and the prosthetic’s fingers were already hay-wired. When he punched Ronnet, Jaime used his right and it caused his stump to graze painfully into his prosthetic that his skin came off and his stump was alarming red.

Yet, he didn’t leave after the fight. He stared down at Ronnet, not knowing what his face looked like that Ronnet didn’t fight back nor threatened him to fight back. Or sue, which Jaime heard Ronnet liked to do.

His controlled yet angry father, Tywin was a bit relieved that at least the Conningtons had signed the agreement before Jaime punched the man’s face. Even Jon Connington, the elder one, only looked at his nephew and went quiet.

Lannister didn’t use force unless it was necessary.

Even now, Jaime still wasn't asking to leave. They were in the limo that Sandor drove, heading to Oleanna’s party. And because Tywin insisted that Jaime at least fixed his stump now his prosthetic all fucked, he had to go to the office so Jaime could take his cream and wrap his hand carefully with a bandage. To make his father wait so he could piss the old man off further, Jaime also changed his clothes to a suit he had in his office wardrobe; all black except for his fine tailored golden suit.

“Even if he talks ill of your wife, you shouldn’t have punched him. Luckily the place is secluded.” 

“I don’t care.” Jaime grunted. At least he didn’t need to see the Conningtons at the party. 

“You should control your temper. I would not have this thing happen again. Especially when you take my place. You need to learn that there is a reason why people will talk ill about your wife.”

Anger sprung inside him. “What do you mean?”

Tywin looked at him, sitting opposite of him in the vehicle. “Look at her. Even your first comment when I gave you her picture. When you first met her.”

 _She is ugly._ Jaime pursed his lips. “I was wrong-“

“Yes but _people_ , son. Other people wouldn’t be kind. She was engaged three times before you. You met one and he talked ill. What makes you think he would be the last one? Just because you punched him? Just because you gave a warning? Learn to control your anger. I know your wife got used to it at this point in her life.”

“But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.” He said. 

He has always been beautiful all his life. When he lost his hand, he knew how people's views on him changed. Obvious when he wasn’t the most sought after bachelor anymore. He didn’t care about it but it just felt like it opened a door for him to see. And then Cersei and Tywin saw him; like he wasn’t whole and he wasn’t perfect anymore. 

But what about people like Brienne? _Tyrion?_ Who spent all their lives getting ridiculed for something they cannot control? How hard they had to fight to chase the work, the promotion, and had to work ten times harder with the pretty people who chased the same thing? How hard for them to open up in loving someone when they finally found someone they didn’t care how they looked like. That someone who wanted to know them deeply.

Now he understood the anger Tyrion had for his father when he hurt Tysha. Because Tysha was that someone to Tyrion. That someone was like Brienne who didn’t care about Jaime stump. 

_Someone_.

“You know father, you are very self-aware with all of this but in your life, you never treated Tyrion with love.”

Tywin spoke smoothly; “He’s not my son.”

“He’s more your son than I am.” He said and asked Sandor to stop the car. “I’ll take a taxi.” 

Jaime hasn’t stopped speaking. When he got out of the car, he turned to face Tywin and spoke; 

“I’m sorry father. I’m truly am.” Jaime said, “I couldn’t help Cersei but at least I could help myself. I’m happy that Tyrion left after seeing how he was mistreated in his own home. He’s happier with your grandkids and the girl you hated. He’s happier than living his life here getting scrutinized by his goddamn father over the thing he couldn’t control. He finally has a _proper_ family. I'm sorry that all of us couldn’t be the kids that you wanted. I’m sorry that me and Cersei were so lonely and we started to get sexual with each other. I’m sorry that your daughter raped your son and now he spent all his life having a fucked up notion on love and had to force himself to get help when everyone left him.

“The only good thing about having you as my father is that you brought Brienne to me. And she has helped me and taken care of me more than you could ever do. Cersei came one time and she assaulted me. Yet Brienne was there. And _Tyrion_ too.

“Your wife died but _our_ mother died. I know deep down she would have loved Tyrion. And mom would be disappointed at you for treating us like that. I’m sorry father. And I’m _sorry_ for you too.”

And he closed the door and called a fucking taxi.

**\--------------**

Jaime had to take a breath after climbing to the last stair to enter the main door of the Tyrells’ mansion. _Fucking rich people._

When he finally got inside, he saw Tywin already had champagne in his hand and was talking to a Martell, unfazed. There was no change in his expression, not even a glint of guilt in his eyes when he turned to Jaime as if he knew his son had arrived. Jaime knew that Tywin Lannister would never change his way, yet at least he let it out. And according to Marbrand, letting it out (in a calm manner) was good. Jaime only gave his father a nod and turned back to the guest.

It was not hard to look for the tall blond woman. Jaime knew it was her the moment he glanced at the white-blond hair.

“Beautiful, isn’t she?” Jaime jumped and looked to his right. Oleanna winked at him. “My grandchild’s best makeover yet.”

“Who’s she talking to?” Brienne covered the man entirely from his view. 

“Renly Baratheon.” Ah, Robert’s estranged brother. Made sense they knew each other, since both from Stormlands. But there was no Robert. Jaime heard he couldn’t make it. 

Oleanna said plainly, “I hear she has had a huge crush on him since middle school.” 

That got him. “ _Since_?” 

She drank her champagne. “Not sure.” and toast to him before she left.

He turned back to her. They were deep in conversation. Brienne only talks with her hands constantly grasping the air like that when _they_ talk about the tv show they liked and the books she read to him. The thing was, as Jaime moved closer, Renly seemed engaged. 

It baffled him that he was jealous of this man who was obviously not into women. 

Then a hand stopped him from moving closer to Bri.

“What the _fuck_ do you want?” Jaime turned to Cersei. 

He had hope and he was _told_ she couldn’t make it. When he turned to focus on anyone but her in the room, his eyes met Margaery who looked at the twin, mouth slightly open. Somehow Cersei managed to drag him away from the crowd. He fought to let himself off from her grip but her nail digging painfully on his skin that she managed to drag him to the nearest door and trapped him in a room that looked like a mini-office. Pictures from the desk showed it was Mace Tyrell’s. 

Cersei sure knew this mansion when Olenna despised her. His mind churned.

“You should shave the beard.” Was the first thing Cersei said.

He forced his legs to turn. “Fuck off,” Jaime said and turned to go. 

“Do you think she would return your feelings? Knowing how broken and _used_ you are?”

He faced the door. There were millions of different memories flashing in his head; the ones he experienced with Cersei. He could feel his heart beating like crazy. He tried to remember any ones he treasured. He tried to remember Brienne. He tried to remember Adam’s breathing techniques.

_Breath._

“Do you ever think that even if she has feelings for you, it’s not out of gratitude and pity? Look at her blushing like a schoolgirl at Renly.” She came closer to him. He turned to his sister.

It has been almost two months since the last time he saw her. Her beautiful face was always beautiful. Yet, she had this slight gaunt look on her. Her hair, usually pretty hair was a mess and her gold dress had a liquid like a wine splash on her. It was almost two months and Jaime still wasn’t as strong as he wanted to be facing his trigger. He was should get over his fear when facing her. The last time, he could but now, could her? _Could I?_

"Sister," Jaime said.

He couldn’t. He couldn’t.

Could.

He could.

He **could**.

_I can._

He _breathed_. “If you think you could make me insecure with your words, you are wrong. I know myself. I know what my feelings are and I know _my_ wife.” His voice was stable and it sounded strong. _He_ was strong.

Then the door knocked. “Jaime?” 

And it made him stronger.

“I’m here.” His voice was clear. 

He turned to Cersei. “You can’t break me anymore.” He forced his body to move and the door burst open. 

Cersei looked at him like he had gone mad and tried to leave the room. It seemed like all those years with her, that final words he spoke was the boundary he had made with her. It was like Cersei waving the white flag.

Brienne blocked the exit but Cersei tried by hitting her shoulder but his girl didn’t flinch. She grabbed Cersei’s arm, and his sister flung back. “You hurt him and I will hurt you back.” Her voice was low but clear and it made Jaime’s stomach turn. 

And she let her go and made Cersei almost trip. 

Then she turned to him. “Jaime.” Brienne’s astonishing eyes were full of worry. With her honest face, Jamie just knew that she wasn’t liking her out of gradualness and pity. He knew because he looked at her the same way too. 

_Cersei is wrong. So wrong._

Brienne cared. She was scared for him. She studied him as much as he did her; he knew because she came to him without hesitation. Cupping his face, Jaime had to tilt his head upwards because she wore heels.

By the Sevens, _she wore heels_.

And that dress. 

“You look absolutely ravishing tonight.” She was confused. Jaime just smiled at her. Giving her the happiest one he hadn’t worn in years.

His sister was wrong.

Because he knew deep down what he felt, hoping _she_ felt the same too. He had acknowledged his feelings for weeks and he was tired of not saying out loud. 

It was time.

“Brienne, I love you.”

**Brienne**

She excused herself to leave early. Jaime followed her. The car ride home was silent because she refused to talk to him. Then his mouth opened when they finally arrived home. 

“Say something Bri.”

“What do you want me to say?” Her voice was soft like she was falling. “You blurted things randomly to me. You looked like you went mad for a moment.” And he looked down at his stump. “What happened?!”

“It was not a thing.” He stated but she was already taking his stump in her hand. She didn’t want to hear it so she blocked all the noise and dragged Jaime to their kitchen island. 

She gasped when he untied the bandage that wrapped around his stump. The redness has gone in most places and his delicate skin torn off. Luckily it was not bad so she stared at Jaime so he stayed put and went to take his creams and aid-kit. 

They went quiet again.

When he said he loved her, Brienne froze. He was waiting for her to say something. To say the _same_ thing he blurted out.

She freaked out.

Cersei just cornered him and he blurted that he loved her?!

_How was that even work?_

When the room went quieter and she was applying the cream, Jaime spoke again. “I had the meeting with the Conningtons. I punched Ronnet.” 

She flinched at that name. Her second engagement and her worst. At least she managed to punch the third. She was engaged quite early to that man. She was fourteen, he was six years older than her. 

One look at her face, Ronnet threw a rose at her face and spat on his feet. “Ugly.” The word will be her main description to herself for life.

“What did you punch him for?” Her voice shook slightly as she tried to focus on patching band-aids on Jaime’s stump.

“He disrespected you.” He said. “He hurt you.” His hand grabbed her and made Brienne look at him. Their rings shone despite the bright lights of the house.

“ _You hurt him, I hurt you back._ ” He echoed her words back to her. He placed her hand on his chest, feeling his rapid heart beating. 

“I’m not crazy. I know it was bad timing. But I do, Brienne. Even when you don't. Even if you like Renly. I can’t keep it inside me anymore. I love you, I do.”

“I don’t like Renly like that anymore.” Her tears swelled. “It has been years.”

It was what she wanted, wasn’t it? For someone to say that he loved her.

Yet, it felt jarring, _weird_. This didn't happen to Brienne of Tarth. Her first love who was the only reason she felt for was kind to her, a decent human attribute. She failed three engagements. Men and women both sneered at her. She was her family’s failure. Galladon should’ve lived instead of her. She was ugly and mannish and too tall and too much.

And Jaime loved her.

“I wanted to hear that all my life.” She said. “I’m happy, I am. But I’m scared, too...”

He wrapped his arms around her and she instantly hugged him tightly. And she cried. 

For her young self and for her acceptance of no one could ever love her. She cried for her acceptance yet yearned so dearly for someone to hold and kiss. Someone that was _hers_. She cried for the initial acceptance that loving Jaime from afar was enough, that it was tolerable that he couldn’t love her the way she loved him. Because she was too ugly and Jaime was too beautiful. 

She cried because it was her first time feeling this, and it was _real_.

**Jaime**

When she said she didn’t like Renly, he knew she spoke true. And he knew who she loved. He didn’t need her confession, he just knew and happily could wait for it. A year, fifteen, sixty years, he didn’t care.

They were too tired to move from the couch. So they went in their full party garment to sit and watched X-Files reruns. Then they realised both of them hadn't eaten dinner, Jaime agreed to order curry and rice from a nearby restaurant. Hers were green chicken curry while he was the extra spicy lamb curry.

Both were immersed with the show that none of them speak. They ate and Jaime grunted because he was frustrated by Scully always denying Fox’s proof. He could hear her giggled beside him. 

He loved that he could make her laughed like that. When both of them finished eating, Jaime volunteered to do the dishes.

Jaime didn’t know you could be scared of falling in love with someone. He was the type that just wanted to scream to everyone that he loved someone. But he understood the fear of getting into love uncertainty. Considering his situation; at how love could be turned to a dark abyss when it was used and twisted wrongly.

Love should be warm and safe. Love was supposed to be like Brienne’s kind eyes. Love was supposed to protect and push someone to be better. 

His love for the woman who he came back to sit beside her was that. 

When she was still focusing on the show, Jaime took her hand and kissed her ring finger. “I love you.” He said for the third time.

“I love you too, Jaime.” She said suddenly.

He blurted; "Well, that was fast." nervously. He thought she would misunderstand his meaning and he would have explained but then he saw how red Brienne's face was. She pursed her lips, terrified. She understood _clearly_ what he meant. He asked, “This is not a chain reaction right?” _now_ he understood that she was upset with his sudden declaration.

She turned to him, her dress pulled around her as she closed her eyes. Brienne huffed. “Jaime Lannister, I love you.” And then she opened her eyes. It was cerulean and magnificent to see how her emotions were shown so clearly on them. 

“When?” He asked.

“What-“

“When did you realise? Mine when we were at Tarth and we were fucking by the lagoon.”

“Gods, Jaime you made this harder.” She scrunched her nose in disgust, her humor lit her up. “Our date? At the fencing center.”

“Wait, you find me hot when I fence and your heart goes ‘I love this man’?”

“No,” Now she blushed again. “I- when” she stammered and Jaime smirked. He knew when.

 _Oh,_ he loved making her nervous.

“Oh, you idiot.” She grumbled and surged at him.

Did kisses feel different when an ‘I love you’ involved?

It sure did for him.

He pulled Brienne so she straddled him. Their kiss got deeper when he surged his tongue into her mouth, making her groaned. Bless Margaery had slashed the slit higher so Brienne’s leg could move more freely. He could grab her by the top of her thigh so her core brushed his hardening cock.

“I want to love you in this dress the moment I saw it in that shop.” She humped him slowly as her hands undressed him. He was dying and he hasn’t been inside her yet. “Fuck.” His mouth moved to her neck, lightly bit her that she moaned. “You’re so perfect. So fucking perfect.”

Luckily he bought the dress so he knew where the zip and buttons were. When the top flattered down, he didn’t spare time and sucked her tit inside his mouth, making her jolted in surprise and ground him harder. He bit and licked and sucked and did the same to her other tit, making her moaned uncontrollably on top of him.

He wanted to make love with her so _badly_. 

He placed his arms on the back of her knees and stood up. She automatically circled her arms around his neck.

There was a concern on her face that he knew so well. “Jai-“

“I’m strong enough.” He wavered slightly but his hold on her steadied as he carried her to their bedroom. And once there, he threw her in the middle of the bed and crawled on her. His lips caught hers and he kissed her softly, then desperately. Hoping that the kiss would show how much he loved her and how much he was willing to give himself to her.

Then he went lower again, pulling out her cotton underwear but not stripping her naked. Jaime knelt on the floor and placed her calves on his shoulders.

“I’ll make you scream louder than this morning.” And buried his face between her legs.

Jaime’s eyes rolled back and closed, his senses filling with her heady taste and scent as he ran the flat of his tongue through her wet folds. She bucked forward and he wrapped an arm around her waist to steady her body so he could explore her with his mouth more throughout.

Her thighs shook, splaying out one minute so he could hear her then trapping his ears the next, muffling her sharp cries. When he reached the top of her labia and flattened his tongue against her bud, Jaime opened his eyes to savor the sight of his wife lost in pure pleasure. His tongue flicked and she was near, her hand finally finding his head and grabbing his hair. He used his fingers.

He thrust them fingers in, curling them forward. His fingertips searched her channel carefully for the spot. And when they reached their goal, he felt her hips rock and heard her voice cry out even through the wall of her thighs squeezing around his head. He sucked her clit into his mouth again, and from his lips and the pressure of his curled fingers became an axis of pleasure piercing through her. 

She came with a scream.

Jaime went up to her then, who was still undulated. Her head thrown back on the sheet. Her fingers threaded through his hair when they kissed again. Deeply, thoroughly, her essence mixing in their mouths. Then she pushed him on the bed.

“My turn.” 

His eyes glazed over at her meaning and he exhaled long and low as she turned toward him. Jaime laid on his back even when every inch of him wanted to take her under him this very moment and join their flesh as deeply and thoroughly as he possibly could. 

Brienne undressed him after she took off of her dress. She kissed over Jaime’s stomach and he sighed, allowing himself to relax against her careful exploration. He drew his legs slightly apart so she could kneel between them.

Her fingers circled his girth and her lips lowered. Jaime moaned as she descended to taste the salt and warm spice of his flesh. His hand reached softly into her hair as she enveloped him with her hot mouth.

Jaime was _dying_. Rational thought left him when her hand closed around him, then her lips, then her tongue, then the hot touch of the back of her throat. He moaned. Her lips dragged upward with straining pressure before descending once more, enveloping him in the soft wet heat of her mouth. 

He was this close to coming apart.

He stopped her just in time by pulling her on top of him. She sat up and moved over him as he tilted upward. He felt the heat pouring from her center. Jaime drew her into his embrace, his tongue searching hers out in a kiss, his hand tangling in her hair. He reached under her and turned her, now he laid on top of her. Her legs crossing around his waist.

Brienne reached between them and gripped his cock, guiding him to her entrance. With a swift thrust, Jaime was inside her. He broke off their kiss and kept his eyes open, face to face with her, watching her gasp, feeling her shudder under him. Jaime held her steady so he could guide their lovemaking. His movements became slow and stilled when her eyes opened to his again.

Brienne shifted under him, needing to feel the sweet friction of him plunging into her, frustrated and mewling for him to go faster.

“Jaime-“

“Not yet…”

“Please…” 

“Shh.. my love…”

His hand went down and grabbed her leg so it hooked on his shoulder. The friction made her moan.

She looked into his eyes as he pulled out. Then he pushed in, watching her shudder as he filled her again. Jaime took his time, trailing his lips over her skin, one arm wrapped around her waist as the other wound its way through her hair at the nape of her neck. He pushed into her in a slow rhythm, feeling her grasp and release him with each thrust.

Her hands rested on his shoulder and flank wound their way into his hair, pulling him forward. He held her between her shoulder blades and sped up, eye to eye, breathing in unison, feeling every pulse through and around each other. His own peak drew near and he grew impossibly hard within her. She tilted her head back in pleasure.

“Come with me. And I want to look into your eyes when you come.” Jaime rasped, gently pulling on the roots of her hair to guide Brienne’s gaze back to him. “I love you.”

He gasped his completion staring directly at her. Arching forward, she cried out as he cried out, her lips parted wordlessly as he were, face to face, staring into each other; fiery green met astonishing blue. When the intensity overwhelmed them, they fell against each other, their arms and legs wrapped tightly around each other, breathing in unison.

**Brienne**

“Morning.” She felt his soft lips kissing her forehead. 

She greeted back, “Morning,” and opened her eyes to a brightly lit room from the sun outside and instead of beside her, Jaime was sitting at her side of the bed, looking at her. “You’re up early.” She said and sat up, clutching the sheet around her chest. 

It was a cold day, she shivered.

“Well, _someone_ has to clean the mess we did and cook breakfast.” He gestured at his side of the bed where a full English breakfast for two was placed on a folded table. He didn’t forget her Greek yogurt and two mugs of unsweetened coffee.

She smiled. “Thank you, husband.” He replied by pecking her lips. When he moved to his side of the bed and gave her her coffee, Jaime intensely stared at her.

“Sore?”

Now he mentioned it. “A little.” They spent the whole night coupling. 

He nodded as he sipped his drink. “Well, you look well ravished for sure.” Jaime smirked. “We should both wear thick scarves if we go out today.” There were a lot of bitings involved too.

Brienne rolled her eyes, too early to blush. _Too early._ “If this cup of coffee isn’t good I would have hauled it to your pretty face.”

He chuckled. “You admit I’m pretty and,” He took her hand in his and kissed it. “-you wouldn't do that because you love me.”

Brienne smiled, agreeing. “Yes, I do love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing smut is annoyingly hard. Harder since our boi JamLan has one hand.


	11. Married

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An ending to a fanfic.
> 
> OR in which Jaime and Brienne are MARRIED married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO yeah, this is the end for this Modern AU. It has been very productive (almost?) three months of writing this fic. Probably gonna add more but let's see.

**Brienne**

He kissed and licked her back from her nape to her flanks, methodically, softly. “Jaime,” she whispered. “I can’t... anymore. Please.” 

It was early hours in the morning. 

The smallest of touches set her off, flying up to new heights. Her chest was heaving, her body sweating despite the chill. She was spent and was begging for rest. Her flesh was sensitive, sore, and tender. She was enlightened. 

She felt his hand and stump anchoring her hips, gripping her until she couldn’t move.

With one powerful thrust, he slid all the way inside and held there. Her head lolled, her mouth dropping, and eyes fluttering shut.

“Need you more.” He growled.

At his words, he pulled out from her body before slamming his hips into her again.

She cried out. “Oh, Jaime!”

He continued to pound and thrust and grind into her sex until the wicked sounds filled their room.

Rough grunts and purring groans reached Brienne’s ears and her fingernails curled into the sheets underneath her, her breasts bobbing forcefully with every teeth-chattering thrust.

She was leaving for Bear Island today. For at least two weeks or until any of them (Catelyn, Margaery and her) could convince any of the Mormont last heirs to let the KL museum rent their 13th-15th century women armors to showcase in the museum for the Women's month in Spring.

After informing her husband, Jaime frowned all week, hearing that she was leaving. Brienne didn’t know her husband was this needy. Not until last night, when all he wanted to do was cook her a nice dinner (Risotto paired with a really expensive red wine Tyrion sent from Essos), and fucked her senseless after. She barely came out from the bathroom after showering when he was on her, pushing her to sit on the bathroom sink cabinet and fucked her hard that her legs were shaking and she was sure her nails dug on his back would leave marks. Then on the wall with her back to his chest and his hand between her legs, after _then_ on the bed since.

She was exhausted from the immaculate meeting with her coworkers to made sure the meeting with the Mormonts would be smooth. Yet she liked that Jaime was making her more tired by not letting her sleep. It felt like they never stopped touching since last night. Only take minutes to rest and then Jaime was on her again; kissing, biting, gripping, touching. 

Now on all four, her hands still clenched the sheet until her knuckles turned white. She arched her back and moaned when his cock hit the spot that even her sleepiness couldn’t stop her from grounding on him.

Jaime never took her like this before; starving, restless, _virile_. She was tired and she lost count how many fucking it has been since last night. 

Just when she was hanging on the edge of orgasm, Jaime’s arm looped around her shoulders.

Brienne gasped in surprise as he pulled her up until they were both kneeling, as he continued to pound into her from behind, his cock seemed to slide even deeper. Her back met the hardened plane of his chest as he kept his grip around her shoulders. His hand went between her legs, pressing against her aching clit, rolling it maddeningly slowly, compared to his almost frenzied, desperate thrusts from behind.

Jaime turned her neck until he could kiss her and Brienne met his kiss with frenzy. His dark growl threaded down her throat, sizzling straight for where they were joined, and she gasped. The orgasm that hit her was almost violent. It arched and made her whole body freeze.

Jaime gasped at the sensation of her cunt squeezing his cock, breaking their kiss.

Brienne drew in a ragged breath as she felt his seed burst from him, as it lashed against her fluttering walls and pumped deep into her, hot and so right.

With a moan, he shuddered against her, his arms loosening around her shoulders. They both slid forward, tumbling together into their bed.

“Do you really need to leave?” He groaned, his breathing ragged and rough. Jaime positioned himself so his head laid on her pectoral and his beard scratching her skin. His hand at the edge of her hip. “Thinking about you not here with me stresses me out.”

“I can't _not_ go, Jaime.” Her breathing was heavy and she was dizzy from their activity. “We've been trying to meet the Mormonts for months just to suggest the loan.”

“Northerners and their stubbornness.” He huffed and moved to kiss her jaw, her nose and finally her lips. He wasn’t as tired as her apparently. She let him conquer the kiss.

“Hmm,” He cooed, lips still near hers. “-you taste better after a lot of fucking.”

“You are insufferable,” She rolled her eyes jokingly.

He winked. “And you love me still.” He nuzzled his nose on her temple, his body almost covered hers like a blanket. Brienne latched her hands on his shoulders. 

“I don’t know what to do without you.” He grumbled. It sounded like he was being dramatic but especially after both of them confessed their feelings, Jaime has been more affectionate. There was no barrier for him _not_ to anymore. She thought he was affectionate since the first week of the marriage but this was a lot. Sometimes she was sure she was dreaming herself in a romance book. This neediness from him was something she herself couldn't even imagine to get.

She scrunched her nose. “You’re awfully cheesy and I created a list.”

Jaime grumbled again. “Learning to read books via audio more, watching historical movies and going to all the edgy cafes around KL without you and trying their coffees is not a list I wanted to see.” He rolled over so now Brienne was half on top of him. His arms around her waist and shoulders tighten as he snuggled on her neck. “What about our nightly reading sessions? What about my cock? I will miss your cunt. And dinners with my father, Bri! Almost every night when you are gone. What about good morning kisses?”

She put her elbows between his head and went down to kiss him softly. He took it happily. “This is your good morning kiss,” she said matter-in-factly.

“It’s not morning yet.” He chided.

She guffawed. “It is!”

“Morning is when you open your eyes after you sleep.” When he said that, Brienne yawned. As if the universe was also tired of Jaime and demanded Brienne to rest.

He sat up and wrapped his body around her. She pouted, “Now I’m sleepy and-” and took up her phone, “I barely have an hour before I have to wake up and go.” She put her head on his shoulder and yawned again. “-and it’s your fault. _Entirely._ ” she mumbled. She couldn’t take it anymore, she was really sleepy.

She was sure she dozed off for a second until she felt Jaime’s chest on hers rumbled with laughter. “Sleep, love. I’ll wake you up.”

He moved and tucked her so her head was on his arm and pulled her to her side, facing him. “I hope it goes well and you can come back to me fast so we can continue our cafe adventures.” Brienne nodded and automatically wrapped her arms on his hips and nuzzled on his shoulder. The familiar scent of him soothed her.

Before she drifted into her dream. Jaime spoke into her hair; “I love you, Bri.”

Half-asleep, but she was sure she said it back.

**Jaime**

Most of the time, he woke before her; up with the dawn, sunlight filtering through the bedroom curtain hazily. 

Usually, he didn't have the heart to disturb her sleep and settled to watch her slow inhale and exhale. 

Brienne didn’t move much when she slept; she would snore softly if she was tired, her mouth would slightly open because of her big teeth, and her blond eyelashes were like beautiful wings when the morning light hit her face. Her freckles were another thing; Jaime was sure he would never get tired mapping them with this tongue and his lips, a favourite way to wake her up.

But for already a week and for the rest of another (or more), he would wake up alone.

It felt weird.

 **_Empty_**.

And he missed her.

He did follow the list; written in her very careful but big handwriting in blue ink;

**‘Productive things to do while Brienne in Bear Island~’**

\- Read more books (anything!!)

\- Watch more historical movies

\- Go on the morning run

\- Cook and eat your breakfast before 9 AM

\- Go to new cafes (I texted you the addresses already) and try their coffees (has a slice of cake too)

\- Clean your cameras and go out and take more pictures

**Bri :)**

The list was highly approved by Dr. Addam too. On the week she left, Jaime had an appointment. His therapist knew that Jaime needed a session when Brienne was out and he gave Addam the list immediately when he took his usual seat on the white leather sofa. Dr. Marbrand read the list and nodded every second. Saying it was healthy and a good way to find a hobby. 

“I do have a hobby.” Jaime interjected, “Just my hobby doesn’t take me more than two weeks to fill the space she left me.” He _should_ admit to himself. “ _Oh fuck_ Addam, I’m one clingy motherfucker aren’t I?” He groaned.

“Jaime, you’re one clingy goblin.” Addam agreed. “But it is not wrong, it is your love language. However, this is a good time also for you to live independently and find yourself.”

His eyebrows tied together, confused. “But I lived independently for three years before I met Brienne.”

Addam smiled softly at him. “Not like that. What I mean is that it is healthy for couples who are very much in love with each other to have time for themselves. And do you realize in this list,” He gave back to Jaime, “Has two things that she loves to do as hobbies?” Jaime looked at him and went back to the list.

“I’m sure reading books and watching historical movies are not _your_ hobbies,” Addam said.

“I don’t get it.” 

“From what I gathered from your traumas and memories, Cersei is a textbook narcissist,” Jaime almost tensed suddenly. “You have always been passive when you are with your sister. Accepting the fact that she only wanted you when she was free. And you had always waited for her to call. She never touched you _after_ , and she would hurt you and Tyrion if you didn’t listen to her.

“Yet when you tried to try something for yourself, like starting to work as a freelance photographer, I recalled you told me that she hated the idea that you left Lans Corp. You saved Tyrion from getting hurt by her when he was a baby, and she slapped you. From all this unresolved neediness and traumas, and when you meet someone like Brienne, you latch on to her tightly.”

Jaime’s adam-apple boobed, “So I’m actually... _suffocating_ her when I need her?”

“Luckily, it's the opposite actually,” Addam smiled, shaking his head. “You letting her go without forcing her to stay is a good thing. I’m especially impressed since it's already a month after you both said you love each other. You both unconsciously learned each other’s love language without trouble.” Addam patted Jaime’s shoulder.

“Your neediness, yearning, and touch-starvedness came from the lack of affection from the person you thought you love all your life. And, the fact that Tywin Lannister is your father. I might be the most neutral person alive but I know childhood trauma when I see one. Because your childhood shaped you as a person, believe it or not.

“Then, Brienne came and you love each other. And it feels like you could breathe because she _let you_ come out from all the want you had been repressed all your life.” 

“What if it’s too much? If _I_ ’m too much?” Jaime bit his lower lip, took away his gaze from Addam to the painting behind him; an ocean so blue, almost beautiful as Brienne's eyes.

“You know if it’s too much. You’ve been healing all these years. And I don’t think it’s too much, from my experience. You’ve been communicating with your wife well and you both are very attentive to each other. This is a _standard_.” Addam said calmly and factly. Jaime looked back to him. “So about the list.”

He groaned. “You want me to try it too?”

Addam shot up his eyebrows. “You don’t want to?” When Jaime didn’t answer, Addam took back the list. “See here,” he pointed on the first two points from the list. “These are Brienne’s hobbies and she seems to want you to try. This is her way of being attentive and she gave her twos to the threes in the list, which are your hobbies.”

“Running is not my hobby.”

“Yeah, alright. But-” Addam clicked his tongue out of friendly annoyance.

  
  
He tried the list, **at least;**

Running in the morning; he disliked it, he preferred going to the office gym before heading home. More privacy. But the morning air was nice.

Cooked breakfast and eat before 9 AM: Done that for a week. Then he felt like the usual morning coffee and a sandwich his PA, Peck prepared was more practical since Brienne wasn’t here to eat together with him.

Photography; The city was too loud and sucked and he had no aspiration in this place. Yet, he still tried this one very hard because he loved photography even though he didn’t have enough hands to hold his DSLR, so he brought a small Olympus with him. When the film was full, he went to his studio and developed them. He was sure he could sell the pictures to people who admired his works.

Historical movies: This shit was great. Knights: **_excellent_**. Political intrigue: He didn’t care, still excellent. Then he discovered a new genre of historical movies: historical romance. Jaime hated Mr. Rochester in Jane Eyre, found Mr. Darcy relatable (but Darcy was stupider), Emma was _scandalous_. He had cried on three different occasions watching Little Women; he _liked_ Beth.

Then the one he was a little bit anxious about; _read more books._

He bought a few books in audioRaven, with help from Pia of course. Brienne gave him her account so he could get more discounts for books he wanted to buy when he saw the book in the ‘recommendation’ section as Pia slowly swiped the options.

“Romancing the Duke, book #2 of The Sinning Rake series?”

“Oh!” His secretary smiled. “I read the first book. KL's best seller for a week once.” Apparently Brienne has read it too since the recommendation wrote- _Since you enjoyed Married with the Duke (Book #1 of the Sinning Rake), we recommend_ \- 

“Is that good?” Jaime asked. “Be honest.”

Pia looked at him weirdly but her boss has been acting weird all week since Brienne was away. “Yes. It’s about a plain wallflower who got into a marriage of convenience with a scandalous rake. Pretty standard regency romance plot but the rake has a gambling parlor so it makes the book extra exciting.” Jaime didn’t know that Pia was a huge romance reader, the way she spoke was like him speaking about medieval knights. 

“Can you buy that for me?” He finally asked after he was pretty sure his mouth slightly opened in surprise for a minute.

Pia didn’t question him and bought it for him instantly. 

30% off.

  
  


That night, he was planning to read it but Brienne called. Jaime jumped from the bed. “Hi, Bri. Hi, I missed you.”

“Hi, Jaime.” He could hear the laughter in her voice.

“Why do you call so early in the morning, love?” It was practically 5:30 in the morning on Bear Island. “Miss me?”

“Of course I am,” Brienne said, her voice sounded like she was still groggy. “How are you?”

“Fine.” He heaved. “You?”

“Can’t sleep.”

“You want to talk about it?” Jaime laid back to the bed and closed his eyes. “It’s almost a week but the Mormonts are still hesitant to sign the contract.” She sighed and he heard her shifted. “And I feel like crap since I came here.”

“It is because of the weather?”

“I don’t think so, I feel lethargic and dizzy sometimes. Especially if the day was too long.”

“Oh, did you take medicine, love? Should I text your friend? Margaret?”

She chuckled. He missed that sound. “It’s fine, Jaime. And it's Margaery. And I thought you would say that you should come here.”

“Can I?” Well, he thought about it but he didn’t want to fuss her. 

“It’s okay. I can take care of myself. How is your day?”

“It’s fine. I met Addam a few days ago.” She asked about the session. “Addam was impressed with the list of activities you gave.”

“I know I like Addam for a reason. So, did you try it?”

“I hate eating breakfast without you. _Loathed_.”

Brienne laughed. “Bri, you dare laugh at your poor husband?” He spoke in that accent that Brienne always gave him an eye-roll for.

“I’m not laughing.” She was still laughing. Her humor was odd. “But _yes_ , breakfast. I missed the black coffee you always made. The Northern coffee here is stale and has spice. Good but not as good as you made them.”

Jaime pouted when she finally stopped laughing. “Next time you call, we should facetime.”

They talked until Jaime fell asleep.

**\------------**

One day when he got back to the empty house, he finally started reading _Married with the Duke (Book #1 of the Sinning Rake)_.

It was narrated by a man with a great accent and the book started off well. About a wallflower that made a marriage bargain with a rake (he was rich too) and Jaime was engrossed that he was listening attentively, staring up the ceiling of their bedroom.

He didn't know reading romance was _frustrating_ until this night and how many times he just wished that the two characters just _fucking_ kiss.

_Ugh_.

And, _what the fuck,_ this book had sex scenes? And the narrator narrated with a passion too. It was barely 20% in the book _too!_

Jaime was starting to question that should people in the regency era do this but then he remembered they married and they had to… fuck in order to make the marriage more legit.

And so, Jaime Lannister listened to the awkward sex scene for… about _three pages_ of the book.

It was weird but he didn’t hate it. A little bit descriptive than he anticipated.

It was just that it made him hard.

_I’m such a man._

He sighed and paused the audiobook to reach his cock.

All he could think of was Brienne.

When his cum finally shot on his stomach, Jaime sighed and got up. Cleaned himself and went back to bed.

He laid and turned to his side to Brienne’s side and his face nuzzled on her pillow, smelling the scent she left him.

“I miss her.” Jaime groaned for no reason.

\------------

Jaime lost count but it was more than a week already since she was in Bear Island so that meant this was his ninth dinner with Tywin.

Jaime was bored to death.

Initially, like a normal person with parent negligence issues, Jaime was surprised that Tywin even wanted to have dinner ** _s_** with him. 

A little part of him taught maybe in his own way, Tywin did realize his mistakes and was open enough to accept Jaime’s accidental-outrage-via-limo. Maybe the dinners were the way of him saying sorry since Jaime was his only child still residing near him; Cersei left with Robb to Stromlands and Tyrion said fuck off and moved to Essos. But _nope._

They didn't talk much aside from whatever that they did at work (most of it was getting contracts signed) and all Jaime got was grunts from Tywin most of the time.

Tonight, however;

“How is Brienne?”

Jaime looked up from his steak. “She’s fine. Busy.” That they both only could speak about ten minutes before either of them passed out sleeping or needed to get ready for work.

He took his wine and drank. He couldn’t wait to go home to watch _1917_ ; he heard it was good.

“It's almost six months.”

“For what?”

“For an heir.”

Jaime almost choked his wine. _The wine is ten times more expensive than Tyrion’s_ , he reminded himself.

“We’re busy,” Jaime stated.

“Do you even touch your wife?”

“Of course I do.” 

“Are you really? 

“Gods, father this is too much-”

“I need heirs.”

“You have grandchildren already. Two boys in Essos.”

“They're not mine.”

“Tyrion is their father. You're their grandpa. Accept it.”

“What was the reason that I married you to Brienne again? Right, for you and your wife to give me grandchildren. It's not that hard to conceive one, you just need good timing and touch her once. Do you keep track of her moon cycle?”

Jaime put down his cutlery aggressively. “Don’t talk about my relationship with Brienne like that.” 

“Then, do as I say,” Tywin didn’t flinch. “You _both_ promise me.”

Jaime already stood up, ready to leave when his phone rang. “I’m not hearing this from you, father. We both know our promises.”

“Don’t answer the phone when we have a conversation.” Jaime’s gaze bored at Tywin as he answered the phone. “Yes, Aunt Genna?” Tywin grunted, half eating his meat, Jaime took that queue to leave.

“Jaime, is Brienne okay?” He was suddenly anxious when his aunt mentioned his wife when she was far away.

“What's wrong with my wife?”

“Well, have you met her?”

“Met? She’s out of town-”

“She just got back. I can't reach her for _hours_ -”

“What?” Hearing Jaime’s baffling, Aunt Genna cursed, “Oh, shoot!” but she sounded giddy and dramatic instead of whatever secret she held.

“Wha-What do you mean she got back? Is she sick? Gods, she did say to me she had a headache-“ Now he was walking back and forth in the hallway. She would tell him if she comes back. She knew how much he missed her and how willing Jaime was to wait for her at the airport.

“Aunt Genna,” Jaime huffed.

“Well, she came to me this evening-”

**Brienne**

She went home and passed out on the bed. She didn’t even shower when she got back and simply changed to her usual T-shirt and shorts and went to sleep.

It has been a long, overwhelming 15 hours.

To be so sick in Bear Island that Catelyn made her go home and asked Margery to call any closest woman relative living in KL was like riding a roller coaster that never stops.

Brienne didn’t eat or even go to the bathroom after her 8 hours flight and go straight to Genna Frey’s mansion and consulted her. She didn't realize she was crying until Genna opened her door and asked her that she got all the information she needed from Margaery.

Jaime came home. 

“Bri,” Since she was still groggy, his voice sounded deep and lustful. She heard him quickly unbuckled his prosthetic.

She was laying on her side so she had to turn to see him. The bed dipped when Jaime came closer. He was wearing a full-on burgundy suit with a black shirt inside. He shaved his beard the last time she saw him and now it turned onto scruff once again. His hair was cut short and he smelled like his usual cologne; musky and so _Jaime_. 

He looked delicious.

“Hi, love.” He smiled brightly when he was on top of her. Trapping her under him. His eyes exposed him to her; Jaime terribly needed her. 

“Hello, Jaime.” So Brienne grabbed his nape and finally kissed him. He groaned and deepened their kiss, hand already touching her everywhere. He kissed her with an unguarded passion that both had been missing for so long. This magnificent of a man she’d fallen in love with. And Gods, she’d missed him.

Between their bodies, Jaime slid his hand that had roamed from her face to her breasts down her stomach, and she arched with a moan. When he reached under her shorts and lowered between her curls, parted her with his finger, she cried out and lifted her hips into his touch. 

He could just make her come just like this, tired from her flight and meeting with his aunt and being overwhelmed by everything.

“Jaime,” she said, gripping his head. “Make love to me.”

His hand whisked off his suit, shirt and fumbled with the zipper of his pants, which were already about to burst. Brienne took off her shorts and shirt. When she was naked on the bed, she turned to look at Jaime’s almost naked form, golden muscle, and all his glory. Like a Greek God under their bedroom lights.

“Jaime, what are you doing?” Brienne whispered when Jaime was on his knees at the edge of the bed. “I want you.” 

“Let me love you like this first,” he said.

**Jaime**

He missed her like a lung. 

Jaime slid his hand under her ass and leaned forward until his lips touched the seam of her desire. “Gods,” Brienne panted, her fingers fisting the sheets.

Jaime blew on her heated skin and was rewarded with another gasp, another arch of her back. When he parted her with his tongue, her guttural groan nearly made him explode right there.

He licked until she squirmed, alternating between gentle flicks of his tongue and sucking on her swollen nub. Her moans made him wild, but he pulled back to let her breathe. He blew gently on her heated skin again. “I missed your taste,” He said, licking slowly up and down. “I missed you.”

She reacted by hooking her legs on his shoulders. “I missed you too.” She gasped.

“I could kiss you and feast on you all day, love,” He growled.

Her hips lifted, seeking his mouth again. This time when he lowered his lips to her clit, he worked two fingers inside her. Pumped them in and out in time with his tongue.

Brienne bucked. Her hips pumped against his face. Her hands were in his hair.

He increased the pace to match hers.

Her thighs began to tremble.

Her moans became whimpers.

Her pleasure built until she was writhing. 

And it was the hottest fucking thing he’d ever seen for weeks. A wave of tenderness washed over him as potent as lust streaming down his veins.

She was his wife. The love of his life. And after three years of healing and getting used to his solitude, she came and he could breathe again. He wanted her to feel safe enough to talk about every problem she faced. 

“Jai-“ She couldn’t say his name. She was so close. 

Her fingers dug into his scalp, and she wrenched her head back with a cry. Her body shook. Her intimate muscles clenched and pulsed around his fingers. Her hips lifted into his face for one last grind against his mouth. For a moment she went limp.

Then her legs went lax on his shoulders as she came back to her senses. “Jaime,” she whispered.

He kissed a path up her stomach. His kisses were deep and long; from her navel to the areas around her bellybutton. “Talk to me,” He said, voice shaking.

“I want you inside me.”

Thank the Sevens she was naked already. Jaime shoved his pants and briefs down and leaned over her. The urgent press of his erection against her still-throbbing cunt sent her hips off the bed in search of the pleasure again.

“Tell me what you want,” He said. “Say the words, my love. Say exactly what you want me to do to you.”

**Brienne**

“I want you inside,” Brienne panted.

“Tell me more,” He panted, pressing just the tip of himself inside her.

She lifted her mouth to his ear. “I want you to make me come again.”

Jaime thrust inside her. Fully. Deeply. Sending a cry of bliss from her mouth.

She could feel every muscle in her core coated him. He was big and she felt full. He fit _perfectly_.

Brienne wrapped her legs around his waist. “I want you to fuck me, Jaime,” She groaned. She missed him. She needed this. She needed him. “I want you hard and fast.” She wasn't to be fragile and her body was so. Damn. Sensitive.

He obeyed.

He kissed her aggressively as he rose on his elbows and set a pace that made her forget how to speak after that. His biceps bulged and strained on either side of her head. Sweat dripped from his body to hers.

He looked down at her, watching her reaction as he thrust deep. Her clit throbbing with arousal, her hands riding his back, up and down, pinching and groping and scratching. He sank in further, pushing her to the limit, taking as much as he could, and she screamed, her core squeezed his cock and he shuddered.

He thrust harder after, with a wild ferocity, stroking her nub and using the pads of his fingers, tormenting her with deliberate, tantalizing touch after touch as she squirmed and panted. She came so suddenly that her fingernails into his back until he could hold on no longer and he followed her over the cliff, thrusting one last time with a shudder, a grunt, and the hoarse whisper of her name. 

She went limp beneath him, her hands slipping from his sweat-slicked back to his hair. Jaime fell heavy on top of her, every last ounce of strength in his body vacated with his release.

“Jaime,” she said, turning to press her lips to the side of his head. “I need to tell you something.”

He mumbled a response, still busy kissing her everywhere.

“I met Aunt Genna today because I was advised by Catelyn since I felt sick all week during work.” Her palm pressed on this side of his face, just the way he liked. “Guess what?”

Jaime smiled, so happy like a child finally got his favourite toy. He kissed her softly and slowly. “Me, guessing?” He kissed her throat and then lower until his tongue licked her nipple.

She was so sensitive that it drove herself crazy. 

Jaime’s gaze stuck at her eyes as he licked, sucked and bit her nipple and gave the same treatment on the other. 

When she whimpered from his skilled tongue, Jaime went lower until his breath tickled the skin on her stomach. He kissed her there again; the same way earlier, fully and deeply.

“You met Aunt Genna.” He licked the skin near her bellybutton, Brienne couldn’t help but shiver. “And that woman called me just two hours ago.”

“She told you.”

“Not _specifically_ on what.” He went back up. His forehead touched hers. “I want to hear it from the woman under me who looks like she just got fucked well.” He kissed her wrinkled nose away and went back to her lips.

“Mmm?” His tongue went into her mouth. “What do you want to tell me, love?”

“Jaime, I’m pregnant.”

She has spent hours thinking about how to tell him. Aunt Genna was excited but she begged her to let her tell Jaime herself. She didn’t know what to do. She knew sooner or later she going to get pregnant (considering how much sex they had) but not this sooner, unplanned because of the _inefficient_ pregnancy pill.

She was sure she was protected. But then, Genna said that sometimes the pill doesn’t work and then her Ob-gyn agreed with Genna. She took an ultrasound and was told that her baby was four weeks old and her mind _whirled_ to the specific times, thinking if she had taken the pill late and she damn sure was.

Last month was the night of Tyrell’s hi-tea and they spent the entire night making love and the morning after too after their breakfast, then they went out to watch a movie and fucked in the limo.

_Gosh. Of course._

Above her, Jaime gave her a giggle as an answer. A _giggle_. 

“Well, do you have something to say, husband?” Her eyebrow rose. “It is _your_ doing.”

Jaime rolled over on the bed and pulled her with him until her naked body lay draped across his bare chest. He wrapped an arm around her waist to hold her secure and then curled the other up around her head, holding her there, cradling her so she looked at him.

He brought his face closer to her and nuzzled his nose on hers. 

“I’m going to be a dad.” He said happily.

**\---------------**

“If turnip’s a girl, I want to name her Joanna. After my mother.”

“And if a boy?”

“Your turn.”

“Galladon,” Her head went to rest on his collarbone. “Like my brother.”

“Galladon Lannister...” He tested the name in his mouth as he held the ultrasound in front of them. Still staring ever since the water surrounded them was warm. “Perfect.”

After their coupling, with the strength that he still has, Jaime carried her to the bathroom to take a bath.

The bathtub did fit both of them pretty _well_. He has put a lavender bath bomb (gift from Genna after her visit to Ob-Gyn for Brienne) and positioned them both so her back faced his front. 

Jaime washed her hair and her back, and she did the same to him. Now, still in the bathtub, they both stared at the ultrasound scan in Jaime’s hand. The fetus was so tiny that the second Jaime saw it, he had called it turnip, much of Brienne side-eyed him.

“You know, it's funny that just today father asked why we still haven't had a baby yet.”

“It’s barely six months since we married,” She turned slightly to look at him, who was smiling like he was winning a lottery. “Are you going to tell him? He would be very pleased.”

“No way. Unless Aunt Genna’s big mouth already did, I’ll not tell him until you’re three months in so I could piss him off just a little bit.” He put the scan near the tub where the marble was dry and wrapped his arms around her waist. “I was worried about you. _And_ missed you but I didn’t want to be needy than I already am. Addam said it’s good that I gave you some space to go to work far.”

Her hand went to touch the side of his face. “I like your neediness,” Brienne said softly. “You make me feel loved.”

He kissed her shoulder then. “Because I do love you. So much.” He turned her face so he could kiss her; soft and gentle. It was barely an hour since she told her that she was pregnant, Jaime has already treated her with more gentleness.

“I hope our turnip looks like you.”

She knew he meant well but she shook her head. “I want them to have _your_ face. Especially if we have Joanna.” She wouldn't let her child face the same scrutiny as her growing up. Thinking about the child’s future, having an ugly woman as a mother.

“ _Brienne,"_

Jaime gestured to her to turn. Water trickled as Brienne shifted and he groaned when his cock rubbed between her legs. She straddled his hips, leaning against his chest. Right then, she’d never felt warmer or happier or more protected in her entire life.

He kissed her again, a way to show her how he truly felt; he loved her and she loved him and they would go through this together. 

Jaime didn’t let go of her face and held her by her nape, his eyes stared at her so intensively that Brienne couldn’t move. “I hope our turnip will have your face, your freckles, hair, your eyes, _and heart_. You’re kind and gentle and _strong_. I want that for them. I will take care of you and this baby,” His stump grazing softly on her stomach. “Just like you take care of me. If I had the chance, I would hunt every single person who had hurt you and punch them until all their teeth broke out.”

“You don’t have to. It’s the past and I’m happy. Here, with you.”

“See how kind you are? And you don’t expect me not wanting to have a child that has their mother’s attributes.” His lips traced her temple to her jaw.

“Well,” Brienne shuddered. “I want this child to have your hair and your pretty eyes.”

“And?” He looped his arm around her so her chest pressed on his. “Do you want them to have my admiring charm and confidence? What about my good hair genes and my pretty mouth?”

She couldn’t help but laughed. “That too. I want them to have all of your _admiring_ charm, confidence, good hair genes, and pretty mo-'' She didn’t finish teasing him when he came closer and kissed her. This time, hard. _Impatient_. Until she couldn't think about nothing at all but _him_ , who loved her for who she was.

**Jaime**

He dreamt of this.

Years ago.

The sky was so bright and they were at the beach. Jaime could taste the salt on his tongue and felt the cold breeze whistling in his hair. 

He was chasing Brienne, who brazenly pushed him into the sea because he was touching inappropriately when her father was nearby.

Sewlyn was too focused on his grandson to care, they were busy building a sandcastle. He couldn't help but touch her. He had never stopped touching her

Brienne’s laughter brought him back to the beach. She wore a blue summer dress that showcased her shapely legs, while he was half-soaked in his shorts and shirt. 

She stopped running and he managed to wrap his arms around her waist, slightly lifted her and spun her around. Brienne’s screeching brought the attention of their son, who was already running to them, abandoned his grandpa, who was still trying to figure out the ratio of building a sandcastle.

It was Spring and they went to visit Tarth. Galladon missed Sewlyn and Jaime was tired of Tywin’s constant visits to their home just so see his grandkid, the ‘only’ grandkid he approved in _‘Tywin’s dictionary of being a shit dad’._

That old man tried to get back at Jaime by being fussy for not telling him that Brienne was pregnant until her fourth month, letting Tywin made a fool of himself for asking when he was going to have one.

It was mean, but it was _fun_.

At least Tyrion laughed at his decision. Even if Brienne was tired of his childishness.

“Daddy!” Galladon skipped into Jaime’s arms. Galladon was a healthy three-year-old. He has Jaime’s golden hair _and_ charm, but his eyes and freckles around his nose were Brienne’s. When he was born and placed in Jaime’s arms, he didn’t stop crying and begging forgiveness from Brienne because he wasn't fussy enough to make sure Brienne was comfortable and it traumatizing seeing how much his wife struggled to deliver Gal.

He was crying until Aunt Genna couldn't take it anymore and pinched his ears (after Tywin took his baby into his arms of course) and assured him that this pregnancy was normal and he shouldn’t be dramatic. 

“Oof! You're very heavy, young man.”

“Daddy! I want to fly too!” His son’s tiny hands touched his cheeks, a habit he followed from his mother. “Kamon, daddy! Fly!” 

Brienne kissed Galladon’s forehead. “I’ll let you and daddy play okay? You left grandpa alone building your sandcastle.”

“Oh! I’m sorry mommy.” Galladon gave her the puppy eyes that Brienne laughed. “Your dad taught you, did he? You think mommy will forgive you?”

“Dad, you said it will work.” that one he whispered into Jaime’s ear.

“It does work!” Jaime boasted. “Mommy is just cranky because I kissed you,” Jaime kissed Galladon’s cheeks that he giggled. “Not her.” Now, it was his turn to give Brienne his puppy eyes.

“You fool.” She mouthed at him so Galladon wouldn’t learn a bad word.

“Come here, love,” Jaime said softly and kissed Brienne’s lips.

Once. Twice. _More_.

“I love you both.” Jaime declared and he would say it over and over until his final breath. He craved the word since he was young and only found genuine love with Brienne. And now Galladon.

“I love you.” She said back. “And you, young man.” she pinched Galladon’s cheeks and kissed them after.

Both of the Lannister males see Brienne go to Sewlyn, genuinely wanting to make the best sandcastle for her son. The waves behind him made Jaime turn.

He stared across the Tarth sea. The sinking sun made the sky shades to warm colors, yet the water was still blue.

He couldn’t believe sometimes, that he was here and surrounded by the people he loved and loved in return. And then he felt Brienne’s warmth, heard Galldon’s giggles and Tyrion’s phone calls, and he realized it was all real.

After everything.

“Daddy, fly now?” Galladon asked.

Jaime smiled at him and spun him around. Galladon was screeching, his adrenaline high.

Jaime knew that this was _it_.

He was at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty much a multi-fandom so here's my Tumblr; https://www.tumblr.com/blog/insignificantly-notorious
> 
> Thank you very much for reading this fic and THANK YOU for pointing out any errors in this story. I'm the person who types and not read them until I finished a paragraph because I have no brain cells.
> 
> THANK YOU for commenting on what you guys like in this story and which part should I improve. It helps a lot for me to improve my writing.
> 
> And I hope this writing mojo will go on.
> 
> Stay safe during these trying times. Be kind, read more books, sleep, watch more movies, take care of yourself :D


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